Status: Complete
A Minute Without You
time line
chapter 6:
(the following week)
i'd been staying at my friend's houses for a week at this point. i'd been keeping in touch with my mother to let her know i wasnt dead, but, i refused to talk to my father. how could he do that to me? he made me switch schools so that i couldnt see taylor there either... if it weren't for the fact that i was going to graduate that year, i probably would have dropped out. none of my friend's knew what i had done to my arm in the bathroom the week before... and what i had done several more times after that. it always made me feel a little better afterwards, but... the pain always came back, and i guess that's why i kept doing it. my friend's were amazing to me that whole time. if they hadnt been there, i'd have probably killed myself that first night. i was still having suicidal thoughts, the days without taylor were getting harder and harder. it got more difficult everyday to not hear his voice or see his face. i didn't know what to do.
(a few months later... my eighteenth birthday)
i remember that day very, very well. i had then moved back home, but, still did not get along with my father. graduation was coming up very fast, it was in just a few weeks. my depression had only grown worse, and my grades showed that. my grades were barely good enough for me to graduate, but, i made sure that i didnt fail any classes... i just wanted to get out of there, i wanted to move far away. i hated the school my father made me go to. i hated being in the same town as taylor and not being able to see him. and it was even worse that day. i was having to celebrate my birthday without the one person i truly wanted to be there, it was awful. my parents wanted to try and cheer me up so they invited my friends over for a party. i'd gotten to the point where i was cutting myself multiple times a day, everyday. it was barely enough to numb the pain i felt on the inside. brandy spent the night with me the night before my party... she stayed with me often.... when she couldnt, someone else did. i couldnt be alone. we were sitting in my room waiting for everyone else to arrive and i broke down into tears. brandy held me while i cried and spoke soothing words to me. she didn't need to ask what was wrong. she already knew.
my friends arrived and i quickly dried up my tears and put on the best imitation of a happy face that i could and we went downstairs. during the party, i tried my hardest to pretend to be happy, but, i knew that everyone knew i really wasnt. they all knew what i was feeling on the inside.
(graduation)
finally, the day that id been waiting for had arrived. but, it wasnt as i'd hoped. i'd hoped that as soon as graduation was over, i could get out and leave that place, but, it wasnt going to happen. i couldnt afford to move out on my own yet, and so i was forced to stay with my parents.
after graduation i went home and locked myself in my bedroom. i put on some music and grabbed my yearbook from the school i went to before my dad made me leave and a blade. i sat on the floor and placed the yearbook beside me. i took my blade in hand and began searching for that special release that i needed so bad. i cleaned the blood off of my arms and picked up my yearbook and began looking through its pages... i shouldn't have done that. i turned to the senior section of the book, and there he was... blue eyes, shaggy blonde hair, and a smile that turned me to jelly. i immediately began crying... the pain was too much, i couldnt take it anymore, i knew that there was no way i could live the rest of my life without taylor, i just couldnt. i knew that my friend's were coming by to get me soon because we were supposed to go celebrate graduating.... but, i didnt care... i picked my blade back up and sliced through my wrists. the blood began to flow. it was draining out of me as if someone had pulled a plug. i smiled. i began blacking out just as my door opened and i heard anna yell for someone to call an ambulance.
when i woke up i was in a hospital and my mother was asleep in the corner. i started crying. i shouldnt have been there. i should have been dead. laying there on that bed i wished that i were dead. i wished that they hadnt saved me, i wished that they had been too late. living my life just wasnt worth it without taylor there. i needed him to be okay. i needed him to live.
you'd think that my father would learn to forgive his childhood enemy after his daughter tried to kill herself because he wouldnt let her near the person she loved the most. but, he didnt....
(two years later)
i had been going to therapy every week, twice a week for two years... ever since i'd tried to kill myself the second time. two weeks after getting out of the hospital the first time, i tried again. at this time i was finally living on my own, but, i still felt like something was missing. i needed taylor back in my life... but, i didnt even know where he was. i didnt know if he was in college, or if he was still at home. even after two years of therapy, i was still cutting myself... not everyday as before... but frequently. because of therapy, i was beginning to let my father back in my life. i knew that it was killing him not having his daughter around. though, i still hadnt completely forgiven him. i still loved taylor just as much as i did two years ago. i thought about him everyday, and i often wondered if he thought about me too. i decided that as soon as i was able, i would try and find him.
(one year later)
i had spent that whole year trying to track down taylor... i had finally found him. he was living in new york and apparently his band was doing quite well there. they'd made a record and "a minute without you" was on it. i told my parents that i was going to new york to find taylor. i told my dad that i still loved taylor and that if taylor loved me too, then there would be no stopping me. i was going to marry him. my parents told me that if we got married they would not attend my wedding. that hurt me... but, i didnt care if i lost my parents... taylor and my eight best friends were all i needed. i called my friends to let them know that i was going to look for taylor and they refused to let me go without them. so, we all packed our things and we were on the road that night.
(the following week)
i'd been staying at my friend's houses for a week at this point. i'd been keeping in touch with my mother to let her know i wasnt dead, but, i refused to talk to my father. how could he do that to me? he made me switch schools so that i couldnt see taylor there either... if it weren't for the fact that i was going to graduate that year, i probably would have dropped out. none of my friend's knew what i had done to my arm in the bathroom the week before... and what i had done several more times after that. it always made me feel a little better afterwards, but... the pain always came back, and i guess that's why i kept doing it. my friend's were amazing to me that whole time. if they hadnt been there, i'd have probably killed myself that first night. i was still having suicidal thoughts, the days without taylor were getting harder and harder. it got more difficult everyday to not hear his voice or see his face. i didn't know what to do.
(a few months later... my eighteenth birthday)
i remember that day very, very well. i had then moved back home, but, still did not get along with my father. graduation was coming up very fast, it was in just a few weeks. my depression had only grown worse, and my grades showed that. my grades were barely good enough for me to graduate, but, i made sure that i didnt fail any classes... i just wanted to get out of there, i wanted to move far away. i hated the school my father made me go to. i hated being in the same town as taylor and not being able to see him. and it was even worse that day. i was having to celebrate my birthday without the one person i truly wanted to be there, it was awful. my parents wanted to try and cheer me up so they invited my friends over for a party. i'd gotten to the point where i was cutting myself multiple times a day, everyday. it was barely enough to numb the pain i felt on the inside. brandy spent the night with me the night before my party... she stayed with me often.... when she couldnt, someone else did. i couldnt be alone. we were sitting in my room waiting for everyone else to arrive and i broke down into tears. brandy held me while i cried and spoke soothing words to me. she didn't need to ask what was wrong. she already knew.
my friends arrived and i quickly dried up my tears and put on the best imitation of a happy face that i could and we went downstairs. during the party, i tried my hardest to pretend to be happy, but, i knew that everyone knew i really wasnt. they all knew what i was feeling on the inside.
(graduation)
finally, the day that id been waiting for had arrived. but, it wasnt as i'd hoped. i'd hoped that as soon as graduation was over, i could get out and leave that place, but, it wasnt going to happen. i couldnt afford to move out on my own yet, and so i was forced to stay with my parents.
after graduation i went home and locked myself in my bedroom. i put on some music and grabbed my yearbook from the school i went to before my dad made me leave and a blade. i sat on the floor and placed the yearbook beside me. i took my blade in hand and began searching for that special release that i needed so bad. i cleaned the blood off of my arms and picked up my yearbook and began looking through its pages... i shouldn't have done that. i turned to the senior section of the book, and there he was... blue eyes, shaggy blonde hair, and a smile that turned me to jelly. i immediately began crying... the pain was too much, i couldnt take it anymore, i knew that there was no way i could live the rest of my life without taylor, i just couldnt. i knew that my friend's were coming by to get me soon because we were supposed to go celebrate graduating.... but, i didnt care... i picked my blade back up and sliced through my wrists. the blood began to flow. it was draining out of me as if someone had pulled a plug. i smiled. i began blacking out just as my door opened and i heard anna yell for someone to call an ambulance.
when i woke up i was in a hospital and my mother was asleep in the corner. i started crying. i shouldnt have been there. i should have been dead. laying there on that bed i wished that i were dead. i wished that they hadnt saved me, i wished that they had been too late. living my life just wasnt worth it without taylor there. i needed him to be okay. i needed him to live.
you'd think that my father would learn to forgive his childhood enemy after his daughter tried to kill herself because he wouldnt let her near the person she loved the most. but, he didnt....
(two years later)
i had been going to therapy every week, twice a week for two years... ever since i'd tried to kill myself the second time. two weeks after getting out of the hospital the first time, i tried again. at this time i was finally living on my own, but, i still felt like something was missing. i needed taylor back in my life... but, i didnt even know where he was. i didnt know if he was in college, or if he was still at home. even after two years of therapy, i was still cutting myself... not everyday as before... but frequently. because of therapy, i was beginning to let my father back in my life. i knew that it was killing him not having his daughter around. though, i still hadnt completely forgiven him. i still loved taylor just as much as i did two years ago. i thought about him everyday, and i often wondered if he thought about me too. i decided that as soon as i was able, i would try and find him.
(one year later)
i had spent that whole year trying to track down taylor... i had finally found him. he was living in new york and apparently his band was doing quite well there. they'd made a record and "a minute without you" was on it. i told my parents that i was going to new york to find taylor. i told my dad that i still loved taylor and that if taylor loved me too, then there would be no stopping me. i was going to marry him. my parents told me that if we got married they would not attend my wedding. that hurt me... but, i didnt care if i lost my parents... taylor and my eight best friends were all i needed. i called my friends to let them know that i was going to look for taylor and they refused to let me go without them. so, we all packed our things and we were on the road that night.