We won't fall apart

He ran his sweaty hands through the fabric of his jeans , he can barely remember the first time he was this nervous , or maybe he can remember , it was almost a year ago , Nick doesn’t really count , he has never been the guy to keep dates …he can’t even remember the day he fell inlove with him , it must have been between the day their mother forgot to pick him up from kindergarten or the day he hit puberty and this guy that was suppose to be his best friend forever turned into something more .

Nick can only remember the way his soft lips feel against his own and when Joe asks him what does it feel like Nick shrugs “Is he even better than other guys?”
“I don’t know I’m not that experienced either…”
“But you do say he’s the best”
“Only because I love him…you will understand some day” he stands up and ruffles Joe’s hair , the middle Jonas just stares at the ceiling , he wants to meet Nick’s secret guy , he wants to be inlove just like his little brother .

The younger boy writes , starts a new sentence and erases it , then writes again , he has a pencil behind his ear and Joe thinks it’s adorable , he’s sure that he has never seen Nick so enthusiastic about writing and pencils and new notebooks since the first time Nick learned how to draw…and Joe remembers that day like it was yesterday , he was six and Nick was three and they had their fun with the kitchen wall , their dad’s office and any other white wall that was available .
Day after day the younger boy writes and writes while Joe asks himself if it’s healthy .

That was almost a year ago , it’s not that Nick has not written a song through the whole year , is just that is not the same . Joe can write , he’s not just the lead man or the pretty face of the band like some people out there think , Joe can definitely write and when he does he brings everything to a whole new level but is not Nick’s writing…is not the writing of a boy that is inlove and Joe’s definitely not stupid so he has to do something about it .

Nick feels his heart flutter , maybe this time he had the guts to finally see him , like really see him , not on the stage , not in interviews or meet and greets ; just the two of them like a year ago , when everything seemed so innocent and easy , sitting on the floor with guitar on his lap and Nick singing his heart out in front of him…it was all because of him and still is and that’s why maybe Joe has a chance to finally understand .

“ I can’t believe that you’re…” Nick straights up his shirt while he hugs his brother tightly
“It’s okay I’m here” Joe whispers in his ear , Nick’s trying to hold back tears , he can’t lose himself right now , not when he’s five minutes to go on stage . “You go there Nick , show them who you really are “ and that’s what he does not before pressing a sweet kiss to his brother’s cheek .

The performance goes smoothly , Nick feels comfortable , stage has always been his second home , that’s what he thinks at least , he tries not to look into the audience .Artists just focus their attention at one point , that’s what Nick does , he’s not the guy who pretends that everybody is naked , he’s not perfect , he knows it , he messes a few chords but it’s all forgiven cause is his first time ….and when everybody claps and thinks that his number is over Nick surprises them while he takes a seat in the piano and Joe smiles because is not Nick’s song is Joe’s long forgotten song that once the curly haired Jonas found under the bed between and old sandwich and dirty socks and Joe can’t be mad cause with Nick’s voice everything sounds much better .

When he’s about to open the door of his dressing room some familiar strong arms pull him into a tight hug and before he can think twice there it is.. new words and tunes running through his head against old plump lips that feel so good with his thin ones , he runs a hand to his fresh curls and Nick remembers why he could never found a new love again .

Kevin is his inspiration , his first time and his first broken heart…they kiss each other deeply and Nick wonders what would have been of him if he accepted Kevin’s proposal .

“He’s only seventeen Kev you have to understand” says Joe while he comforts Kevin .

…he probably wouldn’t have been here and what they thought it was just a temporal break up you know the usual “ I need some space” it turned out to be “We’re just brothers again” and Nick’s so jealous because he still wants to marry Kevin , he wants to have Kevin’s babies and pick the furniture for their new house…but he was afraid -and he still is - …he wants Kevin to make love to him one last time and fool around like they used to , he doesn’t care if that makes Kevin a cheater , because this boy it was suppose to be his and now he’s someone’s else , someone that in Nick’s eyes it would never be good enough for his older brother , for the love of his life .

Nick still kisses Kevin like his life depended on it “I’m so proud of you baby” he says and Nick nods…Joe smiles from a corner and he knows that talking with Kevin was the right thing and at the end of the night they’re all happy , Nick has his best friends and his brothers curled up beside him , laughs and old stories filling the room and that’s enough for him to write plenty songs .