Butterfly

August 28, 2005

This is it. The first day of sophomore year is tomorrow. I’m only kind of freaking out. Who I am kidding? I’m hyperventilating to the point of a mental breakdown! Rory kept staring at me at dinner, like he’s waiting for a bomb to go off. It’s really weird, but then again, he’s a guy so…they are prone to acting like total baboons for no reason. I feel so different. I think I might start eating actual food again. Maybe this time around I won’t screw it all up. I’ll start small, a little celery here and there. I hear that celery is actually negative calories. I guess since they’re zero calories but they’re hard to digest it actually burns calories trying to digest them. Cool.

I’m trying my best to just be chill, but I keep looking at myself in the mirror. I got really slender, and I put lemon juice in my hair to bring out my natural highlights, and I got really tan. Maybe tomorrow won’t be so bad after all. –Rose

The streaked look from ‘my crying makes my make-up run’ is not really my style. I’m not usually the girl who cries about everything little thing. The last time I really and truly cried was when Rose stopped talking to me. I knew I lost her on the first day of school when she didn’t sit next to me at lunch. She sat with someone else. A boy.

I was hurt. She didn’t even smile at me and point at him, mouthing, ‘He’s adorable!’

Nope. She didn’t even glance in my direction.

How can you blame me for being so confused? I felt an overwhelming amount of emotions; sadness, anger, resentment, frustration, and even confusion. But the one emotion that kind of surprised me was shame.

I was ashamed of her. How could she have treated her best friend that way?

She gave me a freaking bracelet that said we were freaking butterflies. No, that’s cool, Rose. Just pretend like I’m not there. I don’t care.

I went home that night and cried myself to sleep. I did that for at least a month before I realized how pathetic I was acting. Then I just decided to grow up. I figured we were bound to grow apart eventually. I didn’t realize that it could be so sudden.

Oh, well. Life went on. I made new friends, and so did she. (Her friends were a lot more popular than mine, as was expected.)

Putting the bracelet in the pocket of my jacket, I pushed all thoughts of that horrible day away from my mind. I climbed down the wobbly ladder and looked around the ‘kitchen’. The plates and cups gathered a lot more dust than they used to. The paint was chipping again on the cabinets.

I decided to walk to the stream; I needed to clear my head by letting my feet rest easy against the cool water. It was just as nice as I thought it was going to be. Enjoying the moment, I let my head roll back to gaze at the sky.

“I thought I’d find you here,” said a voice behind me.

December 31, 2002

Whatever Rosie wants, Rosie gets. Typical.

Tonight, she wanted to celebrate New Year’s Eve at the cottage. Ha! It was like negative five hundred degrees outside. There was no way we were spending our holiday in a desolate cabin with no heat or food. Not to mention there was snow on the ground, everywhere.

“Please Grace? Please with little cherries on top?”

“I think you’re crazy. We will freeze to death in that large icebox.”

“Will you stop being so dramatic? We don’t have to spend the whole night there, just for an hour or so.”

“No.”

Rose gave me a pouty face, acting like a little kid was a specialty of hers.

“You know what? Fine. We’ll do it. We can light a fire and bring a bunch of blankets.”

“Yay!” she screamed in my ear.

“Oh and by the way, Rory’s coming.”

“What?”

“All of his friends are out of town, and he didn’t want to spend the night with our parents. Ew. Parents are gross.”

It was hard to believe we were in the seventh grade. She always acted so-…wait. Rory?

“Why would Rory want to come to the cottage with us?”

“He likes you.”

I swear my heart skipped a beat.

Blushing, I managed to spit out, “W-what? B-but he’s older than us, and I-I’m not that pre-“

“Come on, Gracie Lou Fallen, it’s obvious! And you’re gorgeous. I wish I had hair as pretty as yours, mine’s icky.”

“First of all, my middle name is Anne. It is not Lou. Nor will it ever be Lou. Second, you got that from Miss Congeniality. I’d remember, it’s Sandra Bullock. Third, I wish I had eyes as pretty as yours. You’re gorgeous.”

“Am not.”

“You’re right. You do have some boyish qualities. And you’re fat.”

“Wait, what? Really?”

“…I was kidding, I’m sorry.”

I felt bad, I was just kidding around. I didn’t think she’d actually take it to heart.

“Um, ok. So when are we heading out to the cottage?”

“Well, I was thinking around 11.”

“Ok, so I’ll meet you and Rory there?”

“Yea.”

“Ok, see you there then.”

“Bye, Grace.”

“Bye, Rose.”

Awkward. I sincerely did not mean to hurt her feelings, I would never do that.

Rory was coming. I could barely get dressed, I was trembling so much. I tried to look nice; I even did a little make-up. Make-up in the seventh grade consisted of mascara…and that’s about it.

My parents were hesitant to let me go to ‘Rose’s house’ so late. But I finally convinced them to let me ‘walk to her house’ since it was just down the street.

I snuck some chocolate into my jacket and left with two blankets secured under each arm. And with a kiss to mom and dad, I was out the door.

Rory and Rose were already there when I got there. The snow had snowed the cottage in, so we struggled getting in at first. When we did get in we set up camp in the kitchen, we brought down our mattress and all of our pillows and blankets. We arranged them by the fire that Rory had started.

Oh, Rory. He was adorable. I had to physically make myself think of other things besides him and make myself stop staring at him. He looked just like Rose, except more guyish.

Eventually, my heart settled down a little and we started to make s’mores. The chocolate came in handy for something.

“Guys! It’s 11:58!” Rose shouted at us, while staring at her Hello Kitty watch. (I swear she was like, five.)

“Great,” Rory said sarcastically.

“Shut up, don’t spoil my fun.”

“I’m not, I ju-”

“Whatever.”

A few moments passed, and I sneaked a glance at Rory, but he caught me and smiled. I smiled back with my heart pounding against my chest and butterflies fluttering in my stomach.

“MIDNIGHT!” Rose screamed, while shattering our ear drums.

“Rory. Grace.”

We looked at her expectantly, “Kiss.”

“What?” we said in unison.

“Do it, it’s tradition to kiss on New Year’s.”

“B-but Rose-” I stuttered.

“Ok, fine.”

What?

“We’ll kiss.” I just stared at Rory.

He started leaning in to me, and I was unsure of what to do. So I just sat there. When Rory noticed that I wasn’t doing anything, he began backing away. I didn’t want him to, though. I was going to have my first kiss with Rory if it was the last thing I did.

I crashed my lips into his, taking him by surprise. It was tender and sweet, an innocent little moment. We both pulled away, I was blushing about fifteen shades of pink when Rose cooed, “Aw!”

“I-I should probably get home b-before my parents notice how long I’ve been gone.” I stood up.

“Um, yea…ok. Do you want me to walk you?” Rory looked up at me.

“NO! I mean, no, no. That’s ok, I’ll manage. But…thanks, Rory.”

And with that, I was gone.

Best New Year’s Eve. Ever.

This was the exact memory that popped into my head as I turned around to face the one and only, Rory Artwood.