The Amazingly Magical Stories of Harry Putter and the Putters

I assure you I have written much more meaningful stories than this.

Tumblefore turned around, knocked on the door of Number Forty, Sweetbriar Drive, and then, giggling maniacally, ran towards the golf cart and hopped in. As it sped away into the sky, Vernando Dizzly’s wife Parsnip Dizzly opened the door, looked down at the sleeping baby on her porch, and with a scream, dropped the freshly-baked pie that she held in her hands. It landed right on the baby and suddenly exploded, covering every house on the street with bits of pie.

High up in the sky, unaware of what had just happened below him, Professor Tumblefore chuckled merrily.

“Everything turned out better than expected,” he said with a smile.

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"Yer a Goffer, Harry," the giant man called Hairbrains said.

"But... that's impossible!" said the skinny boy. "I mean, there's no way I... I mean, I can't be a... a Goffer!" He said it as if it were a thing to be proud of, then, realizing this, scrunched his nose up and added, "...Whatever in the bloody hell that is."

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Harry Putter has lived for ten years with his dreadful Aunt Parsnip and Uncle Vernando and cousin Cadberry Dizzly. But on his eleventh birthday, a half-giant named Hairbrains arrives at his house in a flying golf cart to tell him that he's a magical Goffer, his parents were murdered by the evil Lord Bunkermort, and he's been accepted to Warthogs School of Magic and Golfing.

Upon arriving at Warthogs, Harry befriends a colorful cast of characters, including the headmaster Professor Tumblefore and fellow students Run Wizzy and Hermowninny Nofun, who join him on many adventures while they discover the secrets of the school, and, more importantly, the truth about themselves.

An accurate if not chuckle-worthy parody, Harry Putter was concocted off of boredom and sleep deprivation, proving that even the stupidest things can be inspired by a simple typo.

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Character References (if you couldn't figure them out already):

Professor Tumblefore=Professor Albus Dumbledore
Professor Kat McKitty=Professor Minerva McGonnegal
Ransacked Hairbrains=Rubeus Hagrid
Serious Ferrealz=Sirius Black
Vernando Dizzly=Vernon Dursley
Parsnip Dizzly=Petunia Dursley
Cadberry Dizzly=Dudly Dursley
Harry Putter=Harry Potter
Run Wizzy=Ron Weasly
Hermowninny Nofun=Hermione Granger
Lord Bunkermort=Lord Voldemort

And that's all I have so far.
There are a lot of characters in Harry Potter... o_O