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I don’t know what to do or say right now. It’s like everything just slipped form my mind and I can’t feel anything. No, that’s a lie. I feel something, but it’s all negative and overwhelming. I don’t have the energy to talk vocally, to move, to even do anything that involves brainpower. I don’t have an appetite and I don’t feel hungry, so I haven’t eaten much today. And, I can’t seem to hold up a decent conversation with James.

I flew to San Francisco with Marlene the day he texted me. She and I made a plan that before school started up again, we would spend a week together; half in Vegas and half in San Fran. I told him this when we were on the phone with him. It was beautiful there. Everything was unbearably close together, but the piers and the architecture of certain structures are what really drew me in. The smell of the ocean and the brisk breeze delighted my senses and cleared my head. Nothing, to me, is more beautiful than the sight of waves breaking against the shore. I could lie on a beach and just stare out into the open waters for hours on end.

Marlene’s home, however, was not so beautiful. She lived in a decent sized apartment—three bedroom, two bath—that was somewhat tidy. The only things in her home to drink were tap water, milk, or alcohol. You would think the choice for a parent to choose for their daughters would be milk or water, but their mother doesn’t really give a damn if they choose to drink alcohol. As long as they don’t get caught, they’re allowed to do just about anything they want. They can leave the house with whoever they want, whenever they want, as long as they tell their mom that they’re leaving.

This, I suppose, is what has got me down. I love Marlene more than anyone, and I know that she’s already started to pick up some bad habits from her mother. Before, she and her sister lived with their aunt Jamie. The only thing that has succeeded in cheering me up—even if only slightly—is thinking about that first day of talking with James. We talked to each other all day, slowly getting to know each other. The end of that first day, though, is what really mattered to me.

New Message from: James Nakarta
Subject: Re: Hey
Body: Okay, goodnight. Text me tomorrow :)

I told him that I will, and then we ended our conversation with smiles.

That was two weeks ago, and aside from getting to know him better, there was nothing new going on in either of our lives yet. He still had the same assholes for parents, which he's told me all about, how he gets yelled at for the stupidest things—calling from his friend's house just two minutes late, not using the right side of the sponge to clean the frying pan, leaving his shoes in the living room. I've been opening up to James too, about stuff I never thought I would be able to talk about with anyone, stuff I usually try to keep hidden from my own mind. I told him how I've been attracted to girls since I was in 6th grade. I told him why and when my parents divorced, and that my dad flew the other side of the country as soon as he signed his name to be with his new wife, Lina. And I even told him about what I've been doing to my body since 7th grade.

Today, I got a completely random text from him that I never would have expected—from anyone—in my lifetime. It completely rushed the sad thoughts form my head, if only for a moment.

New Message from: James Nakarta
Subject: A Question
Body: Well I have a question, uhh... Promise you won't like freak out on me?

Me: Sure lol, go for it.

James: Would you consider, maybe... Will you be my girlfriend?

I couldn’t contain my excitement. As soon as those words were out, I had to slap myself—literally—to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. I ignored the painful sting of my cheek where my hand had hit and checked the screen again to make sure that what I was reading was right, real. When those words were still there, I ninja jumped and rolled onto my bed. My face landed perfect—face down in a pillow—and I screamed my heart out. When the screaming was done, I kissed my big tie-dye teddy bear Fluff on the nose and grabbed my phone. Taking a deep breath and closing my eyes, I typed three simple letters: Y E S.

His reply came quickly, but I dared not look at it; he could take it back just as quickly as he had made the offer. Instead, I hid my phone under a pillow, put on some music, and proceeded to my closet. Today was the first day of school and I wanted to make an impression on any cute people I see. Just because I—possibly, I haven’t checked his reply yet—boyfriend now, doesn’t mean that I don’t want any other people to find me attractive. Though, the only ones who have ever called me pretty to my face are some guy friends—who I have asked—and my female friends—straight and/or taken.

I decided to wear a black, tight-fitted Avenged Sevenfold T-shirt with skinny jeans and my normal accessories—a studded belt and dirty, colorful Chuck Taylors. Those two things are my constant for almost every outfit I wear. I threw some anti-frizz gel in my wet hair, brushed my teeth, and slipped in my contacts—which I just got over the summer. I almost never wear makeup, so I didn’t bother to put any on.

“Hey Mel!” My brother called from down the hall. “You ready to go yet?”

“Yeah,” I yelled back, through my closed bedroom door.

I grabbed my backpack and we headed out the door. Normally my mom takes me to school—she is a teacher at my high school—but this morning she had to be there earlier than usual and she didn’t want me to be too tired on the first day, so she asked my brother if he could drive me. He’s 23 and tall with brown hair and dark eyes. We have different dads, but that doesn’t make us treat each other any differently.

We were half way there—my school is kind of far from my house—and I finally decided to check the message James had sent me. As soon as I unlocked the screen and clicked on the text in my notifications, I let out the breath I didn’t know I was holding and smiled wide. I have a boyfriend, and boy did that word feel good on my tongue.