In Between the White Lines
always know that i'll come back to you
Her fingers flexed their grip on the steering wheel as a pair of brown eyes lingered on her own reflection in the rearview mirror. She’d never been a pro on hiding her emotions, and her stress wore at her features, violet-tinged bags under her eyes from a restless night.
Her free hand pulled a pair of tortoiseshell oversized sunglasses down over her eyes. Indecisiveness had never been her strongest trait.
Leaving Logan behind had been one of the hardest decisions she’d ever had to make, and Kandi couldn’t help but let her mind wander over all of the other options she’d neglected. Maybe a clean break would’ve been better. Long distance relationships were always doomed for failure, but she’d never really loved anyone like that, and she couldn’t just let it slip through her grasp.
The idea of staying in California was always at the edges of her mind, but she knew that if she stayed, she would’ve been miserable. She’d already felt like she was building her entire world around Logan, and though she loved him, she couldn’t deny the urge to run. She needed to figure out who she was before she could ever really commit to him in the way that he deserved.
So she decided to go back home, return to school for another year, truly be on her own. Maybe a year and two thousand miles apart would only make them stronger.
But she couldn’t erase that expression from her head, no matter how loud she cranked the radio up, no matter how much she tried to focus her thoughts on the span of interstate stretched out in front of her. But the depth and betrayal in his chocolate eyes were difficult to shake, the night she’d told him she was leaving. There wasn’t a way she could put how she felt into words without making him feel like she was abandoning him, so she’d just laid there, speechless in his arms, stretched out across her bed. Even as she was trying to forget and stay optimistic, she couldn’t evade the sinking feeling in the pit of her gut that she’d let him down. He’d had so much faith in her, and she’d let him down.
But it had always been Logan; she wasn’t trying to leave him for someone else. Even before she knew she was falling for him, it had always been Logan. She’d lost the ability to see herself with anyone else, and it scared her.
Her thoughts fluttered back to her most recent memory of him, his short yet muscular frame rushing through the terminal. He had been trying his hardest not to run after her, but she could feel the energy enveloped in his muscles. He was dying to run, to push everyone out of his way so that he could get to her, and that power was so obviously stifled in his movements.
When he’d called out her name, his voice cracked, and when she’d turned to meet him, he’d stared at her with those glazed over eyes, his lips fumbling for words just out of his reach.
She couldn’t think of the right words to say either, so she settled on his name. Her hands clasped behind her back, and her eyes stared at the grayish-white tile beneath her feet, the gestures both uncharacteristically shy for her.
Soon, his hands were gripping her shoulders, his forehead pressed against hers as the tips of their noses brushed slightly.
He murmured the three words she’d heard so many tips, but there was a depth and a desperation in his voice she’d never heard before. Her reply was soft and subtle but no less passionate.
And then, for the first time, they shared an apology. Logan for overreacting, and Kandi for keeping her emotions from him. It was that moment that she realized that both of them would do absolutely anything to make this work, no matter the distance.
But still, though their bond was strong, there was no guarantee. Nothing in life was ever guaranteed, but a part of her had to cling to the hope that they could do this.
So she drowned her worries in the speakers of her stereo. Though she was only thirty miles from her hometown, she knew that the journey was just beginning.
Her free hand pulled a pair of tortoiseshell oversized sunglasses down over her eyes. Indecisiveness had never been her strongest trait.
Leaving Logan behind had been one of the hardest decisions she’d ever had to make, and Kandi couldn’t help but let her mind wander over all of the other options she’d neglected. Maybe a clean break would’ve been better. Long distance relationships were always doomed for failure, but she’d never really loved anyone like that, and she couldn’t just let it slip through her grasp.
The idea of staying in California was always at the edges of her mind, but she knew that if she stayed, she would’ve been miserable. She’d already felt like she was building her entire world around Logan, and though she loved him, she couldn’t deny the urge to run. She needed to figure out who she was before she could ever really commit to him in the way that he deserved.
So she decided to go back home, return to school for another year, truly be on her own. Maybe a year and two thousand miles apart would only make them stronger.
But she couldn’t erase that expression from her head, no matter how loud she cranked the radio up, no matter how much she tried to focus her thoughts on the span of interstate stretched out in front of her. But the depth and betrayal in his chocolate eyes were difficult to shake, the night she’d told him she was leaving. There wasn’t a way she could put how she felt into words without making him feel like she was abandoning him, so she’d just laid there, speechless in his arms, stretched out across her bed. Even as she was trying to forget and stay optimistic, she couldn’t evade the sinking feeling in the pit of her gut that she’d let him down. He’d had so much faith in her, and she’d let him down.
But it had always been Logan; she wasn’t trying to leave him for someone else. Even before she knew she was falling for him, it had always been Logan. She’d lost the ability to see herself with anyone else, and it scared her.
Her thoughts fluttered back to her most recent memory of him, his short yet muscular frame rushing through the terminal. He had been trying his hardest not to run after her, but she could feel the energy enveloped in his muscles. He was dying to run, to push everyone out of his way so that he could get to her, and that power was so obviously stifled in his movements.
When he’d called out her name, his voice cracked, and when she’d turned to meet him, he’d stared at her with those glazed over eyes, his lips fumbling for words just out of his reach.
She couldn’t think of the right words to say either, so she settled on his name. Her hands clasped behind her back, and her eyes stared at the grayish-white tile beneath her feet, the gestures both uncharacteristically shy for her.
Soon, his hands were gripping her shoulders, his forehead pressed against hers as the tips of their noses brushed slightly.
He murmured the three words she’d heard so many tips, but there was a depth and a desperation in his voice she’d never heard before. Her reply was soft and subtle but no less passionate.
And then, for the first time, they shared an apology. Logan for overreacting, and Kandi for keeping her emotions from him. It was that moment that she realized that both of them would do absolutely anything to make this work, no matter the distance.
But still, though their bond was strong, there was no guarantee. Nothing in life was ever guaranteed, but a part of her had to cling to the hope that they could do this.
So she drowned her worries in the speakers of her stereo. Though she was only thirty miles from her hometown, she knew that the journey was just beginning.