Status: On hold , help me?
Smile for Me
29
stretched as the credits to movie number two started to roll up the screen, and got up to bring my empty cans into the kitchen.
“Pick the next one and I’ll get some more drinks.” I told her and she nodded, getting off the couch to crawl on the floor to pick another movie.
I dropped the empty cans into the recycle bin and was just opening the fridge when the front door opened. I froze, not realizing how late it was. If Zacky was home, he obviously knew that I was here and he would see me. He would see the bruises, and probably tell Brian. I was thinking of a way to make Zacky promise that he would never tell Brian that he saw me like this, but then I heard my boyfriend’s voice and held back a groan.
Shit.
“So what did you two ladies do all day?” Zacky asked.
“Watched some movies, ate junk; the usual.” Emma answered casually.
“You guys just didn’t want to go today, or what?” Brian asked and his voice was closer, meaning he was walking to the kitchen.
I opened the fridge door wider and bent down, making it look like I was looking for something. I didn’t know how that would help me, but did it anyway with the hope that it would stall the inevitable.
“Yeah and…Katie isn’t feeling very well.” Emma said and I closed my eyes.
Good going, Ryan. Now he’s really going to rush in here.
“Wait, Syn…” Emma obviously tried to call Brian back into the living room, be he ignored her.
I felt his hands on my hips just as he asked, “You’re not feeling very well today, baby?”
Taking a deep breath, I stood and let the door fall closed as he turned me around to face him. I kept my head down and hugged him, hoping that he wouldn’t overreact.
“What’s wrong?” He asked quietly, his lips pressed to my hair as he held me.
I shook my head against his shoulder. “Nothing, I’m just…not feeling very well.”
“Aw, I’m sorry, Katie.” He kissed the top of my head and pulled away to tuck my air behind my ears.
I had my head down a little, but he saw. I knew he did because he suddenly went very tense and quiet, and I could hear the way he slowly drew in a deep breath, as if he was getting ready to yell something. But then he took my chin in his hand to lift my face up, and when I saw the rage and shock in his eyes as he took a closer look at the damage, I closed my eyes.
“What the fuck happened to your face?” He practically yelled and I flinched.
I took a deep breath and had every intention of answering him, but the words seemed to get caught in my throat and I found myself staring blankly at him, unable to speak.
“Katie,” He said my name through clenched teeth, and I looked down to see he was clenching his hands into fists. “What happened? And don’t make up any excuses this time. Tell me the truth.”
Zacky and Emma were suddenly right there and my best friend was watching me with tear-filled eyes while Zacky was looking at me with shock, his mouth wide open.
I licked my lips, took a deep breath and said slowly, “You can probably guess who did this.”
He narrowed his eyes and started to shake his head as he ground out, “Your father. Your fucking father did that to you.”
I lowered my head again, but my silence was my answer.
“Fuck.” Brian yelled, stomping away before pacing back to stand in front of me again.
“Where is he?”
I looked up at him, stricken. Why did he need to know?
“Katie, where is he? Is he at home or work? Or is he at the bar?”
“Why? What difference does it make where he is?”
“Because I am going to fucking kill him, that’s why.” He said, looking at me as if I should have known that answer.
My eyes widened. “What? Brian, no – “
“Yes, I am. How can I not? Have you even seen yourself?” He shook his head and when I heard his voice break at the end I felt tears fill my own eyes.
“I know.” I sniffed. “I know, but please…” I wasn’t sure what I was asking him, but he gritted his teeth as he watched me.
Then he was taking my arm and pulling me out of the kitchen, telling the other two that we would talk to them later. Brian barely gave me time to grab my stuff before he was pulling me out the door, making me walk with him to his car and helping me get in the front seat.
The ride back to his place was silent and so tense, the air was almost thick with it. I huddled in my seat, gripping my hands in my lap, and whenever I snuck glances at Brian, I saw that he was gripping the wheel with both hands, clenching and unclenching his jaw as he glared murderously out the window.
A few times, I thought of saying something to him – anything, just to ease the silence, but then I would think better of it and look out the side window.
My stomach rolled with dread as we pulled into his driveway. I left my books inside and just grabbed my purse, following him up the sidewalk and through the front door. Brian went into the kitchen and turned on the light, leaving me to follow slowly, feeling unsure of what I should do.
I glanced at Brian and sat stiffly at the table, hunching a little in the chair in an effort to hide the way my body was trembling as I watched him in anxious expectation.
And still, he never spoke to me. He stood against the counter, his hands resting on the countertop behind him as he looked angrily down at the floor. I didn’t bother wondering what he was thinking; I was nervous enough, I didn’t need to add that burden to myself.
But when ten more minutes passed by and he remained silent, I couldn’t wait any longer. I needed him to speak to me – even if I didn’t like what he had to say. Anything was better than nothing.
“Brian, I – “
“Why does he do it?”
I paused before asking, “What?”
“Why does he do it?” His voice was gruff, but quiet. “Why does he hit you?”
“I don’t know.” I stammered. “He’s drunk when he does it, most of the time.”
“And the other times?”
“I piss him off, I guess.”
“Bullshit.” Brian spat, making me jump. “No matter how much you piss him off, he should never hit you, or hurt you in any way. He’s your father.”
I nodded silently, knowing he was right. My father had no right to touch me in any harmful way, and I knew this. But I still felt the need to defend him, or make excuses, and I wasn’t sure why.
“How long has he been doing it for?”
I shrugged uncomfortably, not really sure how long it’s been happening.
“I guess since Kelly left. Well, he hit her and that’s why she split.” My voice was rather calm, despite the way my heart was thundering inside my chest.
“So she left you alone with your drunken, abusive father.” He sounded disgusted. “That was nice of her.”
I shrugged again and lowered my eyes to my lap, looking at the way my hands were gripped together. My knuckles were almost white and my fingers started to throb, though I didn’t remove the pressure. I was afraid I was going to fall apart any minute, and surely the last thing Brian wanted to deal with was a sobbing, incoherent girlfriend.
“Why didn’t you tell me about this before? I’ve seen the bruises, and you always lied. Why not just tell me the truth.”
“Couldn’t.” I mumbled.
“Why?”
I raised my eyes to his and regarded him soberly. “Come on, Brian. How was I honestly supposed to tell you that the bruises came from my dad? It’s not exactly something that I want to fess up to, you know.”
I heard him sigh heavily and then he was coming towards me, pulling out the chair adjacent from mine and sliding it in front of me. He reached out and took my hands, forcing them apart so he could hold them both in on of his as he used his other hand to tip my face up to his.
“Baby, I’m sorry I got angry. I just…I hate the thought of anyone putting their hands on you in any way, and I hate seeing you hurt. And I wish that you would have told me.”
The gentleness in his voice was more than I could handle and tears filled my eyes as I shook my head at him.
“I’m sorry.” My voice broke as fat tear drops slid down my cheeks, but I didn’t stop from speaking. “I’m sorry I never told you and I’m sorry that I l-lied…I just didn’t want you to hate me, B-Brian. Please don’t be m-mad at me, please…”
Before I knew it, I was sitting on Brian’s lap and he was holding me tight against his chest.
“Baby, it’s okay.” He assured me, pressing his lips to my hair as he rocked me back and forth.
I continued to cry into his chest, not even really listening to his words because just the sound of his voice was soothing to my ears. Then we were moving, and I realized that he was cradling me against his chest as he carried me through the kitchen and up the stairs to his bedroom. He gently placed me on the bed and crawled beside me, holding me in his arms as we lay in silence.
I took a deep breath and pulled away to look into his eyes as I said softly, “Since you already know everything about…that, there’s something else that I need to tell you.”
He frowned, but nodded and watched silently as I sat up to face him, sitting on my knees. He sat up too, resting his elbows on his knees as I slowly started pulling up the sleeves of my sweater.
“Pick the next one and I’ll get some more drinks.” I told her and she nodded, getting off the couch to crawl on the floor to pick another movie.
I dropped the empty cans into the recycle bin and was just opening the fridge when the front door opened. I froze, not realizing how late it was. If Zacky was home, he obviously knew that I was here and he would see me. He would see the bruises, and probably tell Brian. I was thinking of a way to make Zacky promise that he would never tell Brian that he saw me like this, but then I heard my boyfriend’s voice and held back a groan.
Shit.
“So what did you two ladies do all day?” Zacky asked.
“Watched some movies, ate junk; the usual.” Emma answered casually.
“You guys just didn’t want to go today, or what?” Brian asked and his voice was closer, meaning he was walking to the kitchen.
I opened the fridge door wider and bent down, making it look like I was looking for something. I didn’t know how that would help me, but did it anyway with the hope that it would stall the inevitable.
“Yeah and…Katie isn’t feeling very well.” Emma said and I closed my eyes.
Good going, Ryan. Now he’s really going to rush in here.
“Wait, Syn…” Emma obviously tried to call Brian back into the living room, be he ignored her.
I felt his hands on my hips just as he asked, “You’re not feeling very well today, baby?”
Taking a deep breath, I stood and let the door fall closed as he turned me around to face him. I kept my head down and hugged him, hoping that he wouldn’t overreact.
“What’s wrong?” He asked quietly, his lips pressed to my hair as he held me.
I shook my head against his shoulder. “Nothing, I’m just…not feeling very well.”
“Aw, I’m sorry, Katie.” He kissed the top of my head and pulled away to tuck my air behind my ears.
I had my head down a little, but he saw. I knew he did because he suddenly went very tense and quiet, and I could hear the way he slowly drew in a deep breath, as if he was getting ready to yell something. But then he took my chin in his hand to lift my face up, and when I saw the rage and shock in his eyes as he took a closer look at the damage, I closed my eyes.
“What the fuck happened to your face?” He practically yelled and I flinched.
I took a deep breath and had every intention of answering him, but the words seemed to get caught in my throat and I found myself staring blankly at him, unable to speak.
“Katie,” He said my name through clenched teeth, and I looked down to see he was clenching his hands into fists. “What happened? And don’t make up any excuses this time. Tell me the truth.”
Zacky and Emma were suddenly right there and my best friend was watching me with tear-filled eyes while Zacky was looking at me with shock, his mouth wide open.
I licked my lips, took a deep breath and said slowly, “You can probably guess who did this.”
He narrowed his eyes and started to shake his head as he ground out, “Your father. Your fucking father did that to you.”
I lowered my head again, but my silence was my answer.
“Fuck.” Brian yelled, stomping away before pacing back to stand in front of me again.
“Where is he?”
I looked up at him, stricken. Why did he need to know?
“Katie, where is he? Is he at home or work? Or is he at the bar?”
“Why? What difference does it make where he is?”
“Because I am going to fucking kill him, that’s why.” He said, looking at me as if I should have known that answer.
My eyes widened. “What? Brian, no – “
“Yes, I am. How can I not? Have you even seen yourself?” He shook his head and when I heard his voice break at the end I felt tears fill my own eyes.
“I know.” I sniffed. “I know, but please…” I wasn’t sure what I was asking him, but he gritted his teeth as he watched me.
Then he was taking my arm and pulling me out of the kitchen, telling the other two that we would talk to them later. Brian barely gave me time to grab my stuff before he was pulling me out the door, making me walk with him to his car and helping me get in the front seat.
The ride back to his place was silent and so tense, the air was almost thick with it. I huddled in my seat, gripping my hands in my lap, and whenever I snuck glances at Brian, I saw that he was gripping the wheel with both hands, clenching and unclenching his jaw as he glared murderously out the window.
A few times, I thought of saying something to him – anything, just to ease the silence, but then I would think better of it and look out the side window.
My stomach rolled with dread as we pulled into his driveway. I left my books inside and just grabbed my purse, following him up the sidewalk and through the front door. Brian went into the kitchen and turned on the light, leaving me to follow slowly, feeling unsure of what I should do.
I glanced at Brian and sat stiffly at the table, hunching a little in the chair in an effort to hide the way my body was trembling as I watched him in anxious expectation.
And still, he never spoke to me. He stood against the counter, his hands resting on the countertop behind him as he looked angrily down at the floor. I didn’t bother wondering what he was thinking; I was nervous enough, I didn’t need to add that burden to myself.
But when ten more minutes passed by and he remained silent, I couldn’t wait any longer. I needed him to speak to me – even if I didn’t like what he had to say. Anything was better than nothing.
“Brian, I – “
“Why does he do it?”
I paused before asking, “What?”
“Why does he do it?” His voice was gruff, but quiet. “Why does he hit you?”
“I don’t know.” I stammered. “He’s drunk when he does it, most of the time.”
“And the other times?”
“I piss him off, I guess.”
“Bullshit.” Brian spat, making me jump. “No matter how much you piss him off, he should never hit you, or hurt you in any way. He’s your father.”
I nodded silently, knowing he was right. My father had no right to touch me in any harmful way, and I knew this. But I still felt the need to defend him, or make excuses, and I wasn’t sure why.
“How long has he been doing it for?”
I shrugged uncomfortably, not really sure how long it’s been happening.
“I guess since Kelly left. Well, he hit her and that’s why she split.” My voice was rather calm, despite the way my heart was thundering inside my chest.
“So she left you alone with your drunken, abusive father.” He sounded disgusted. “That was nice of her.”
I shrugged again and lowered my eyes to my lap, looking at the way my hands were gripped together. My knuckles were almost white and my fingers started to throb, though I didn’t remove the pressure. I was afraid I was going to fall apart any minute, and surely the last thing Brian wanted to deal with was a sobbing, incoherent girlfriend.
“Why didn’t you tell me about this before? I’ve seen the bruises, and you always lied. Why not just tell me the truth.”
“Couldn’t.” I mumbled.
“Why?”
I raised my eyes to his and regarded him soberly. “Come on, Brian. How was I honestly supposed to tell you that the bruises came from my dad? It’s not exactly something that I want to fess up to, you know.”
I heard him sigh heavily and then he was coming towards me, pulling out the chair adjacent from mine and sliding it in front of me. He reached out and took my hands, forcing them apart so he could hold them both in on of his as he used his other hand to tip my face up to his.
“Baby, I’m sorry I got angry. I just…I hate the thought of anyone putting their hands on you in any way, and I hate seeing you hurt. And I wish that you would have told me.”
The gentleness in his voice was more than I could handle and tears filled my eyes as I shook my head at him.
“I’m sorry.” My voice broke as fat tear drops slid down my cheeks, but I didn’t stop from speaking. “I’m sorry I never told you and I’m sorry that I l-lied…I just didn’t want you to hate me, B-Brian. Please don’t be m-mad at me, please…”
Before I knew it, I was sitting on Brian’s lap and he was holding me tight against his chest.
“Baby, it’s okay.” He assured me, pressing his lips to my hair as he rocked me back and forth.
I continued to cry into his chest, not even really listening to his words because just the sound of his voice was soothing to my ears. Then we were moving, and I realized that he was cradling me against his chest as he carried me through the kitchen and up the stairs to his bedroom. He gently placed me on the bed and crawled beside me, holding me in his arms as we lay in silence.
I took a deep breath and pulled away to look into his eyes as I said softly, “Since you already know everything about…that, there’s something else that I need to tell you.”
He frowned, but nodded and watched silently as I sat up to face him, sitting on my knees. He sat up too, resting his elbows on his knees as I slowly started pulling up the sleeves of my sweater.