You're The Only Hope For Me

The day dragged so long I felt like ripping my hair out.

I daydreamed my way through history, doodling in english and just fucking blacked out in math.

By the time it was break, I was horny as fuck, and wanted, needed, my hands all over Gerard. I wandered into the back field of school, looking for Ray and Mikey, and of course, Gee.

I couldn't see them anywhere, so I occupied our usual patch of grass, the furthest part of the field away from school. It meant we were always late to our lessons, but the teachers had just got used to it, and didn't mind as long as we showed up.

I felt the minutes tick by, watching the popular kids flirting and screaming random words in sentences that didn't make sense.

"Mr. Iero, class, now!" Screamed Mr. Vinda after what seemed like hours of waiting. His voice was like a foghorn. I jumped up, pulled my rusksack over my shoulder and heaved off to lesson.

Where were they? I thought Gerard at least would have showed up.

Maybe he was embarrased about the weekend and wanted to pretend it never happened. Maybe it was all a prank, and Gerard had been so disgusted with me that he never wanted to see me again.

I felt my stomach swirl with panic. A lump caught in my throat, and I wanted to be sick.

I spent the entire hour of design tech worried out of my mind. After the thoughts of Gerard mocking and cursing my name subsided, the idea of Gerard being dead started popping up and settling in my brain.

What if he and Mikey and Ray had fallen in a ditch somewhere, no-one to find them, and they'd die from starvation, except one (probably Ray,) and he had to eat the remains of his best friends to stay alive, making the heart-wrenching decision of who to eat first?

I decided I watched too many horror films and let the thought mostly die.
When I found myself drawing Ray with a severed arm in his mouth, I shook my head, hoping the action would catapulte the thought out of my head.

I didn't scribble the Ray doodle out, though.

I half hoped to see Mikey waiting outside my design tech room with a comic and a milkshake, smiling milkily. He wasn't there, but I didn't worry, because he didn't always wait for me.

I slugded over to the canteen, and found our usual table. I sat, not eating, waiting for anyone to turn up. After 10 minutes, anger started to seep into my worrying mind.

Why the fuck was no-one here? Had someone spread a rumour about me, so no-one wanted to be seen with me? Had I made someone mad?

I couldn't recall anyone of these things happening, despite racking my brain over and over again.

As the minutes ticked by, I stood up, grabbed my backpack, and stormed out of the canteen. I turned the corner to the library, and found a quiet area where only a tiny year seven was to be found.

She looked up when I sat down, and I smiled at her. She looked me up and like I was a piece of pretty fine meat, smiled, then went back to her book, blushing and giggling silently. I was cheered up a little.

I pulled out my battered and bruised copy of The Catcher In The Rye and turned to a random page.

I read over the same paragraph again and again, the words unable to sink into my brain.
I couldn't focus, my mind was swirling with stories of murderers and paedophiles and rapists stalking high schools, dressing as janitors. What if the guys were being gang raped right now?

Thats just gross.

Thats just wrong.

"Right, either you all get out or its detention for everyone of you" Mrs. Aniton shouted. I shook my head to relieve me of my horrifying daydream and threw my book into my bag.

Gym next. The lesson I'd been looking forward to all day had now become my worst hour of the day