An Acceptance

Raina leaned up against the wall outside, breathing deeply. She had dug her own grave back there, but she still didn’t regret it. But she felt so very, very alone. If only her family were here…

She slumped against the wall and buried her face in her hands, but did not shed any tears.

“Oh, Legolas where are you? Why can’t you be here?” she sniffled, knowing that he would be by her side, his strong arms around her, whispering comforting things in her ear. Everything would be so much better if he were here, or she there.

The doors opened and Pippin walked out, and glancing around, saw Raina slumped against the wall. He gave her a small smile before sitting next to her.

“You really have the Steward scared,” he said cheerfully, and Raina lifted her head to look at him with a grin.

“Well I would hope so. He deserves it.”

Raina heard a shuffle of feet and a deep breath coming from beside them. She immediately jumped up, her hand instinctively reaching for her sword in case the Steward had sent a guard to get rid of her once and for all. She wouldn’t have been surprised if he did that very thing.

But once she had steadied herself and looked up, she realized that it was Faramir, looking at the ground uncomfortably. He must have been there the entire time, she decided.

She lowered her sword back into the sheath, and relaxed from her tense position.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly. She wasn’t sure why she was apologizing, for there were many reasons. for almost attacking him, for being sent to die, for having a son of a bitch for a father, for her being there when Boromir died, when he could not have been.

Faramir shook his head slowly, and Raina stepped forward. Pippin seemed to disappear in the shadows behind them, completely unnoticed.

“I should be the one apologizing,” he replied as Raina moved closer, her heartbeat racing at his soft voice, husky with emotion. “I did not mean to offend you. I was having a… bad day.”

The way he said it made Raina think that it had been the day he told his father about letting the Ring go.

“You did the right thing,” she said softly. “Letting the Ring go. It must be destroyed.”

Faramir nodded, but this was not what was bothering him, as they both knew.

Raina reached out for him, but stopped halfway, looking down in embarrassment.

Faramir’s gaze left the ground to her eyes, and when she looked up again, her heart skipped a beat from the intensity in his eyes.

“Don’t go,” she gasped suddenly. “Please. You don’t have to!”

Faramir gazed at her sadly before answering. “You don’t understand. You don’t understand what it’s like, being expected to do great things, and live up to your relatives.”

Raina thought about this for a moment, knowing that this was not true for her. “I do understand,” she said slowly, sliding down the wall next to them before sitting, staring at her hands.

“I’m part Elf,” she clarified. “And on my journey through Middle Earth, I felt like I needed to live up to my heritage. They are all great warriors, strong of heart, and rarely ever frightened in the face of battle.

“That is not me. Even after this long year of facing enemies so often, I still tremble when I think of fighting, pain, and death for my loved ones.

“At first I didn’t know how to defend myself, or do anything to help them, and I felt like it was a mistake to have even gone with them. Then once we had to save our friends, I felt like a burden, for I could not run fast enough or fight hard enough to save them.”

She looked up from her hands at Faramir, who, at some point, had sat next to her, watching her intently. She gave him a small smile.

“But I now know that I don’t have to live up everyone’s expectations, and I’ve finally accepted myself and my heritage the way I am.”

Faramir smiled at her sadly before standing. He reached out to help her up, and she took his hand with a few butterflies fluttering in her stomach.

“I’m happy for you,” he said, a hint of sadness in his voice. “But I don’t think I’m as strong as you, to be able to do that. So I must go.”

He turned away from her and she watched him leave with wide eyes, feeling miserable for failing to change his mind and save his life.

He turned around after a few steps, and looked back at the Elf with equally suffering eyes.

“You truly are a beautiful person, Raina. Inside… and out.”

Raina’s lip trembled as he turned slowly and walked into the city, his figure swallowed by the crowd.

Raina blinked away her misty eyes and gritted her teeth in determination, and set off to her house.