Descending Angel

I shook my head for what had to be the thousandth time, groaning and tossing in my bed yet again. Somehow, even though I knew I shouldn't be thinking about it and just let it go, I'd formulated a plan. That devil guy said that I needed to save Gerard to be able to die. We exchange lives, basically, mine for his. I die in his place. If I could find someone to die in my place, will both me and Gerard live? Could I even live with myself after what I'd already done in the short time that I've been in Eric's body? Coming between Gerard and Bob, and consequently Gerard and Mikey if they ever found out, cheating on Lauren and fooling Eric's mom and friends into thinking that he had amnesia. How could I go on knowing all the destruction that was my fault?

"Eric?" Frank squinted at me as he flicked on the table lamp beside his bed. He sat up in his bed and rubbed at his eyes cutely for a minute.

"Did I wake you up?"

"...Yeah, you were rolling around too much. What's up? Can't you sleep?" he asked, swinging his legs around to the side of the bed. When I shook my head he pushed himself to his feet and walked over to my bed. I scooted over so he could jump into bed next to me. I pulled him into a hug and just barely resisted crying on his shoulder. I didn't want to make him uncomfortable on top of waking him up when he had to get up early the next morning.

"Well, what's wrong, kid?"

I smirked. "Kid? Aren't we the same age?"

"Hell no! I am three minutes older, biyatch. Thus, I am the elder and I have complete control over everything in the world. I'm like the fucking pope."

I smiled at him and a thought went through my head. "What religion are we?" Obviously before I wasn't a religious freak, if I killed myself, but it wouldn't bother me if Frankie and his mom were.

"We are the bestest religion."

"...Ieroism?"

"Well, Catholic, actually, but since I'm the pope, we can call it that. Okay, we are Ieroists, and we actually go to church every once in a while when something catastrophic doesn't happen. Like, for instance, if one of us gets amnesia."

I nodded and chewed on my lip, waiting for him to say something else because I didn't know what to say at this point. Frank leaned in, a sly smile on his face, and motioned for me to do the same.

"Hey, lemme tell you something. But if I tell you this, you have to swear that you won't mention it to anyone else, right? Cause it's kind of embarrassing. Not for me, but for...well, Bob."

"I won't tell, cross my heart and...er, something about a needle, I can't remember. It was in that Mary Kate and Ashley movie about witches, you know. Oh, and something about my bottom too, but I doubt it was 'stick a needle in my bottom', because that would be painful."

"Whatever, you weirdo. Um, well, Bob kinda likes me. Like, you know when Gerard was over here staying with you yesterday?"

"Yeah," I reply.

"Yeah, well Bob showed up at my school that morning before I had class, and he just...told me he liked me." Frank scratched the back of his head bashfully, smiling a little.

I gasped. "Do you like Bob? Wait, are you even gay? Is everyone gay now? Are there no straight people left in the world?"

He swallowed and looked past me to the wall with my posters on it. "I don't know. He's with Gerard. But he was pretty friggin cute, standing there awkwardly and telling me all of this. He told me I had pretty eyes. And, he told me that ever since you got amnesia and started being really nice to him, he felt like he could hang out with me more too, and...gah, I don't even know. I don't know. This sucks." He ended his string of awkward words with a little shrug and leaned over to lay his head on my shoulder.

I almost told him all about my own dilemma, about Gerard, Mikey, and Lauren, but I was afraid of how he would take it. He hadn't actually done anything, but I'd made out with two of his friends, and that wasn't good. He could get mad and not want to talk to me ever again and then it wouldn't matter if I could have Gerard, I still wouldn't want to live.

"Hey, what do I do? I love Gerard too much to hurt him, but Bob...well, he's really sweet, and I don't get that very often. This is making my head hurt."

"Er..." What the hell! How does life work out like this? I can have Gerard if Bob wants Frank. "Tell Bob how you feel."

Oooh, but what about Mikey? He's a cutie-butt, as I have said before, and he's not a cheater. Gerard, no matter how pretty he is, cheated on Bob, and that's not cool. Bob deserves better than that---wait, I'm a cheater too. So maybe we deserve each other.

"Okay. Thanks. And now, maybe there's something else you can help me with."

"Sure thing, Frankie."

"Can you please tell me why everyone thinks that I made out with Mikey behind the bleachers today?"

Oh god.

"Um..."

"Because I know it wasn't me." He was smirking now, leaning close again. "But it might have been someone who looks just like me, right? And I can only think of one person who looks like me--"

"The pope?" I asked timidly, shrinking back into the wall. He shook his head.

"Eric, I'm pretty sure there's something you're not telling me."

"I can't! You'll hate me and I don't want you to hate me cause you're all I have!"

His smirk went away and he sighed, opening his arms so he could hug me.

"I'm not going to hate you, Eric."

"Are. You'll think I'm horrible. I am horrible! You don't even know, you can't imagine! I think I've done something bad to everyone I know so far, and I didn't even really mean to, but I didn't know how to stop it and I didn't want to stop it and that's the worst part!" I wailed, tears forming in my eyes. Frank started to rock us both back and forth on the bed, quietly shushing me.

"No I won't. You're my brother, and I'll always love you. No matter who you kiss, or what you do."

"I kissed Mikey and Gerard," I blurted out. He blinked.

"Both of them?"

I sniffed and looked away miserably, absently wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. Out in the open, it sounded even worse. Both of the Ways.