Status: On hold , help me?
Smile for Me
25
I loved my life.
Brian and I had been dating for about a month now, and it was the most amazing thing ever. We couldn’t see each other every day because he had practice with the guys and would be starting the new album soon, and I had school, but we talked on the phone every night and made the most of it when we were together.
I think I loved him.
The only downside to it all was, not surprisingly, my father. He seemed to be drinking more than usual and not only did he like Brian, he didn’t like Brian’s friends. He’d never said anything to them and acted civil whenever they were around, but I knew how he felt. He thought that they were “no good for me” and would “get me into trouble”. I then made the comment that he probably wouldn’t care anyway, and guess what happened then? I had a great new bruise to show off to all the kids at school the next day.
Needless to say, I don’t bring Brian or the guys to my house very often anymore, and I spend as little time there as possible. I never know when my father is going to flip at me, and I’m tired of lying for him. Not only that, I’m running out of lies to give. I can only fall or walk into doors so much before red flags start going up and people start to think that I’m being abused, or that I’m an idiot.
Brian’s starting to suspect something, though. He’s asked me countless questions about my dad and what he’s like, and has even tried to ask me if Dad hits me. But I always try to evade those questions, or change the subject whenever possible, which is probably more damning than actually being honest about it, but what could I do? I was just counting the days until I could move out for good after graduation.
“What time is it?” I asked with a yawn, leaning against Brian’s shoulder as we watched some movie with the guys – I had no idea what it was, had never heard of it before but it was pretty good.
“Ten thirty.” Matt answered from the other side of the room.
I nodded silently, my eyes on the screen before I realized what he had said.
I sat forward and gaped at him. “Did you say ten thirty?”
He nodded, looking at me strangely.
“Fuck!” I yelled, jumping off the couch and running to the door.
A few of the guys were laughing as Brian asked, “What’s wrong with you?”
“I need to get home. I told my dad I would be home by eight thirty and he is going to flip.” I told them, already dreading the anger that I would face when entering my house.
“Just call him, tell him where you are.”
I huffed. “Yeah, right. That won’t work.”
“Well, I’ll drive you.” He offered, meeting me at the door with his keys in his hand as he slipped on his runners.
I didn’t answer and stepped into my shoes before spinning to grab my bag. I tripped – over what, I had no idea – and would have fallen into the wall if Brian hadn’t grabbed my arm.
“Calm down, will you?” He laughed, keeping his hand on my back as I threw my bag over my shoulder and grabbed the door handle.
“Bye!” I shouted to the guys as I ran out the door and down the steps.
“I’ll be right back.” I heard him tell the guys as he jogged down the steps, the door falling closed behind him.
He unlocked the doors to his Escalade and then I was getting in, dropping my stuff into my lap as I anxiously waited for him to start the car.
“Your dad won’t be really mad, will he?” Brian asked slowly as he maneuvered the car down the street a lot faster than was legal.
I tried not to keep the fear out of my voice as I said, “Yeah, he’s kind of anal about that kind of stuff.”
“Well, I’ll go in with you and tell him it was my fault.” Brian offered but I shook my head furiously.
That would just make it worse.
“No. No, it’s okay, I’ll…I’ll be okay.”
He nodded and sighed and before I knew it, he was pulling to a stop in front of my house. I gathered my bag into my arms and was just about to jump out when I forgot something. Pulling back, I leaned over the seat divider and gave him a quick, hard kiss before throwing the door open and closing it behind me, running up the driveway and opening the front door. I knew dad wouldn’t have locked it until I got home.
I closed the door quietly behind me and turned around to meet my dad’s icy stare. Startled, I jumped back and hit the door with a thud.
“Dad.” My voice shook a little and I swallowed the lump in my throat before I said sincerely, “Sorry I’m late.”
“Late?” He scoffed and crossed his arms as he stared at me expressionless. “You come stumbling in here at ten thirty on a school night, even though you promised to be home at eight thirty and apologize for being late?”
I looked back at him silently, knowing better than to answer him, or give him any excuses. That would just make him angrier and I didn’t want to deal with that right now. I never wanted to deal with that.
He sighed and turned to go into the living room as he said, “Come in here for a minute, Katelyn.”
I closed my eyes and gathered all of my strength as I followed him into the room and sat stiffly on the couch. He was sitting in his easy chair with his elbows resting on his knees, staring at his linked hands as if deep in thought.
“You’re eighteen now, Katelyn, and old enough to make your own decisions. I’ve tried to give you space to do that, but I think it’s time that I took a stand on this issue and made some rules.”
“Rules?” I questioned quietly. “But I said I was sorry. It won’t happen again.”
“You’re right. It won’t.” He looked up and stared me in the eyes as he said, “I don’t want you to see that boy anymore, Katie.”
I stared at him in shock, unable to believe what he’d just said.
“W-what do you mean?” I stammered, feeling my heart pound in fear. Not just because of what he’d said, although I was deathly afraid that he would forbid me to see Brian. But I was also afraid of the way he was acting. He was speaking clearly and softly, which was almost worse than him yelling. And he wasn’t drunk, he was sober. Things were always more awful when he was angry and sober.
“That boy is a bad influence on you, Katie.” He said vehemently. “He has tattoos, he has no job, he drinks…”
And you don’t?
The list went on and on about the things that Brian did that were a bad influence on me, and I closed my eyes to try to cool the anger that was building in me.
“Katelyn, are you even listening to me?” He snapped and I sighed before opening my eyes.
“Yes, I’m listening.” I took a deep breath and said slowly, “But I won’t stop seeing him.”
“You won’t.” He sat back and stared at me.
“No, I won’t. You said yourself that I’m eighteen and can make my own decisions. So I’m making the decision to keep seeing Brian.”
I stood from the couch and walked out of the room, going to the stairway as he followed me.
“You’re going to do what you want and that’s all there is to it, huh?” He asked.
“Yes, Dad.”
“Katelyn, he’s an alcoholic…”
Something in me snapped and I turned around to glare at him as I yelled, “And you’re not?”
I knew the moment the words were out of my mouth that I had made a mistake. I saw the fire flash in his eyes a moment before he brought back his hand and slammed his fist across my cheek, hard enough to make me spin into the wall. I hit the wall hard, my right temple cracking on it before I slid to the floor.
Brian and I had been dating for about a month now, and it was the most amazing thing ever. We couldn’t see each other every day because he had practice with the guys and would be starting the new album soon, and I had school, but we talked on the phone every night and made the most of it when we were together.
I think I loved him.
The only downside to it all was, not surprisingly, my father. He seemed to be drinking more than usual and not only did he like Brian, he didn’t like Brian’s friends. He’d never said anything to them and acted civil whenever they were around, but I knew how he felt. He thought that they were “no good for me” and would “get me into trouble”. I then made the comment that he probably wouldn’t care anyway, and guess what happened then? I had a great new bruise to show off to all the kids at school the next day.
Needless to say, I don’t bring Brian or the guys to my house very often anymore, and I spend as little time there as possible. I never know when my father is going to flip at me, and I’m tired of lying for him. Not only that, I’m running out of lies to give. I can only fall or walk into doors so much before red flags start going up and people start to think that I’m being abused, or that I’m an idiot.
Brian’s starting to suspect something, though. He’s asked me countless questions about my dad and what he’s like, and has even tried to ask me if Dad hits me. But I always try to evade those questions, or change the subject whenever possible, which is probably more damning than actually being honest about it, but what could I do? I was just counting the days until I could move out for good after graduation.
“What time is it?” I asked with a yawn, leaning against Brian’s shoulder as we watched some movie with the guys – I had no idea what it was, had never heard of it before but it was pretty good.
“Ten thirty.” Matt answered from the other side of the room.
I nodded silently, my eyes on the screen before I realized what he had said.
I sat forward and gaped at him. “Did you say ten thirty?”
He nodded, looking at me strangely.
“Fuck!” I yelled, jumping off the couch and running to the door.
A few of the guys were laughing as Brian asked, “What’s wrong with you?”
“I need to get home. I told my dad I would be home by eight thirty and he is going to flip.” I told them, already dreading the anger that I would face when entering my house.
“Just call him, tell him where you are.”
I huffed. “Yeah, right. That won’t work.”
“Well, I’ll drive you.” He offered, meeting me at the door with his keys in his hand as he slipped on his runners.
I didn’t answer and stepped into my shoes before spinning to grab my bag. I tripped – over what, I had no idea – and would have fallen into the wall if Brian hadn’t grabbed my arm.
“Calm down, will you?” He laughed, keeping his hand on my back as I threw my bag over my shoulder and grabbed the door handle.
“Bye!” I shouted to the guys as I ran out the door and down the steps.
“I’ll be right back.” I heard him tell the guys as he jogged down the steps, the door falling closed behind him.
He unlocked the doors to his Escalade and then I was getting in, dropping my stuff into my lap as I anxiously waited for him to start the car.
“Your dad won’t be really mad, will he?” Brian asked slowly as he maneuvered the car down the street a lot faster than was legal.
I tried not to keep the fear out of my voice as I said, “Yeah, he’s kind of anal about that kind of stuff.”
“Well, I’ll go in with you and tell him it was my fault.” Brian offered but I shook my head furiously.
That would just make it worse.
“No. No, it’s okay, I’ll…I’ll be okay.”
He nodded and sighed and before I knew it, he was pulling to a stop in front of my house. I gathered my bag into my arms and was just about to jump out when I forgot something. Pulling back, I leaned over the seat divider and gave him a quick, hard kiss before throwing the door open and closing it behind me, running up the driveway and opening the front door. I knew dad wouldn’t have locked it until I got home.
I closed the door quietly behind me and turned around to meet my dad’s icy stare. Startled, I jumped back and hit the door with a thud.
“Dad.” My voice shook a little and I swallowed the lump in my throat before I said sincerely, “Sorry I’m late.”
“Late?” He scoffed and crossed his arms as he stared at me expressionless. “You come stumbling in here at ten thirty on a school night, even though you promised to be home at eight thirty and apologize for being late?”
I looked back at him silently, knowing better than to answer him, or give him any excuses. That would just make him angrier and I didn’t want to deal with that right now. I never wanted to deal with that.
He sighed and turned to go into the living room as he said, “Come in here for a minute, Katelyn.”
I closed my eyes and gathered all of my strength as I followed him into the room and sat stiffly on the couch. He was sitting in his easy chair with his elbows resting on his knees, staring at his linked hands as if deep in thought.
“You’re eighteen now, Katelyn, and old enough to make your own decisions. I’ve tried to give you space to do that, but I think it’s time that I took a stand on this issue and made some rules.”
“Rules?” I questioned quietly. “But I said I was sorry. It won’t happen again.”
“You’re right. It won’t.” He looked up and stared me in the eyes as he said, “I don’t want you to see that boy anymore, Katie.”
I stared at him in shock, unable to believe what he’d just said.
“W-what do you mean?” I stammered, feeling my heart pound in fear. Not just because of what he’d said, although I was deathly afraid that he would forbid me to see Brian. But I was also afraid of the way he was acting. He was speaking clearly and softly, which was almost worse than him yelling. And he wasn’t drunk, he was sober. Things were always more awful when he was angry and sober.
“That boy is a bad influence on you, Katie.” He said vehemently. “He has tattoos, he has no job, he drinks…”
And you don’t?
The list went on and on about the things that Brian did that were a bad influence on me, and I closed my eyes to try to cool the anger that was building in me.
“Katelyn, are you even listening to me?” He snapped and I sighed before opening my eyes.
“Yes, I’m listening.” I took a deep breath and said slowly, “But I won’t stop seeing him.”
“You won’t.” He sat back and stared at me.
“No, I won’t. You said yourself that I’m eighteen and can make my own decisions. So I’m making the decision to keep seeing Brian.”
I stood from the couch and walked out of the room, going to the stairway as he followed me.
“You’re going to do what you want and that’s all there is to it, huh?” He asked.
“Yes, Dad.”
“Katelyn, he’s an alcoholic…”
Something in me snapped and I turned around to glare at him as I yelled, “And you’re not?”
I knew the moment the words were out of my mouth that I had made a mistake. I saw the fire flash in his eyes a moment before he brought back his hand and slammed his fist across my cheek, hard enough to make me spin into the wall. I hit the wall hard, my right temple cracking on it before I slid to the floor.