In My Arms

It had been three days since my sister was murdered, but it felt like it was just hours ago. Most of the time I just stayed in my room. The only time I would come out was to use the bathroom. Food was not even important to me anymore. All I wanted to do was be alone. But no one seemed to understand that.
As if on cue I heard a knock at my door.
“Hey Kasey, can I come in?” I heard someone ask from outside my door.
“Sure.” I said. Since I was laying on my bed I turned over so that whoever walked in wouldn’t be able to see my face.
“The guys and I were gonna watch a movie, why don’t join you us?” Matt asked. I shook my head.
“I’m fine.” I said.
“Ok. Well are you hungry? I can make you something to eat.” He said.
“No thanks,” I said softly.
“Kasey you haven’t eaten anything all day.” He sighed.
“I’m fine, really.” I sniffled.
“Ok. Well if you need to talk, you know where to find me.” He sighed and started walking away.
“I love you Kasey.” He said before shutting my door. As soon as I heard footsteps walk away I let out a shaky breath. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t stop myself from crying. A couple hours passed by and that’s where I stayed. I didn’t make a single move. I didn’t want to. It just hurt too much. But finally around seven in the evening I felt the need to go to the bathroom so I grudgingly got up.
After I did my business I washed my hands. When I looked up in the mirror I was startled by my reflection. My eyes were red, and I had dark circles under my eyes from the lack of sleep. I remembered how much I looked like my sister and started to cry again. My vision got blurry quickly so I sat down on the closed toilet and continued to cry.
“You ok Kasey?” I heard Brian ask from outside my bathroom door.
“Yeah, I’m good.” I said trying to wipe away my tears.
“Dinner’s ready.” He said.
“No thanks.” I sniffled.
“Alright look Kasey, I understand that things are really hard for you right now, but I’m not about to just stand by and watch you destroy yourself. Be down stairs for dinner in five minutes or I’ll come back and take you down there myself.” He said. He sounded like he was trying to act all stern and tough but all I could do was scoff. As soon as he walked away I stood up and opened my medicine cabinet. I pulled out some eye drops and foundation. The eye drops helped make my eye balls a little less red and the foundation helped cover up the redness from my face and the dark circles. Once I was done I walked down stairs and into the dining room. Everyone was already seated so I just took the last seat between Matt and Brian.
As everyone dug into their food all I could do was push my food around with my fork. I took a few bites but that was all my stomach could handle. Dinner was quiet until Matt decided to break the silence.
“Sarah’s funeral is this Saturday at noon.” He said. I nodded my head and realized that it was only two days away.
“So if there’s anything you want to say, just think about it.” He said. I didn’t even bother to look up from my food, afraid I might cry.
“Ok.” I said shortly.
“My moms old pastor will be leading it, he’s a great guy.” He said.
“Can we just please not talk about this?” I snapped as I shot my head up. He looked taken back but shut up none the less.
“Sorry.” He said.
“Can I just go to my room?” I asked.
“You’ve barely even taken two bites.” Zacky said.
“I’m not hungry.” I said.
“Well the last thing you ate was was piece of bread yesterday afternoon.” Jimmy said.
“You can’t keep doing this to yourself. You know this isn’t what Sarah would want you to be doing.” Matt said.
“Stop it! Stop using her as a way to get to me! Just stop!” I said as my voice broke. Having enough I stood up from my chair and walked out of the room and up to my bedroom, making sure to slam the door.
Why couldn’t they just leave me alone. That’s all I wanted.
Matt’s P.O.V.
I sighed as she walked away. I just didn’t know how to get through to her. She didn’t want to talk or eat. She just stayed in her room all day long. Although she didn’t actually tell us she had been crying or we didn’t see her crying, everyone knew she had. It didn’t matter how much makeup she put on, nothing could hide the brokeness in her eyes.
“What do we do?” Brian asked.
“I’m gonna try to talk to her.” I said standing up. When I got to her door I stood outside for a couple seconds. I could hear her crying. From the sound of it, she was crying really hard. She stopped for a few seconds and then began again. What frightned me was the muffled scream I heard. Quietly I walked into her room and shut the door behind me.
“I know this is really hard for you. But I can’t help you unless you talk to me. I need you to talk to me.” I said sitting down on her bed.
“Im sorry I just don’t want to.” She said as her voice broke.
“Ok. Can I least get you anything?” I asked hopeful. Finaly she turned over so I could see her.
“Can I get some Advil. My head hurts a lot.” She said looking at me. I nodded my head and went to the kitchen and got two. I also took a bottle of water with me and gave her the pills.
“Thanks.” She said softly.
“Get some sleep.” I told her and then kissed her forehead. She nodded her head and laid back dwn. As I was leaving I stopped at the door.
“I love you Kasey.” I said.
“I love you too.” She whispered.