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You're The Only Hope For Me
Patterns In The Sky
You know when you see birds twirling around in the sky, flying in lots of random directions around the sky, making patterns?
Thats what I felt like sometimes.
Thats what its like being confused. To me it is, anyway.
My lastest point of confusion was Gerard.
I had been musing over Gee for the rest of the night and for the next two days, but I kept coming up blank.
I had known Gerard all my life, and yeah, maybe I had thought that something could happen, but only as a fleeting thought, something to think about with no actual meaning. Now something was happening to us that could be real, and I didn't know how I felt.
Did I want to be with Gerard?
Just asking myself the question made me feel funny. It was so strange to think of myself 'with' Gerard. He was the guy I played video games with, the one who never left my house, the one who wrote 'FUCKER!' on my tv with permenant marker.
Was it possible that there could be something else?
I had started to think that it was. I loved Gerard like a brother, but there had always been something more. I always wanted to be with him, I always wanted him to be around, I was always more comfortable in any situation when he was there beside me. I kinda needed him. I did need him. Thinking of life without him...It scared me.
It really did. It made a shiver run down my spine and my heart beat faster.
My other new confusion was whether I was gay.
A pretty conflicting problem.
I had always just expected I was straight, like most people did. I'd always had the idea that I was gay. These thoughts had been pushed to the forefront of my brain these past two weeks. If I was gay, I'd have to figure it out pretty quickly, because I just knew that this with Gee wasn't a fleeting thing. It would be real and good and had the possibilty to last us...basically a lifetime. I knew it could.
I ran the theory through my head that maybe we were just becoming more comfortable with each other, but somehow I knew that wasn't true. Maybe we weren't meant to be friends, we were meant to be...more?
I started to get the idea in my head that I wanted it to be more.
I wanted it more than anything.
Thats what I felt like sometimes.
Thats what its like being confused. To me it is, anyway.
My lastest point of confusion was Gerard.
I had been musing over Gee for the rest of the night and for the next two days, but I kept coming up blank.
I had known Gerard all my life, and yeah, maybe I had thought that something could happen, but only as a fleeting thought, something to think about with no actual meaning. Now something was happening to us that could be real, and I didn't know how I felt.
Did I want to be with Gerard?
Just asking myself the question made me feel funny. It was so strange to think of myself 'with' Gerard. He was the guy I played video games with, the one who never left my house, the one who wrote 'FUCKER!' on my tv with permenant marker.
Was it possible that there could be something else?
I had started to think that it was. I loved Gerard like a brother, but there had always been something more. I always wanted to be with him, I always wanted him to be around, I was always more comfortable in any situation when he was there beside me. I kinda needed him. I did need him. Thinking of life without him...It scared me.
It really did. It made a shiver run down my spine and my heart beat faster.
My other new confusion was whether I was gay.
A pretty conflicting problem.
I had always just expected I was straight, like most people did. I'd always had the idea that I was gay. These thoughts had been pushed to the forefront of my brain these past two weeks. If I was gay, I'd have to figure it out pretty quickly, because I just knew that this with Gee wasn't a fleeting thing. It would be real and good and had the possibilty to last us...basically a lifetime. I knew it could.
I ran the theory through my head that maybe we were just becoming more comfortable with each other, but somehow I knew that wasn't true. Maybe we weren't meant to be friends, we were meant to be...more?
I started to get the idea in my head that I wanted it to be more.
I wanted it more than anything.
♠ ♠ ♠
despite the Gerard bits, this is kinda how i feel most of the time :/hope you're liking it so far, just looked and i already have a reader!!!!
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I love you!!