Insecure

Three days later on Christmas Eve, Dustyn awoke in Zacky’s arms like she did most mornings unless he and the band were away on tour. She smiled softly and licked over her lips. She really had to pee, but there was no way she was going to wake up Zacky and force him to let go of her just so she could get up for two minutes to relieve herself. He was just too adorable when he slept to do that. Plus, she knew he could be a big ol’ baby with a soured temper all day if he didn’t get enough sleep, and Dustyn was sure that it couldn’t have been later than seven a clock. They hadn’t fallen asleep until around three in the morning the night before. The two of them were just too busy goofing around. There was no sex and there was no foreplay. All they did was cuddle and talk, which was something they did a little too often. They just couldn’t help it though. Dustyn and Zacky were convinced that their late night talks and cuddles are what kept their relationship from souring and going bad, and if that’s what kept things smooth between them then it seemed more than worth it.

Deciding to ignore her bladder, Dustyn closed her eyes to try and get some more sleep. She knew she needed it, especially since she never usually got a lot of sleep. She could fall asleep around four in the morning and still be up by seven for work. Of course she spent the entire day regretting the fact that she did that, but with enough caffeine, it was possible.

Zacky worried about her a lot when she didn’t get enough sleep, but she was stubborn. When Dustyn put her mind to something, she did it, whether she had little to no sleep or not. That’s how dedicated she happened to be, which was a really good trait for her to have.

A little over two hours later, Dustyn blinked open her eyes and yawned. Reaching up to rub her eyes, she stopped mid-air and stared into Zacky’s bright green eyes. He smiled softly at her and pushed some of her hair out of her face. Dustyn licked over her bottom lip and lied there in silence, watching Zacky’s every move. He stroked her cheek with his thumb for a moment before she reached up and clasped his hand in hers.

“How long have you been awake?” She murmured.

“Not long,” He replied.

Dustyn sighed out tiredly, “I bet you anything it’s not even past ten.”

“Oh yeah,” He smirked, “And what happens when it is?”

“Nothing,” She laughed, “I didn’t actually mean it.”

“Well what if I want to take on that bet?” He questioned, raising an eyebrow at her.

Dustyn rolled her eyes but decided to go along with it, “Yeah? And what are we gonna bet against each other?”

“Anything we want,” He said.

“Alright, fine. If It it’s not past ten already, I get to take a shower first,” She said, smiling, hoping that she won.

Zacky was always the one to take a shower first before her if they weren’t showering together, which meant that more than likely all the hot water was going to used up, and when she would go to take her shower, the water would be luke warm to cold. She hated that, and for once she wanted a nice hot shower before he could use up all the hot water.

“Fine,” He agreed, “But if I win, you won’t be leaving this bed for the next few hours.”

Dustyn allowed a small laugh to fall from her lips, “Is that all you can think about? Sex? I mean, come on, Zee.”

“You think about it too,” He murmured as he moved and hovered over her, “You think about my dick and how you love it when I pound into you,” He whispered in her ear in a teasing manner before his lips attached to the side of her neck.

Dustyn’s lips parted by surprise as she allowed her eyes to flutter close, “Zacky,” She groaned out.

Zacky and Dustyn ended up spending several long hours in bed, ignoring the outside world, and neither one of them found out what time it really happened to be either. They were too distracted by each other and their passion to be with one another to care. As far as the two were concerned, they had both won the bet. Dustyn ended up getting her long hot shower, and Zacky ended up keeping her in bed for longer than either of them was used to. Overall, it was nice morning to start out the day with for both.

-x-

Later that day, Dustyn found herself sitting on the cold, uncomfortable bathroom floor as she rested her forehead against the clean toilet seat, while Zacky was kneeling down behind her, rubbing her back soothingly. He was worried about her, not sure what was wrong. Dustyn, however, knew exactly what was wrong. She and Zacky had taken it upon themselves to go out for a nice early dinner, and she got a little carried away and ate a little too much, which had made her sick.

Truth be told, her stomach was really small, and definitely wasn’t used to holding that much food. She wasn’t sure what had gotten into her and why she ate so much, but she figured it was because she and Zacky hadn’t really eaten all day. They skipped breakfast to have sex, and then didn’t eat lunch because they had to do some last minute Christmas shopping that just couldn’t wait, so at dinner she happened to forget all about her body and how small her stomach was because of how she had been treating her body, and that resulted into getting sick.

“Are you sure you’re okay, baby?” Zacky asked softly.

She sighed, feeling tired, “I’m fine, Zee,” She murmured, not bothering to move from where she was.

It didn’t matter if she was uncomfortable from where she was sitting, she literally didn’t feel like she had the strength to stand up on her own, which wasn’t good. She knew in order to feel any better she would need to eat a very small meal that was around the size of her fist, because at that point, nothing was in her stomach and that was making the fact that she was sick, worse.

“You don’t think you’re, you know…pregnant, do you?” He questioned, feeling a lump in his throat appear all of the sudden.

Zacky couldn’t imagine having kids just yet. Although he definitely wanted them someday soon with Dustyn, now wasn’t the best time. They really wanted to enjoy being married for a year or so before taking that next, very large step.

Dustyn shook her head, “Don’t be ridiculous. You know I’m not. I just had my period last week.”

“Right,” He breathes out in relief.

Dustyn sat there for a few more minutes before finally getting up off the floor once she was confident she could stand on her own. Zacky was making her go to their room to sleep for the rest of night, and Dustyn wasn’t about to protest either. She knew that was probably the best thing she could do. She only hoped that she felt a lot better the next morning since it was Christmas.

“Do you need anything?” Zacky asked her as he helped her lie down on their bed.

“No,” She mumbled, “Can you lay with me though, just for a few minutes?”

“Of course,” He nodded.

Zacky climbed onto the bed and lied down next to her, wrapping his arm her shoulder. He hoped she wasn’t coming down with the flu or anything, considering with Christmas tomorrow and New Years just a few days away. He knew how much Dustyn loved Christmas Holiday since everyone gets together and eats a huge feast, while just having a lot of fun, and he knew she would be bummed if she couldn’t be apart of that this year. Little did he know that Dustyn wasn’t coming down with the flu.

“I’m sure you’ll feel better tomorrow,” Zacky said as he stroked her soft hair soothingly.

She frowned, “I hope so.”

“Just go to sleep, baby. You need the rest.” His lips brushed across her forehead.

“Love you,” Dustyn mumbled as she closed her eyes.

“I love you too, baby.”

Zacky stayed with Dustyn for a little over an hour as she slept before finally getting up and going downstairs. It was just past eight a clock, so Zacky grabbed himself a beer and plopped down on the couch to see what was on television. He contemplated calling up one of the guys but decided against it, knowing he should probably stay home for night and keep an eye on Dustyn. To say he worried about her would be an understatement. He wasn’t blind, he could clearly see that something wasn’t right with Dustyn anymore, and hadn’t been in quite of years. He and everybody else thought that she was better and that everything was okay, but she’s only gotten worse.

A year ago today on Christmas Eve, Dustyn had found out she was seven weeks pregnant. Although her and Zacky most certainly don’t want children yet, the couple was very excited when they found out about the pregnancy. However, just days later, before she could even schedule a second doctor’s appointment, Dustyn had miscarried. What made it worse was that she had miscarried because she had been starving herself.

Dustyn had grown up with low self-esteem. She had a bit of weight on her during her high school years, and felt that she wasn’t pretty by any means. Even though her family and friends tried to remind her that she was, she never believed them.

Her junior year of high school is when everything fell apart for her. She suffered something very traumatic and had no idea how to feel normal again or how to get better, so she started starving herself. Although she has gotten past what happened and is very healthy these days, she still finds herself battling back in forth with her eating disorder. She can go months to being just fine and happy, and then she’ll crash and go right back to her old ways.

Zacky, her family, and the Avenged family has done their absolute best at helping her and keeping an eye on her, but if Dustyn truly wants to recover, she’ll have to work on that herself. Zacky just prayed that if she was starving herself again, she would tell him or he would notice, that way he could get her help once again.