Ironic Peace.

Me and Sarah were driving from my home in the small town of Thorntown, Indiana to Los Angeles, California to move into our new house, which was just down the street from Pete Wentz’s record label which we had just gotten signed to with our two-man band, Ironic Peace. She was the singer and I played guitar. I had never lived outside of Indiana – and I had moved twice since I was born.

Like Sarah, I was born in Indianapolis. I lived there until I was 3 and my dad got a job in Fort Wayne, where I met my now-ex-boyfriend, Jordan Witzigreuter. He was my first kiss, my first time, my last kiss, my last time. We ended 6 and a half months ago when he got signed to Pete’s label and moved to California. Well actually we never broke up, but we just don’t talk anymore. So I guess you could say we’re still together but not talking? I know can’t avoid him forever but I just don’t want to see me like this.

I’m six and a half months pregnant with his daughter. We’re only 20, we can’t raise a baby. But after much coaxing from Sarah and my parents, I decided to keep her. It’s hard to believe that the last night he spent here with me, the last night I was in Fort Wayne led to this little life inside. That a week of me being off birth control and him using protection even though we were out of highschool and in love, led to this. That one fucking condom that broke led to this. That he couldn’t even fucking text me back when I told him a month after he left led me to be sitting in this car with my huge fucking belly in front of me and Sarah listening to his newly released CD.

I don’t have a name for her yet, but Sarah keeps referring to her as “Baby Beckett.” I have to admit, it’s a pretty unique name for a girl. And it would go good with the middle name I want – Grace. Hmm. Beckett Grace Witzigreuter. I sort of like it.

“Okay Sarah, you win” I said.

“I win what?” she was to busy playing with the G.P.S. to look up.

“Her name.” I said.

“Who’s name.?” She asked me.

“The baby’s!” I said.

“Oh Baby Beckett?” she said.

“Yeah. Her name is going to be Beckett Grace Witzigreuter.” I said. She smiled at me before pulling into a McDonalds. It was like 11 pm and we’d just gotten into L.A. I ordered our food while Sarah got our sodas.

“You haven’t talked to Tori in a long time, Jordan” I heard a voice behind me.

“I know. I want to but I’m just so busy touring and with interviews and ugh.” that familiar voice was almost too close for me.

“Order for – Tori?” The guy said and I walked up to get it. Sarah was already sitting in a booth waiting for me. I turned around and almost hit Jordan as he stood against the pole.

“Tori?” He whispered.

“Hi.” I said.

“You’re very....big” he said.

“It’s okay to say I look fat, Jordan. I think I’ve known you long enough.” I said shifting on to my other foot because I was getting uncomfortable.

“Who’s with you?” he said.

“Sarah. We got signed.” I said.

“Oh cool. By what label?” he asked me as the blondish haired guy got their food.

“Same as you.” I said. “Do you two want to sit with us?”

“Sure.” they said.

“By the way, Tori. This is Andy. He’s in my band.” Jordan said. I smiled at him.

“Tori. Jordan’s girlfriend” I said. By the time we finished eating I had discovered tomorrow was a day off for them.

“It’s really late. Do you guys wanna come stay at our apartment for tonight. Then we can help you move in the morning?” Jordan asked. We agreed before going to his apartment and I laid on the couch.

“Come on, get off the couch” Jordan said. I groaned before opening my eyes.

“But it’s comfy.” I said.

“Does it look like I care. I’m not letting my girlfriend sleep on the couch. You can stay in my room with me. And it’s up to Andy and Sarah with what they want to do..” he said. I finally agreed before getting off the couch and walking to the bedroom. I changed clothes really quick before laying on the bed beside him. It became clear he was dying to ask about the baby, but couldn’t find the words to. So I sat up.

“I’m 6 and half months. It’s a girl and I picked the name Beckett Grace. She’s going have her fathers last name if it’s okay with him.” I said.

“How did you?” he stopped himself to rethink his words.

“I’ve been with you for 5 years, Jordan. I think I know pretty well.” I said.

“I still don’t understand how this could have happened to us. We took every precaution we could.” he whispered.

“I had been off birth control for a week, as you know. And yes we used protection. But sometimes no matter how hard you try. Trust me, I didn’t know the condom broke either until I found it in the trash.” I said.

“I’m sorry I did this too you.” he said.

“Why are you sorry. It’s just an obstacle in our relationship. We have to learn how to be parents.” I said.

“Do my parents know?” he said.

“No. And only my mom knows” I said. “But you never answered my question, Jordan. Is it okay if I give her your last name.”

“Of course. If we’re going to raise her together, I want her to have my last name. And hopefully, someday soon, her mommy will have my last name too.” he said before kissing my check. “Now go to sleep.” I drifted off to sleep before I knew it.

I woke up at 8 am. I don’t know why but I did. Jordan wasn’t in the bed and I knew Andy and Sarah wouldn’t be up for a couple more hours. I grabbed my phone off the table and looked at messages. The few I had were from Jordan’s twitter and I laughed at his newest one. “You know that nervous feeling you get before you get married? That’s how I feel right now. Except I’m not getting married.” and my phone buzzed again.”No, I’m not getting married. I’m having a baby...” I got up and walked downstairs to see Jordan on his computer in the kitchen.

“Will you quit updating your twitter?” I said.

“Uh, no? I didn’t even know you had one.” he said. I nodded before telling him my username.

“And your last one makes you sound like you’re the one having the baby” I said. He rolled his eyes before updating again. “Wait, no. I’m not having the baby. @ironicallyTori is. But it was my sperm that did it.” I laughed before going to wake up Sarah who was sleeping on the couch. I held my finger to my lips signaling for Jordan and Andy to be quiet.

“SARAH WAKE UP THE APARTMENT’S ON FIRE!!” I screamed. She shot up and I looked into the kitchen to see Jordan and Andy gasping for breath and holding their sides. I got a smack on the back of the head before Sarah walked into the kitchen to get coffee.

When we were officially moved into the house, I stood out on the porch with Jordan. He was staring out into the yard while Andy and Sarah played football.

“You know, what?” he said.

“What?” I said.

“This is one of the best day off I’ve had in a long time. I can’t wait until Beckett’s old enough for us to take her outside like this.” he said.

“Me either, babe.” I said, taking his hand and standing there.

“How are we going to do this?” he said. “I mean, raise her if we live ten minutes away from each other?”. I shrugged.

“I’ll talk to Sarah. Maybe you could move in right before or right after she’s born. I’m due in January” I said.

“That would be so much easier. I want to take you out tonight, since I haven’t seen you since the night this happened” he said as he laid his free hand on my bump.

“Okay. Sure. I’m not even going to tell Sarah” I said. I went to get dressed. So Jordan took me out, we didn’t go anywhere fancy, just Olive Garden. But luck have it, Pete was there.

“Oh, Tori. I see you’ve met Jordan” he said. I nodded.

“Yeah. I’ve known Jordan...since I was 3.” I said, sheepishly.

“Pete, Tori is the girlfriend back home I told you about” Jordan said.

“Oh, okay. I get it now. So you’re together and I’m guessing you’re the father of her daughter, Jordan?” Pete asked him. Jordan nodded.

“Her name’s Beckett” I said. “Beckett Grace” Once Pete left and we finished our meal, we left to go walk around L.A.

“It’s a lot prettier when it’s dark, but yeah.” he said as he laced his fingers with mine and we ignored the paparazzi.

I “slept over” with Jordan again that night. But Sarah would never know that because she and Andy decided that for the sake of me and Jordan – they didn’t want to know what kind of sexual things we did together. Sarah and Jordan were switching places, she was going to live with Andy(who I guess was now her boyfriend) and Jordan was going to live in the house with me. So now, I’m standing in the doorway as Jordan and Andy attempt to put the nursery furniture, and I’m playing with the ring on my left hand that signalized that Jordan was serious about this, that he was going to marry me.

“Maybe you need some help, guys” I said.

“No! We got this!” Jordan said finally sitting down and reading the directions on how to put the crib together. 3 hours later, they finally set it like they wanted before Andy and Sarah left. In the 6 weeks me and Sarah have been here, we’ve recorded an EP and Album that are going under editing and stuff like that. And me, being 8 months pregnant in December wasn’t helping. I had been shooed out of the nursery while Jordan put on finishing touches. Beckett was kicking a lot too. Finally, Jordan came and pulled me up. I almost started crying when he opened the door. It was beautiful. A few minutes later, his phone rang and it was his mom. She was demanding he came home for the holidays. After a few minutes of their banter, he handed me the phone.

“Hello?” I said.

“Tori! Will you tell your fiancé that he has to come home for the holidays” she said.

“I will. He’s just being stubborn” I said glancing at the pouting 21 year old.

“Thanks. I’ll see you at Christmas!” she said and hung up. I looked at Jordan.

“Oh come on, Jordan.” I said.

“But.” He said.

“Hey, if you go this year, next year we can have them come here.” I said. He finally agreed and we started packing up, decided we’d surprise them by driving up this weekend.

“I love you” he whispered giving me a kiss as soon as he placed the last bag in the trunk.

Me and Jordan had been at his parent’s house for just over a week and tonight he was doing a charity Christmas concert, even though it was snowing. It’s December 11. Sarah was staying at the house with me because Andy had to go perform with Jordan and Jordan’s parents were going to the show.

“It would really suck if you went into labor about right now” Sarah said as she sat with a bowl of popcorn on the couch.

“Well I’m 37 weeks. They said anywhere between 36 and 40 is normal.” I said.

“Well she needs to hurry up and get here because Aunt Sarah wants to hold her baby Beckett.” she said rubbing my belly.

“You’re so weird.” I said. She grinned before she hugged me and took the bowl back in the kitchen. I sat up on the couch and placed my hand where she was kicking. In the past twenty minutes I had started to have pains, but figured they were just Braxton Hicks contractions. I’d had them a lot in the past couple weeks so me and Jordan just ignored them most times, because they would fade away. By 9 o’clock when Jordan said he was going on, I knew these weren’t Braxton Hicks contractions, and I needed to go to the hospital.

“Hey Sarah?” I said.

“Yeah?” She looked up from her book.

“We need to go now. We need to get a hold of Jordan and tell him we’re going to the hospital. She isn’t waiting any longer” I said. Soon, I was sitting in the car as she drove me to the hospital. Once I was in a room, Sarah went to go get Jordan.

Jordan arrived 30 minutes after I did and hugged me first thing. I started laughing after he sat down he gave me a questioning look.

“Can you believe this?” I said.

“What?” He said.

“Of all fucking times to go into labor. You’re on stage” I said. He started to laugh himself.

“It’s just one of those things we can’t explain, huh?” he said. I shook my head. At 6:38am, Beckett’s heart rate dropped and they had to perform an emergency C-Section because it wasn’t going back up. She was born at 6:45am on December 12, 2010. It was the first time in our 6 year relationship that I’d seen Jordan cry. But of course, being the manly man he is, he didn’t cry until they handed her to him when I was taken to recovery. She was laying in the bed thing and Jordan was on his phone. I saw mine light up and I grabbed it to read his update. “Beckett Grace Witzigreuter, even at 7 pounds 8 ounces. You already have my heart. Love, Daddy”.

It was two days later that we got to leave the hospital. It was slow, going out to his car, because I was still sore, but we made it home. Jordan was very helpful with Beckett in that first week home, because I couldn’t do much but nurse as I was recovering from surgery. His parents would get up early in the morning to see Jordan walking up and down the hall bouncing her because she wouldn’t go to sleep. As I got to where I could help a lot more, he basically showed me what he did. Christmas morning, she was two weeks old. Jordan laughed as he kissed her little round head as he carried her downstairs because his siblings and nieces and nephews would be arriving soon. He changed her clothes before he went downstairs and I saw him have her in the onesie my mom had bought her. It said “I was the present this year” in white letters and the outfit itself was green and red. I had just showered and walked downstairs when his sister came in with her two kids. Once again, none of his family knew we were having her, so she was shocked to see Jordan with the screaming baby. But when he started singing, she calmed down.

“So what’s her name” his sister asked us.

“Beckett Grace.” I said.

“Aw, that’s adorable. How old is she?” she asked.

“Two weeks. She was born on the 12.” I said.

“Scared the shit out of us when she decided to come.” Jordan said.

“How so?” his sister was confused.

“At 6:30 am, her heart rate dropped and they couldn’t get it back up so I had to have an emergency C-Section but luckily she was okay” I said.

“C-Sections are a bitch, I had one with the oldest one.” she said looking at the two boys in the room. “You can’t really do anything for about a week”

“Oh trust me. I know. Jordan had to do most of it because I just couldn’t.” I said.

“The only thing I didn’t do is feed her and obviously, I don’t have the parts to do that. Speaking of which, I think that’s whats wrong with her” he said noting she was screaming again. I took her from him and went upstairs to feed her. When I came back with a happy Beckett, the rest of his family was there. Some of which I’d never met. But Jordan sat me on the couch with him and he held Beckett in his hands and started making faces at her just for the fun of it. I saw his sister with a camera and then the flash as she took a picture. The next one came when I was holding her right as Jordan gave me a kiss. He finally got tired of the embarrassing pictures.

“If you’re going to take pictures of us, can you do it when we’re not being all lovey-dovey?” he said. She laughed before she took a picture of all of us. I told Jordan I was going to go pump so I wouldn’t have to leave to feed Beckett again and he agreed.

We went back to California when she was 5 weeks old, and now I’m staring at our 5 month old daughter lay in her crib asleep. We’d just gotten back from our honeymoon and leaving Beckett with Sarah and Andy. To see her in one piece was amazing, because with Sarah watching her, you don’t know what’s going to happen. I felt Jordan wrap his hands around my waist.

“Is she still in one piece?” he asked.

“Surprisingly, Yes.” I said.

“That’s good. You need to calm down over her. She’s not going to stay a baby forever.” he said.

“Yes, I know. But I want her to have an actually childhood.” I said.

“It’s going to be hard, because of our careers” he whispered. I turned around to kiss him and he tighten his grip.

“EW! I know you’re fucking newlyweds but please don’t fornicate in the baby’s room.” Sarah and Andy said coming in to say goodbye.

=TEAM=

Ever since we’d started having Christmas in California, his parents would always make sure they came two-three times a year to see Beckett. Now, it’s Christmas morning and Beckett just turned too. Jordan and I are sitting on the living room floor with Beckett, Sarah, and Andy as we watch Beckett open presents. I handed Jordan his gifts before walking out of the room to get the one I had just discovered yesterday. I made him open it last.

“Are you serious?” He said looking at the positive pregnancy test. I nodded.

“Yep.” I said, popping my P. He gave me a kiss.

“It’s one of my favorite Christmas presents I’ve gotten. The best being this thing right here” he said grabbing his giggling daughter. Once Sarah and Andy left, we put Beckett down for a nap and started cooking. Our friends and family would be here later and it was just like old times.

“Hey Tori?”He said.

“Yeah, Jordan?” I asked looking up.

“I think we’re doing pretty good for people who don’t have a clue on what they’re doing” he said wrapping his arms around me.

“We sure are.” I said, giving him a kiss.

Graham Mark Witzigreuter joined our little family on September 3, 2013.