Ready When You Are

“Don’t worry Mrs. Nickelsen, I’ve got it covered.”

Garrett’s mom smiled back at me as I washed the last few dishes from dinner and piled them into the dishwasher. She protested every night that I go off and not help clean up, and every night I did them anyway. But she was already doing a huge chore for just letting me bunk here. The least I could do was help clean around the house, even though I hated cleaning.

“Garrett, I think mom wants to trade Kenley for you if at all possible.” Trey and I laughed as Garrett smirked.

“Trey Nickelsen!” Mrs. Nickelsen said, turning to face her sons as I laughed by the sink. “I love both of my children. And you of course, dear.” She turned to me.

I couldn’t help but smile. The entire Nickelsen family had welcomed me in with open arms. I watched TV with Mr. Nickelsen every morning over Cheerios and Trey and I had our jokes. I helped clean with Garrett’s mom, and none of them asked any questions or offered anything to me about why I was staying with them.

Of course, I assumed Garrett had explained the situation to them. Every once and awhile I could feel Mrs. Nickelsen look at me, her lips pressing together as if she wanted to say something. But each time she would sigh to herself and walk away or talk about something relevant. I was thankful for that. Because even though I would be somewhat comfortable discussing it, I wasn’t exactly sure what to say. Garrett’s family was so perfect and sweet and together, and my story was messy and long. It wouldn’t fit and it didn’t need to. This was the life I was happy with.

“I am going away tomorrow so, Kenley’s all yours ma.” Garrett added, handing me a plate as he kissed me lightly on the cheek and shrugged at his mom.

A hole sank in my stomach as I remembered he was leaving for tour tomorrow. Meaning I was leaving the Nickelsen house and moving in with Em while they toured. Meaning I wouldn’t see Garrett for nearly two months.

“Oh Kenley and I will fill the space without you. We’ll have girl days and go shopping and have a lot of fun.” She sighed and looked over at me. “Would that be fun?”

Another smile rose across my face. “That sounds great, Mrs. N.”

With that, Garrett took my hand and led me upstairs to his room. It was nearly midnight and he had to get up and go to Pat’s at seven in the morning. Once he closed the door I collapsed onto his lap on the couch and he played with my hair, humming softly to himself.

“My mom seriously wants to adopt you, Lee.”

I laughed and looked up at him. “I love your mom.”

“Oh, and she loves you too. Seriously it’s like you were made for my family or something.”

I sniffed, playing with the hem of his shirt. I really didn’t want him to leave. With him and the guys gone, it would be just Em and I.

“You’ll call me, right?”

Garrett let out a laugh and nodded. “Like every fucking day.”

“This is going to suck, Gare.” I laughed. “It’ll be just Em and me all day in the record store. Plus I’ll be living with her!”

“You know my mom wouldn’t mind you staying here-”

I shook my head. “I couldn’t do that.”

“I get it.” He bit his lip. “I’ll miss you.”

I nodded, kissing his neck. “I’m scared.”

Garrett looked down at me suddenly, his eyes widening. He knew exactly why I was scared. And something told me that he was scared too.

“He’s not going to lay a finger on you.” Garrett shook his head. “If he does, I will swim across the Atlantic Ocean and go ninja on his ass.”

I laughed and snuggled closer to his neck. “You’re such a dork.”

“It’s why you love me.”

I kissed him softly, leaving my nose touching his. “I love you, Gare.”

“Love you too.”

***

“Look who it is!”

I let out a laugh as I set my bag down on the counter, not feeling in the mood to be playful with Emerson. But just the sight of her perky smile brought my cheekbones up and a laugh to my lips. I hugged her and she sighed.

“Sad about the guys leaving?”

“Just a little.” Try a lot.

“It’s always hard.” Em said, moving around the counter and sitting herself up on the stool. “But they’ll be back before you know it. And they call all the fucking time. Sometimes when drunk, but at least they call.”

I laughed and leaned my side against the counter, not sure what to say.

“You ok, babe?” Em looked at me with her big brown eyes.

I smiled at her. “Yeah, I’m doing better. But then Garrett left and I just feel alone again. Bad timing, I guess.”

She shot me a reassuring glance. “I’m proud of you, Ken. You finally grew the balls to leave that douche bag-”

Speak of the devil.

It was the jingle of a door that sent me turning, my eyes widening at the sight. Em shot up from her chair before I could stop her. My hands flew to my sides as I walked forward, grabbing Em’s arm and pulling her back.

“Don’t,” I said sharply. “Please, let me handle this.”

“Kenley I can take this dickhead-”

“Just let me handle it, Em.” I rolled my eyes at her defeated look. “If it doesn’t go well I’ll let you have your way with him.”

Em looked back at the man at the door and then at me one more time before turning and walking into the back room. I could still see her eyes in the windows of the door. I looked him in the eyes and clenched my fist behind my back.

“What do you want?”

Brendan shrugged mindlessly. “I figured you’d be here.”

“I am here.”

“I see that.” He retorted.

I inched forward a little. “Brendan please just-”

“I got your note.” He said plainly, pulling a piece of paper out his pocket. “You never finished it, Kenley.”

The look in his eyes shot right through my heart. I sighed and nodded, knowing I had hurt him. It killed me a little. I walked to him and peeling the note out of his hands, looking at it for a second before I stared back at his lonely eyes.

“I’m sorry Bren.” I said. “We just weren’t right anymore.”

He nodded slowly. “Don’t be sorry. I’m sorry that I didn’t make you happy. I’m sorry I wasn’t what you wanted anymore.”

“I’ll always care about you Bren-”

Brendan looked at me for a second. “I still love you.”

It was silent for a second as I nodded to myself, clenching the paper in my hands and looking down at the floor. I wasn’t sure what to say.

“I’m sorry.”

Brendan nodded again. “So you’re not coming back?”

I shook my head. "No."

Again it was silent.

Softly Brendan took the note out of my hands, folding it up and sticking it in his pocket before turning and going towards the door.

“Bye Kenley.”

I nodded, forcing out a smile and waving. “Bye Brendan.”

And with that he left. For a minute or two I couldn’t move, standing in front of the doorway to the shop with my hands at my sides, trying to fathom what had just happened. It felt like a part of me had left. I had been with Brendan for so long, he had a part of me with him. And now that part was gone.

Then, I felt a new part. A part that had come along somewhere in the mix of Tempe. Somewhere along the lines of when I had met Garrett, and even more so when I fell for him. It was the start of a new chapter. One that was better written and had a lot more substance. It was a happy chapter, and I wanted it to last forever.

This felt really nice. The ending of Brendan and I’s chapter officially left me with a sense of peace. A sense that now I could be Garrett’s, fully and without exception. That felt good.

“That was a lot less dramatic than I had hoped.”

I laughed, turning to face Em who was sitting on the counter and eating a lollipop. I moved over to her, smiling softly to myself.

“It went well,” I nodded to myself. “it feels good.”

“What feels good?”

A smile spread across my lips. “Closure.”