Let The Walls Break Down

I didn't tell John what happened. I didn't want him to go all protective on me and beat him up, which would ultimately make this the worst tour ever. I just wonder what happened between Rian and Kara.

--Rian--

I rubbed my face where Holly just slapped me and it kind of stung. She ran away and seconds later, Kara came around the corner.

"Were you telling the truth?" she asked me.

I hesitated answering her. "No. I'm just trying to make her feel better." What she doesn't know won't hurt her.

She nodded, but I could tell she didn't believe me, and she sat down next to me. "Rian, if you want to break up, just tell me, I'll go peacefully."

"No, I don't want to break up. I love you."

"But you love her more," she didn't think twice about saying it. After realizing that I wasn't going to agree or deny with her, she continued. "Well, if you still want to stay together, we can. I'm not totally angry with you. We'll just get through this tour. It's almost over anyways." She seemed like she thought this over a few times.

"Kara, I want to stay with you."

"Why? I'm not her. You've made it very clear that you want to be with her."

"I would, but I have something better sitting right beside me." I gave her a hug. I didn't mean to sound like an asshole, but I can't be with Holly because she has John.

--Holly--

During The Maine's set, I got a call from Maria while I was at the merch table. I could barely hear her, so I asked Kirkendall (some crew guy from All Time Low) to watch the stuff while I went outside to listen to her.

"Um, don't tell Jack, but I think I missed my period. I'm really scared, Holly. I wish you were here with me right now." She sounded frantic.

"Have you taken a test? Gone to the doctor?"

"Uh, no. But I will. I'm driving to the store right now. I'm so...ugh I don't even have words right now."

"Calm down, you might just be overreacting. Maybe it's just late."

"Nine months late!" She screamed and I heard a car honk on the other end of the line. I wanted to laugh, but she wouldn't appreciate that. "Just talk about something else. Please."

"Uh...Rian kissed me today. I slapped him. I think Kara saw the whole thing."

"Oh my God! How devastating for her! Is she mad at you? Has she said anything?"

"No. Well, I don't know if she's mad or not. I think she was talking to Rian for a while backstage while I was hiding slash setting up my merch table. Well, I have to go, I'm sure Kirkendall's being flooded." I paused. "I'll be home soon, Maria." It sounded like a promise instead of a fact.

After The Maine's set, Kirkendall had so much fun that he wanted to sell all night, so me and The Maine went next door to bowl.

"You guys suck, you're good at everything," I said, looking at the final scores. Although I bowled a 116, I was in last place. Kenny won with a 189, John with 172, Gare with 169, Pat with 165, and Jared with 151. I felt incapable of anything.

"Don't worry, we still love you," Gare said and took a sip of his sprite. John put his arm around me and we wandered back to the venue to the end of All Time Low's set. And of course, they ended with Dear Maria, like every other night. Then I rememberd Maria and she might be pregnant. I didn't even know he was around enough for that to happen. At the end of the night, after everything was packed up, we loaded into the van and I saw a reassuring text from Maria.

'Negative! Took 3 tests and scheduled doctor's appointment just in case.'

I felt better and snuggled into John. "What?" he asked, smiling.

"Nothing. I just feel better than I did before." He kissed me right above my eyebrow and rested his head on mine. "I love you."

"I love you, too," he said and a few minutes later, we were asleep.

-November 29, 2008-

We were done with the final show in Philadelphia and started our journey to Milwaukee. It was a 14 hour drive, better than the three day drive back to Tempe. I hadn't seen Maria since the end of the last tour during the summer because I've been in Arizona. I missed her. All Time Low's bus went back to Baltimore, but they'd arrive about 5 hours after us once we got to my house. This time Rian and Kara were coming.
Kara didn't hang out with me anymore without Lisa or different people being around. She knows it wasn't my fault, what had happened between Rian and I, but I don't blame her. And she wouldn't let Rian go off without her or someone else, maybe because he might come find me. That makes sense...?
Anyways, my parents are throwing me a party. Again. Because this time they think I'm going to stay. And I am. And I think John realized that. He was holding me constantly, never taking me out of his sight. He didn't want to leave without me.
At 2 o'clock, we were in front of my house and I practically ran to the front door. My mom was just inside the door and didn't let me go for three minutes. Meanwhile, John shook my dad's hand and Gare and Pat gave him bro-hugs. Four seconds after I walked in the door, Maria arrived and it turned into a group hug between her, my mom and I.

"What time will everyone else be here? Seven?" My mom asked and let me go, straightening up my shirt (John's shirt). "That's a nice shirt, where'd you get that?"

I glanced at John and he let out an adorable laugh. "A mall in Indiana." I just made up a random place. "And yes, they'll be here at around seven."

While waiting for All Time Low band and crew (actually I don't know if the crew was coming, it was just fun to say), I made everyone load in my dad's 7-passenger SUV and we went downtown to go see the Fonzie statue.

-Somewhere around 7-

We had been back at my house for a while and were lounging/napping on the couches when a loud commotion came in the front door. No one ever bothered to knock or ring the doorbell anymore. Zack was the first to come in and he was pre-eating and he waltzed over to me and mauled me. John was so exhausted he didn't even care. I felt more pressure beating down on me and concluded Alex and Jack got on top of Zack. I could see through a little opening Rian standing there awkwardly with his hands in his pockets. Kara wasn't in tow. My mom walked into the room and told them to get off of me, but I had fallen asleep. I know this because the next thing I know, I'm being thrown in my heated pool.

"Are you kidding me?! I could have drown!" I yelled at them. Zack peeled off his shirt and jumped in right beside me and started dunking my head under water. I wondered what my life would have been like if I did settle for Zack that first time I saw them. And then my questions are answered by this. Jack jumped in on the other side of me, followed by Alex, Maria, John, Jared, Pat, Garrett and Kennedy. Rian stayed inside. I swam over to John and put my arms around him.

"You know, I never thought I'd be swimming in Wisconsin in November."

"Swimming's not the bad part. Getting out's what you have to worry about."

He hung his head like he should have thought of that before he did it. I fixed his hair because it was going all over his face and he kissed me softly. "I love you," he whispered as he started kissing my neck and below my ear. "I don't want to leave you. Do you want to move in with me?"

I pulled away from him. "Really? Are you sure you want me to?"

He nodded. "It's not like I haven't lived with you before. We practically lived together on tour. Both times. Now I just don't know how to live without you."

I smiled. "You're so corny." I kissed his nose. "But so cute. Well, I guess we have to talk to madre and padre. You know my answer."

We ran inside and got into dry clothes and sat at the dining table with my parents.

"So what is it this time?" my dad asked.

"John asked if I can live with him," I said.

They didn't speak. My dad kept looking at John, making him nervous, while my mom finally built up words. "Why do you want to leave home? Not that I don't like you, John, but are you sure you want to live with him?"

"Of course. We basically lived together on tour. We're not going to get an apartment or anything yet, just live at his parents' house."

"Are you going to pay rent? Are your parents okay with this, John?"

"Yeah, they're fine with it. They love Holly." He looked down at me and smiled. "And I do too. And if my parents make us pay rent, we'll make it work."

My mom finally smiled, but tension didn't leave. "Mom, I'm not getting married, just moving in with my boyfriend. And if living together works, we'll think about getting married. But if it doesn't, it'll be easier coming home than if I was."

Comparing moving in with somebody to getting married put it in perspective for them. They'd rather me make the mistake of moving in with him and coming home before making the mistake of marrying him. I don't know why, but they really didn't like John when it came to things like this. Otherwise they love him. I finally squeezed an okay out of them and we went upstairs to my room. He had on white basketball shorts and a green v-neck and layed down and propped his head up with his arm.

"I can't believe I'm moving in with you. It's gonna be so fun!" I said and he used both arms to pull me as close to him as possible and started kissing my neck. I don't know why, but I let out a rather loud moan. "Oh shit! I hope no one heard that."

"It's nothing to be ashamed of," he said and put his body on mine. Five minutes passed and John's shirt was off and his hand was inside my shirt and he ran it over my belly and I shivered.

"John, not here. Not with my parents down the hall."

"Oh alright, party pooper." He plopped down on the pillow and I rolled over to put my stomach against his back and had my arm draped over him. "Holly O'Callaghan," he mumbled.

I became suddenly alert. "What?!"

"Nothing... You were just talking about getting married earlier and now I'm starting to think about it."

"Seriously? And just when I thought you couldn't get any cuter. But really? Do you want to?"

"Yeah. I mean, not right now of course, but after we've lived together a while."

I rolled him over and sat on him and kissed him. "Okay, I changed my mind," I said as I lifted my shirt over my head.

-The Next Morning-

I woke up early, but John was still VERY tired so I went downstairs to get some breakfast. I guess this time, All Time Low stayed at my house except for Jack because Alex and Zack were in my living room cuddling each other, probably not even knowing it. Rian was in the kitchen by himself.

"Good morning, Holly."

I still didn't know if I wanted to talk to him after he kissed me. But I made up my mind quickly. "Good morning, Rian," I said as coldly as possible.

"Are you mad?"

"You know, you ask me that a lot," I said, not even attempting to hide the annoyance in my voice, as I slammed the milk carton on the counter. "And this time, yes. I am. What you did was terrible. I did not ask for you to kiss me and I did not ask you to break up with Kara."

"I didn't break up with Kara. She's with her parents. She didn't want to come see you anymore than she had to. She didn't even want me to come."

"Then why did you? I didn't ask you to come either."

"I had to set everything straight. I don't like it when you're pissed at me."

"Well you seem to be really good at making me pissed at you. The day you kissed me, I thought we were going to turn things around and be civil with each other, but no. You couldn't even do that."

--Jared--

I heard yelling in the kitchen so I went down to check it out before anything got out of hand.
Alex and Zack must be heavy sleepers because they were still sleeping as this yelling escalated. "The day you kissed me, I thought we were going to turn things around and be civil with each other, but no. You couldn't even do that." It sounded like Holly was really mad at John for kissing her... I don't know why she would be; everything was fine yesterday.

"Holly, I'm in love with you. And I know you're in love with me too." I peeked around the corner and was surprised to find that it wasn't John she was yelling at. It was Rian.

I turned around quickly and went to go find John and tell him what was happening so he could help out.

"Dude, I'm exhausted. This better be important," he said as he sat up.

"Holly and Rian are going at it in the kitchen. I think they kissed."

--Holly--

"Get out, Rian. Go sleep in your fucking car; I don't care. But you are not welcome in this house anymore."

I ran out of the kitchen before he could and John caught my shoulders in his hands. I tried my best to wrap my arms around him to embrace him in a hug, but if anything, his grip got tighter and was pushing me farther away.

"What's going on here?" he asked, searching my eyes for an answer. Normally I'd see love reflected in his eyes, but all I saw was hurt.