Behind Plastered Smiles

“Sienna, I’m home,” Logan called, entering the metal door of the city apartment. Sienna smiled from her spot behind the island, looking up from her wooden cutting board of chopped, colorful assortment of vegetables. Logan made his way across the white and gray speckled tiles, kissing Sienna’s cream colored cheek. He gave her a lopsided grin, his dimple digging into his left cheek, and she pushed a strand of her mahogany hair behind her ear.

“How was the studio today?” she asked, her cerulean eyes following him as he grabbed a soda from the refrigerator and made his way to the attached living room. He glanced back at her, running his free hand through his chocolate hair before sitting on the plush leather sofa, clicking on the television.

“You know, we recorded some songs for the new album, shot a few scenes for next season,” he said nonchalantly. She chewed on her lip, knowing the conversation was over. She scooped the green, red, and orange veggies into a pan, moving it to a burner on the small electric stove. The sound of the sports channel made its way through the still air, and Sienna frowned, watching the back of Logan’s head.

“I wanna talk about something at dinner,” she called, just loud enough for his russet eyes to flicker to her.

“Actually, I have to go to a party the studio’s hosting for James’s birthday. I don’t really have a choice.”

“Oh,” Sienna mumbled, crestfallen. She allowed her warm waves to surround her face, hiding it from him.

“You could always come.” She looked back up, giving him a tight lipped grin.

“It’s okay. You know how I feel about the whole Hollywood scene,” she said softly.

Dating Logan Henderson was something she’d never expected. When she moved to California to attend art school, she figured she’d have some sort of celebrity encounter eventually. She didn’t expect to hit Logan’s parked car her first week in Los Angeles, or for him to be so nice about it. He’d just given her a reassuring smile, his eyes as warm as melting chocolate, as he promised it would be okay. She didn’t expect him to ask her on a date, but he did; then he called her every day for a month, until she agreed to be his girlfriend.

Sienna had always been frightfully shy. Once she began seeing Logan, though, she was thrust into the spotlight. Whenever he asked her to accompany him to an award show or cast party, she couldn’t resist the way he batted his long, ebony lashes at her. However, if it weren’t necessary, she wouldn’t go. She preferred to be behind the camera, or really, canvas.

“Well, what did you want to talk about?” Logan inquired. His eyes were split between her and the baseball game.

“One of my drawings made it into a show. Opening night is tomorrow, and I was really hoping you’d go with me,” she said with a shrug.

“I’d love to. What time is it?” Sienna felt relief flood through her veins. They’d been dating nearly two years, but lately, she was starting to feel like just a footnote in his story. He spent more and more time at work or appearances, and consequently, less time with Sienna.

“Seven. You really mean you’ll be there?” she asked again, and he chuckled.

“I promise, Si, I’ll be there. You always put yourself out of your comfort zone to support me, it’s the least I could do for you.” With that, his neck rotated back to the flat screen, and Sienna continued cooking. After some passing moments, Logan stood and stretched, walking towards the cold steel door.

“Are you gonna be back before I’m asleep?” Sienna asked.

“Yeah, I won’t be too late.”

“I love you.”

“You too.”

The clicking of the door echoed in the quiet room, and Sienna sighed. The only thing she heard was the sizzling of the peppers and the old clock above the sink. Her mind wandered as she waited. She realized she didn’t want to be alone for the fifth night that week. She grabbed the black telephone, dialing in a familiar number.

“Sienna, why are you calling me?” a voice snapped playfully. Sienna felt a giggle rolling off her pursed lips.

“Addie, you’re coming over for dinner,” she said cheerfully.

“Free food? I’m in. I’ll be there in ten.” There was a click, followed by the dial tone on the other end. Sienna shook her head, setting the phone on the granite counters and dishing the stir-fry onto blue plastic plates.

The door flew open seven minutes later, revealing a tall, scrawny girl of 21, with golden ringlets grazing her shoulders. Her violet eyes shone, and she gave Sienna a smirk. Sienna rolled her eyes, setting the dishes on the small, oak table. The blond bounced over, draping her black biker jacket on the couch.

“Way to knock, Addie,” Sienna teased, throwing her arms around her best friend.

“What? You mean I don’t live here?” she shot back, plopping down on the matching oak chair.

“Well, you are here enough. Oh, by the way, you have some pastel across your face.” Addie frowned, running her thin fingertip over her porcelain cheekbone. The green chalk floated away in a dusty cloud

“I was doing some last minute touch-ups for the show tomorrow,” she explained, giving her bony shoulders a shrug. Sienna shoveled a piece of broccoli into her mouth before responding.

“You should just let it be, it’s perfect.” Sienna was met with an eye roll, which she mimicked back.

“Like you haven’t been working on yours every free moment.”

“Well, Logan said he’d come. I don’t want to disappoint him.” Addie’s eyes widened as Logan’s name was mentioned, and she tilted her head to the right.

“He’s really coming? He’s not going to blow it off like the last one? And by that I mean four.” Sienna’s eyes narrowed into sea colored slits, not at all liking where the accusations were going.

“He had to work. He’s busy, you know.”

“I don’t see why you’re making excuses for him, Si. You don’t even realize what’s happening,” Sienna stabbed her silver fork into a red pepper, looking up at her friend.

“What’s happening? Why don’t you inform me?” Addie hesitated, pushing a green bean around the plate. She shoved her blond ringlets out of her face, almost regretting speaking up.

“Sienna, when I met you in Art 216, you were such a happy girl. You didn’t care if you walked around with charcoal or pastel on your face from an art project. Your eyes used to have this sparkle in them, and a smile was always on your face.”

“I smile,” she protested, cutting Addie off mid-sentence.

“I’m not talking about the fake smile you plaster on your face when you’re pretending to be okay after Logan forgets about you, or the one you force when you’re out with Logan being hounded by those paparazzi freaks! I’m talking about the real one, which I haven’t seen in awhile. I had to sit here and watch as your eyes slowly faded to a dull, empty, sadness! I had to watch the bubbly person you used to be fade into a shadow of your old self, and you’re only 22!”

Sienna stared down at her plate, her appetite suddenly gone. Addie’s words stung like a slap across her face, and they stabbed at her mind. She could feel her blood turning cold, though, as she realized that maybe they were true. Her world had just turned itself upside down, and she had nothing to grab hold of.

“I love him,” were the only words she could muster up, her only way of justifying anything.

“I know you do, sweetie. But you’ve sacrificed everything for that boy: your privacy, your comfort zone, your happiness. What has he given up?” Sienna hung her head, trying to think. Logan cared about her, didn’t he?

“What do I do?” she asked softly, her throat tightening. She could feel the prickling against the back of her eyes as she allowed herself to admit it. She wasn’t happy anymore.

“He knows that the show is important to you. You asked him to come. Now all you can do is wait, and pray to God he hears you.”

“If he doesn’t?” Her eyes glazed over as she thought about what that would mean.

“Si, all you’ve done is give. You’ve given him everything you are and he now it’s his turn. If he can’t, well, there’s none of you left to stay.”



Light bulbs flashed white, blinding Sienna. She struggled to keep the smile on her ruby lips as she walked towards the gallery. There was a cold breeze that night, and she had goose bumps, even with the long silky sleeves of her black mini dress. The paparazzi shouted questions at her, which all sounded like one giant roar to her. The words that did make it through made it all the harder to feign joy.

“Where’s Logan?”

“Why isn’t Logan with you?"

“Are you and Logan fighting?”

Her pace quickened up the concrete steps, her nude pumps clicking against them. Her hand hovered above the black railing, the paint chipping to reveal a stone color. When she finally made it to the big, arched glass doors, a sigh of relief gushed from her lungs. Once she entered the open, carpeted room, it was much quieter. A pale arm intertwined with her own, and she jumped half a foot, almost knocking over a pedestal holding an intricate vase.

“Where is he?” Addie’s pale pink lips asked. Her dress was also black, but strapless, and there were silver beads working their way along the hem in vines.

“The studio,” she responded curtly, smiling and nodding politely at people she recognized.

“Did you call him?” Addie whispered, her silver heels reflecting rainbows on the plain white pedestals arranged around the rectangular room.

“Yeah.”

“Then why didn’t you tell him to get his ass down here?”

“Actually, I didn’t even mention the opening was tonight.” Addie stopped in her tracks, halting Sienna as well. Sienna looked up, her button nose crinkled in annoyance.

“Why the hell not?” Addie asked, enunciating every syllable.

“No more excuses or second chances. I’ve allowed myself to get lost. It’s time for me to find Sienna Taylor again.” Sienna tugged her arm free, and walked right out of the gallery. Addie watched her go, then turned to the wall where they’d been standing. The inscribed plate under the framed drawing read Sienna Taylor.



“Sienna, babe, I’m home. Where are you?” Logan’s raspy voice echoed throughout the modern apartment, and he gnawed on his cheek, his eyes adjusting to the dark. It was nearly eleven.

He walked into the bathroom, but there was no sign of his dark haired beauty. As he entered the bedroom, his keys slipped from the palm of his callused hand. It wasn’t because he didn’t see Sienna anywhere. As his eyes searched the topaz walls, he realized things were missing. The clothes usually scattered across the forest comforter and caramel carpeting were gone.

His heart pounded against his chest as he ran to the closet. All of Sienna’s clothes and shoes were gone. Her watercolors that usually adorned the walls weren’t there. None of her knickknacks or earrings were scattered across the pine dresser. Anyone who saw the room would have no clue that she once inhabited it. Panic flooded his mind, and he felt his feet carrying him quickly away.

He raced downtown, to where the crowded, Gothic building stood. A string of profanities streamed through his brain as he realized what tonight had been. No wonder Sienna was pissed. How had he been so stupid?

Reporters and the ever-present paparazzi vied for his attention, but all he focused on was going through the doors. He prayed Sienna would be there, holding a cocktail and all dolled up. She’d be enraged, no doubt, but if she were there, he could handle it. His russet eyes scanned the large room, but couldn’t find his love anywhere. He did see someone, though, that could be of help.

“Addie, have you seen Si?” he asked, breathless. The blond turned to him, her eyes radiating disapproval. Her thin arms were crossed, and her lips pursed. He stumbled back a few feet involuntarily.

“Actually I have,” she snapped, turning to walk away.

“Wait, Addie. Where is she?”

“You know, you have some nerve showing up here, after the hell you put her through. You selfish ass.”

“Where is she?”

“She left awhile ago. I don’t know where she went after that.” Logan hung his head and felt his eyes welling with salty tears, a feeling of desperation eating him inside. “But there’s something you should see.”

His head shot up at her harsh tone. She started walking, then looked over her shoulder impatiently, beckoning for him to follow. He nearly tripped over his own feet as he scrambled to catch up. When Addie came to a sudden stop, he bumped into her. She glared, and he averted his eyes to the wall before them.

His mouth fell open as he looked at the black and white sketch hanging on the maroon walls. A silver frame surrounded it, and in the protective glass he saw the tears cascading down his flushed cheeks; his own reflection cast back at him. It was Sienna’s picture; he didn’t need to see the silver tag to know that. The more shocking part, though, was that the drawing was of him. Everything from the dimple in his cheek to the glimmer in his eye, or the part of his hair that always stuck up embodied him perfectly.

“I had no idea,” he murmured, looking to Addie, who had already stalked off. He hadn’t even heard the clicking of her shining heels. He looked closer, and saw a piece of paper sticking out from behind the corner of the frame. He tugged on it, and a piece of folded loose leaf fluttered into his hand. His name was written on it in her loopy writing. He opened it carefully, as if it would suddenly turn to ashes.

Dear Logan,

If you’re reading this, I’m long gone. I don’t really know what to say, other than why. Why I continued to give and all you did was let me. I sacrificed everything to be with you, but it wasn’t enough. It wouldn’t have been so bad, if you had given in return.

You missed my last five exhibits. You missed the nights I spent crying alone. It’s not that I was crying that bothers me. It’s that you should’ve been there, telling me it was going to be okay. Love, it means something to me. I told you I loved you, and I meant it with every fiber in my being.

I gave you my heart. I walked red carpets with you, even though it terrified me. Even though it made me a target for those creeper shutterbugs. Even though it meant there were millions of blogs on the Internet, dedicated to how much your fans hated me. I gave you everything, then faded away as I watched you leave so often and so easily.

You said you loved me. You swore you’d always be there for me. Well, where the hell were you tonight? I told you this meant something to me, and you promised you’d be there. I guess it shows how little your promises mean, huh? You let me down, more than just once.

I’m done letting my heart crack a little more every time you forget. I’m done wearing that stupid plastic smile on my face for your public image. I’m done praying to God that you hear me when I’m talking about what matters to me. I’m done with this and Logan, I’m done with you. I guess this was never meant to be after all.

-Sienna