Smile for Me

I rolled the sleeves past my elbows and held out my arms, displaying the dozens of scars that riddled my skin, along with the fresh cut from last night.
Brian stared down at my arms silently for a moment before he sighed deeply, taking my wrists and bringing my arms up to his face. He gently kissed the inside of each arm before raising his eyes to mine. When I saw the tears there, I bit my lip to keep myself from crying – again.
“How long have you been doing this for?”
“A few years, I think.” I lowered my eyes, watching his fingers trail lightly over my skin, tracing each scar tenderly, as if he were afraid they still hurt me.
“Because your father hurts you.” It was more of a statement than a question, and I nodded.
“Yeah. And because my sister’s not here.”
He sighed again and looked back down at my arms, lightly touching the fresh marks. “And these are from last night?”
I nodded again, unable to answer. Shame had made me unable to speak, as well as dread of his reaction.
“Please stop.” He whispered, looking up at me again and taking my face in his hands. “Katie, stop hurting yourself. I hate seeing you hurting, you know that, and the fact that you’ve done this to yourself…just please promise me that you’ll stop.”
I stared into his eyes, recalling that earlier this morning I had promised Emma that I would try to stop. I hadn’t been sure then if I would be able to keep that promise, but after seeing the tears of pleading and desperation in my boyfriend’s eyes, I knew that I could promise him anything. And keep it.
Putting my own hands on his face, I lowered my lips to his and kissed him lightly before whispering, “I promise.”

Brian and I had been lying in his bed for the past few hours, just holding on to each other, not speaking; we didn’t need to. He would give me random kisses every once in a while, and I would return them, before we would be still once again, listening to the rain pattering on the window and against the roof. I hadn’t been aware that it was supposed to rain today, but it was nice, relaxing.
I was just drifting off to sleep when he shifted beside me and kissed my forehead. I smiled, keeping my eyes closed, and trailed my hand down his arm.
“Are you going home tonight?” He murmured.
“I have to.” I replied with a sigh.
He paused, playing with my hair, gently tugging on the strands.
“You don’t have to.”
I opened my eyes to see he was resting on his side, holding himself up with one elbow.
“What do you mean, I don’t have to?”
“You can stay here.” He offered without looking at me. “You can spend the night with me.”
I felt myself blush and when I never answered he glanced at my face, then looked back and chuckled.
“I didn’t mean it that way, baby. We won’t do anything – at least, not unless you want to.” He said seductively with a smirk and I slapped his arm. He laughed out loud before continuing. “You know what I meant, Katie.”
I sighed. “Yeah, I did. But I don’t know, Brian. I don’t have anything here, and...I don’t know.”
“Well, we can go get you some stuff.” He offered, draping his arm over my stomach. “Is he home right now?”
“I don’t know.” I mumbled, realizing for the first time that I would have to see my father tonight.
“We can go to your place and get you some stuff for tonight, or for as long as you want.” He said again, rubbing my side.
I nodded, thinking about it. I did want to stay with him, not only because he was my boyfriend, but also because it gave me a reason to not go home. But…
He noticed I was biting my lip in thought and poked me. “What?”
“Well…” I sighed. “Won’t it be awkward?”
He frowned at me in confusion. “Why would it be awkward?”
I raised my eyebrow at him and stared at him blankly, waiting for him to get the picture. He looked back at me with wide eyes, obviously not getting it.
“You know why, Brian. You and me, and guy and girl, sleeping in the same bed…how could that be awkward?”
“Oh…because we haven’t had sex, you mean?”
I nodded slightly, feeling my face burn again.
“Katie, I don’t care about that. I mean, I do care about it but it doesn’t bother me. I know you’re not ready for sex yet, and I respect that.”
I smiled at him and whispered, “Thank you.”
Returning my smile, he whispered back, “You’re welcome.” Then in his normal voice he asked, “So what do you think? Want to stay here?”
I nodded. “Okay. If you’re sure?”
“Damn right, I’m sure.” He grinned, kissed me quickly, and jumped off the bed. “Come on, let’s get to your place before your dad gets home.”