It Never Ends

I felt sick. I wanted to puke, I wanted to give up. I wanted to scream and cry, yell to the world that it was so unfair. I didn't want to move. Didn't want to eat or get up. I just didn't want to face the day. I wasn't ready to face reality. I couldn't even sleep.

The moon's light flooded my bedroom through the window directing onto my bed and the bare wall above it. Various boxes were stacked on either side of the window, filled with many of my Pokemon stuff. My entire room was bare, all the posters, action figures, and pictures of me with friends were gone. Beside the boxes were trash bags filled with many stuffed animals that look like Pokemon.

I think it's safe to say I like Pokemon.

My eyes kept wandering around the room, brain begging for sleep but my body refusing to shut down. I could hear my heart beating in my ears, the sound of my breathes filling the air. I frowned and curled up into a ball, shutting my eyes and trying to fall asleep but it was useless; I was restless. My whole life was being flipped upside down in two ways at the same time.

I was moving tomorrow, I needed the sleep but I was too nervous and anxious. I whimpered quietly, pulling my blankets tighter around me and burying my face into my pillow. I just stayed like that for what felt like hours until I figured it was time for me to see how much time went by.

I opened my eyes but then squeezed them shut, refusing to let the sun peeking through my window disturb me. I uncurled from my ball, the knitted thermal blanket hugging me closely. My face pressed into my pillow, the scent of the fabric softener my mother used filled my nostrils.

I heard a knock come from my door and my body went rigid. The abruptness of the knock broke the thin wall I had created to keep back negative thoughts. Immediately my mind began to run wild, too many thoughts processed at once and I just couldn't understand any of them. I stared blankly into the fabric of my bedsheets. Another knock came from the other side of the door.

"Drew?" the sound of my mother's sweet voice called. I heard the knob turn and a breeze flooded the room. "Pikachu?" my mom called again, my bed sinking with her weight. I silently turned over to look at here, my face expressionless. "I made you pancakes, Hun," She smiled sadly. I just nodded my head. She sat there awkwardly for a couple of seconds, not use to my closed-off behavior. If this were any normall day I would have jumped up and pulled her into a tight hug then kiss her cheek. After, I'd gently shove her and run into the kitchen while she just laughed . But today isn't like any other day. She and I both knew that. She patted my leg and then quietly left my room, closing the door behind her.

I took a shaky breath and then sat up, goosebumps forming on my bare arms. I licked my chapped lips and grabbed my thermal blanket, wearing it like a cape. I slipped my feet into my Pokeball slippers, matching my Pokemon logo pajamas and Pikachu t-shirt. I stood up, my knees a bit wobbly but I continued my way out of my room and down to the kitchen. I walked to the refrigerator, taking a look at the picture of my brother and I stuck on with magnets. I smiled to myself shortly and then opened the fridge, reaching for the Sunny D orange juice and bringing it to the kitchen table. I sat across from my mom, served both of us a glass and then ate in silence.

“After this I'm going to go get the moving truck, do you want to come with?” she asked. I just shook my head and she sighed. “Can you bring all the remaining boxes down stairs for me?” I nodded my head at her and she smiled.

“Are we going to be the only ones moving the stuff?” I asked and she gave me a sheepish smile.

“The twins from next door are going to help.”

I just looked at her, fear instantly running through me. Every since we had got here the two twins that I was blessed -note the sarcasm- to be neighbors with had always picked on me. Frank and Kyle were carbon copies of each other, if one of them did something, so did the other. If Frank bought himself a Dr. Pepper, so did Kyle. If Kyle bought a blue v-neck, Frank would too. They constantly copied eachothers actions, two followers following what one another followed. Frank was the one who accidently threw an insult my way the first week I moved here, Kyle took it to his small brain that insulting me was a must so he threw more insults. Frank noticed that Kyle wasn't being kind to me and decided to do it as well.

Sometimes their constant copy-cat behavior went too far though. . .if Frank went to a party and banged some random girl, . . . Kyle would bang that same girl. . .

“Look I now you don't like them, Drew, but we could really use the help,” my mom said, furrowing her eyebrows. I knew she understood my hate for them, but I also understood her need of them. I wasn't exactly the strongest person, and neither was she. My brother and father were the ones who did all the work when we first moved into here. My mom and I just surpervised and provided them with food. I know, I'm not much of a macho man, but I'm a mamma's boy.

“I understand,” I replied, looking down at my empty plate. I got up but stopped, my thoughts keeping me in place.

I couldn't really believe it still, that the life I live is really mine. I haven't grasped the fact that we're really moving back to the house I grew up in. We were moving to be closer to my father and brother, something both my parents had decided was best. Though they were divorced, they didn't hate each other at all. When they first split, they did have huge differences, but over time they thought things through and then worked together to provide my brother and I with a loving family. My parents are great, I don't see my dad much but I'm sure it's about to change.

I know everything is going to change. I was screwed from the start, from the day I was born. I wasn't born perfect, I had a glitch in me. It wasn't my moms fault, she didn't do anything wrong when she had me in her womb, she did everything right. But God still gave me this. . . this deadly imperfection.

I was going to die. I knew it. I was so far down on the list to get a heart transplant, everyone knew that.

I would never make it. . .

Never.

I felt my bottom lip quiver, my resolve crumbling as I sank to the floor and let out a quiet sob. "Momma!" I cried out, sobs shaking my body. Fuck life! Why is it so unfair? Why me? What did I do deserve this?! I curled up into a ball and hugged my knees to my chest just sobbing my lungs out. She slipped down beside me, pulled me into her arms and began rocking us back and forth.

"Momma, why!" I screamed, burying my face into her shoulder. She just continued rocking us.

"I don't know Drew, but you need to calm down," she said, rubbing my shoulder. I just shook my head and cried. "Drew baby, please, please calm down!" she begged beginning to cry. I sobbed loudly, and shook my head furiously.

How can I not cry!?

How can I not when I know I'm going to die?]/b\\