Clockwork

My mother buttons up Ferdie’s coat with tears in her eyes, whispering little words of encouragement and planting little kisses on his wet cheeks. I simply watch the train idling at the platform, steam rising up to the golden glass ceiling of the station. I grip two worn leather suitcases in my hands –Ferdie’s and mine- and mouth the words I want to say over and over so I can make sure I won’t cry. Crying is weakness and we don’t need any more of that.

“Nan, take care him for me. Please.” Mother is looking hard at me, deciding if she should be firm or treat me as through I am as young as Ferdinand.

I nod sternly and Mother kisses my cheek. We both look at each other for a while longer and then I say those rehearsed lines, “I love you. Please be safe. For Ferdie… for me.”

Mother’s mouth falls into a deep frown as she lets out a cry, muffled by her handkerchief. She holds me tightly, her shoulders shuddering. “Only if you do the same, my sweet, sweet girl,” she whispers and then steps away, gripping my arms and looking at me in a way she hasn’t in years. “Look how you’ve grown… You’re so beautiful, Nan.”

I let the edges of lips curve up into a ghost of a smile.

The train blares the low whistle, signifying we should be going.

Mother embraces Ferdie and me one last time, and then I give Ferdie his suitcase and grab onto his hand. “Come on now. Can’t keep the train waiting,” I tell him.

We weave through the terminal, Ferdie scampering beside me and looking back frequently to make sure Mother hasn’t disappeared. Once we reach the conductor, a tall, clean-shaven man with pitch black hair, he tells us to go straight to the dining cart. We follow his orders, clambering inside the train and dragging our luggage to the nearest empty booth.

Kids with hollow eyes are all around, staring out the windows. Their fingers cling to little cups of hot chocolate and whatever stuffed toys or mementos that are what they have left of life in The Country.

They all must be leaving, like us. Though I doubt any of them know why. The New Civil War is coming and the barbarians from Northern Topia are going to be marching into The Country first, so most of the fighting will take place in our homes. It’s not safe for children or anyone for that matter, but the kids are being evacuated first if they have somewhere to go (I heard there are schools and camps being set up for displaced children), possibly followed by their parents if the war doesn’t end soon.

Ferdie and I are headed for The Hollow, which is where the largest airbase in Topia is located. We will be staying with our uncle, Cecil, whom neither of us has ever met. He is an airman, something equal to a general I think.

“Mother!” Ferdie cries and places his palm on our window.

Mother is right next to the train, her own palm on the other side of the glass, smiling.

Ferdie grins and wriggles closer to the window, standing on his knees. I smile slightly and play with the end of my dark red braid.

Mother yells something unintelligible at us and Ferdie shakes his head at her and points to his ear.

Mother is about to yell again but the train sounds once more and slowly starts to heave forward. Mother steps back a few paces and mouths, ‘I love you’.

I mouth it back and Ferdie breathes on the glass and draws a heart in the fog. And as the fog dissipates, Mother disappears too. And the train goes faster and faster until outside the windows are just dark blurs.

I look at Ferdie and Ferdie looks back at me with his big brown eyes. I motion for him to come over to my side of the booth, and he does. He curls up into a little ball beside me, his head on my lap. I put my arm over him and we both watch as the landscape flies past, dreaming of what life with Uncle Cecil in The Hollow will bring us.