In the Silence

“Jasey, what are we going to do with you?”

This was a question I’d been hearing over and over these past few months. I pushed my light pinkish blonde, freshly dyed hair out of my eyes and threw my teacher a look. What was the big deal about a little hair dye? I’m not going to become a serial killer because my hair is blonde and pink. The most I could probably become is a fucking telletubby.

I stayed silent, though. I didn’t want to say the wrong thing—which, lately, I have been doing a lot of—and get in trouble. Mr. Watson sighed and looked over at me with those eyes that say, “I know you can do better than this.”

I resisted the urge to roll mine. I felt my body tense up, however, as he brought up my brother.

“Your brother wouldn’t have liked this behavior, and you know it, Jasey. I know it’s horribly tough on you right but, but your grades have dropped, and—“

“I have a bus to catch, Mr. Watson? I have a bus I can’t miss.” My voice was stone cold, and I knew he could tell. I watched him shift uncomfortably in his seat. Asshole.

“Yes, uh…sure, catch the bus. You’re free to leave, and remember what I was starting to tell you.”

By the time he finished, however, I was out of his office, and on my way to the main entrance. I didn’t hang out with anyone anymore; I kind of just stopped. Four months ago was the big accident, and since then, well, I guess you could call me a loner. It’s not like I had many friends who fought for the friendship anyway, so it didn’t really matter.

I decided to walk it home instead of taking the bus, because I really wasn’t in any rush. The mid-April air was sweet with the smell of flowers, and the warm breeze was nice. I almost felt happy. Almost.

Making my way inside, I could smell the food my mom was cooking, but I wasn’t hungry. I wasn’t really anything anymore.

“Welcome home, honey! Did school go well today? Your father and I have some news, wash up and come down for dinner.”

My parents and I weren’t on horrible terms as of now, but all I really wanted to do was sleep. News was news, however, so I nodded and forced up a smile, walking upstairs.

I flopped down onto my bed with a soft groan, closing my eyes and trying to pretend that everything was okay, when everything really wasn’t. It wasn’t working.

“Honey, finish up soon!” My mom called from downstairs, loudly.

I pulled my hair up and out of my face, and swapped my jeans and tank top for loose pajama shorts and a tee shirt, and trudged my way back downstairs.

“You’re having a hard time here at school, correct?” My parents waited until I sat down to begin explaining to me what this news was.

“Yeah…” My voice was soft and mumbled as I looked down at my hands, which were situated on my lap.

“It’s because of Jake, isn’t it? It’s hard for us here, too. We’ve decided to move, and to start someplace fresh. How does that sound for you? We didn’t want to say anything until everything was set, which it is. How about it, Jasey? Sound okay?”

The pros and cons began formulating in my mind, as I struggled to push them out.

“Where would be we going?”

“We figured we have had enough of the big city life, so we found a lovely home in Maryland.”

I chewed on the inside of my cheek and nodded. “Sounds fine with me. When do we leave?”

“In two weeks. Make sure all of your things that you want are packed. A van will be taking it there the night before.”

I excused myself from the table after the conversation; I was just so fucking tired. Maybe Maryland wouldn’t be such a bad idea. After all, no one gave a shit about me here, anyway.

If I couldn’t erase my past, I might as well bury it alive and hope it doesn’t come back for me.

Goodbye New York, hello Maryland.