Let The Walls Break Down

Tears were streaming down my face and I looked at him like I didn't know what he was thinking. "What were you told?" I shot Jared a blaming look.

"Please, just tell me what's going on," he loosened his grip a little.

"I'm so sorry, John. I should have told you sooner."

"Holly! Please!"

I took him upstairs and he sat on my bed while I sat at my computer chair. "It started a couple of weeks ago. That day I came up to you at the Houston show and I was crying, actually. Well, Rian and I were talking in one of the back lounges and he started apologizing about everything he'd put me through and how he made me feel and I thought things were going to turn around for us and we could finally put the past behind us. But he started saying things like if you weren't around and if I didn't have you he'd just forget about Kara; basically throwing her under the bus, so to speak. Then he kissed me. I admit I got caught up in it for a brief moment before I realized what was happening and I slapped him and that's when I ran to find you. Little did he or I know, Kara was standing around the corner and heard everything."

"Is that why she's not here?" I could tell that he wasn't putting the blame on me anymore.

"She didn't come because she doesn't want to hang around me. She didn't even want Rian to come, but he had to 'set things straight,'" I said using my hands as quotations.

He didn't say anything for a moment and he looked like he was doing extravagent math in his head. "You kissed him," he said finally.

"Yes, I admit it. But technically, he kissed me. There was a split second where everything I once felt for him came back to me then I saw your face in my mind and I wondered why I ever wanted to kiss him again after he left me. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. If I lost you..."

He stood up and hugged me. I guess I stood up in the midst of my speech because I didn't have to stand up when this occured. I guess I started crying again too.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm here and I'm never going to leave you." He pulled back to look at me. "I don't know why I would want to. Because you're the best thing that's happened to me."

I kissed the side of his mouth and he lifted me up to where I could wrap my legs around him. “You’re not going to go beat up Rian are you?”

“Only if you ask me to. Don’t want to waste my time doing something that’s not worth it.”

I started kissing his cheek then worked my way down to below his jaw line to under his ear and he quietly moaned. He jerked his head up and I followed his gaze and my mom was standing in my doorway as I slowly put my feet back on the ground and straightened up my shirt.

“Is everything okay in here? I heard some commotion earlier, are you alright?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine now, Mom. Is Rian still here?”

She shrugged. “I haven’t been downstairs. I’ll check and I’ll let you know.” As she walked out, she made sure to leave the door as wide open as it would go and kind of pointed at it like she would a dog to stay.

John laughed and laid back down on the bed. “Well, I’m going back to sleep. You made me ex-haus-ted!”

I giggled and snuggled next to him and fell asleep as well.

-One Week Later-

John was helping me load my suitcases into the van that could hold no more, but we made it work. I hugged my parents good-bye and John shook my dad’s hand and gave my mom a hug. My dog Pickles (a pug) ran up to me and started jumping on my legs until I picked him up and he licked me in my face and wagged his tiny tail rapidly.

“Bye-bye Pickles!” I cooed like I would be talking to a dog.

And then we were off.

“John…we’re not making some huge mistake, are we?” I asked nervously when we were in Missouri.

“If you’re having second thoughts, just think it’s better to find out now than if we were married.”

“Stop saying the word ‘marry,’” I said and shoved him a little. “You get me all excited.” We started play fighting and Garrett and Jared turned around and watched us. I noticed them and stopped. “This ain’t no sitcom! What you lookin’ at?”

“Stop having sex in the back seat!” Kenny yelled from the driver’s seat.

“Never!” John yelled back. He threw himself on top of me and of course we started making out. “I love you,” he said softly, then turned his head up to see Garrett watching blissfully. “Ew Garrett! You’re such a perv stop watching us!”

“Are they really having sex back there?” Kenny asked.

“Yeah,” Jared said. He has a way of spreading the wrong rumors.

We stopped somewhere outside of Wichita to put Jared in the driver’s seat and to get munchies at 11 o’clock at night.

“Isn’t it weird that we’re going to live with your parents?” I asked, grabbing some trail mix and Fritos.

“Yeah, but they’re cool. And besides, I’m saving up to get my own place, and if you want, you can live there.”

“Ew, why the hell would I want to live with you?” I smiled and picked out a Rock Star.

“Don’t tell me you’re a Rock Star person,” he said and picked out a Monster.

“I am definitely a Rock Star person.”

He took a deep breath. “It’s okay…I still love you,” he said, wrapping his arm around me and starting to walk towards the register.

-Christmas-

We were chillin’ at John’s house for a good part of the morning and we ate a hefty brunch with his parents and Ross. I’m pretty sure he had another brother, but there was nothing said about him. Either he was shunned or I was completely wrong. Ross was very attractive, but compared to John got the worse genes. I remembered why I had crushes on them when I was childish. Childish with great taste, I was. There must be something in the water in Arizona that didn’t flow into Jared’s house. Oh, my gosh Holly. That was rude. We got in John’s black BMW and drove to Pat’s house where lunch would be served, then we’d go to one of John’s friend’s for eggnog (and by the way, I hate eggnog), stopping off at Kenny’s for dinner and ending at Garrett’s for dessert. Kind of a progressive meal, I guess you would say. We arrived at Pat’s in our semi-formal attire (we were both wearing skinny jeans, he was wearing a tux jacket and a white v-neck, I was wearing a shiny tank top blouse with a gray wool coat) and Lisa was ready to serve lunch. After we ate, we exchanged small gifts and stories that had happened in the span of a couple of weeks we hadn’t been touring and now. At 3, we were on our way to Eric’s for eggnog. Eric was John’s best friend. I’ve come to know Eric to where he was basically my best friend too. He was in another band that was fairly new called A Rocket to the Moon with these other guys Nick, Justin and Andrew. They were pretty cool too, except Nick was so conceited. Maria came down here last week for a few days and Eric developed this mini-crush on her and demanded to speak to her when I was on the phone with her. Band members are so weird. So anyways, we arrived at Eric’s and Nick, Andrew and Justin were there and they all had Santa hats on and Eric’s mom was pouring eggnog for everyone. I just waited until John finished his and nonchalantly switched glasses with him.

“So, are you guys engaged yet?” Eric asked then licked off his eggnog mustache. I looked at him like he was insane, but he didn’t smile or laugh or anything.

“Yeah we’re getting married in July,” I said but the room stayed silent.

“We’re just so happy together,” John said and put his hand on mine.

“And we want to get it done with before the baby arrives.” Eric stood up and walked over to us.

“And why was I not asked to be the best man?”

“We were going to ask you tonight.” He got so excited then, “if anything we just said was true.”

“That wasn’t nice. Or funny,” he said and looked at Justin who was laughing hysterically for some reason. “Just go get married already,” he said and walked out of the room.

“He really wants us to get married,” John whispered to me and I nodded. “And maybe he’ll get his wish one day.” He looked away and sipped his eggnog.

“What are you saying, John?”

“Nothing… Unless you want it to be something.”

We left soon after that but didn’t stay at Kennedy’s long and then everyone met up at Garrett’s house for dessert. I made the mistake in letting John get a piece of pie for me because when he brought it back it didn’t even look like pie. It was all crumbly and ugly. Garrett’s mom walked through the room and noticed me and hugged me and kissed my cheek, then she noticed my piece of pie.

“John!” she scolded. “Why did you go and get her an ugly piece like that?”

He smiled and shrugged. “I’m not experienced in the pie cutting area.” As soon as he said this, I took a bite of the ugly pie and almost cracked my tooth.

“Oh, honey, are you okay? Did you bite your tongue?” She asked.

I spit out the rock-like object but it wasn’t rock-like. It was ring-like.

“What the devil? How’d that get in there?”

Everything that was said tonight suddenly came back to me. “John, what is this?”

“It’s a ring, Holly,” he smiled. I didn’t say anything until he explained further. “For engagement. But before you say anything, I don’t want to get married right now, but I do want to marry you. Now the question is…do you want to marry me…?”

Garrett’s mom gasped. That made everyone look at us. “So, what you’re saying is…you want to wait to get married but get engaged now?” He smiled and nodded. “And wait until we’re both for sure ready to do it?” Still smiling, he nodded again. “And what you’re asking is…if I will marry you.” He grabbed my hands in his and got on his knee.

“I am asking if you will marry me.”

I smiled, almost crying. “Then if you’re asking, I’m answering yes.” He came up to me and kissed me like no one was around, but we stopped once we both heard the applause.

His forehead was pressed against mine and he whispered, “Merry Christmas,” and kissed me again. As it turns out, we were under some mistletoe.

****

When we got back to John’s, we said goodnight to his parents and started making out as soon as his door was shut.

“I can’t believe I said I’d marry you,” I said and caressed his arm.

“I know you must be insane,” he laughed and then I started taking his shirt off gently and kissing his neck, working my way up to his cheek. We sat on the bed and I kissed him one last time before I turned around and said goodnight.

“So when’s the next tour?” I asked once I saw he was up the next morning.

He looked at me like I was mental and wiped his eyes. “Late March. And before you ask, it’ll be with Hit the Lights, 3Oh!3, A Rocket to the Moon, and Family Force 5.” I guess he saw the excitement on my face. “Who do you like now?”

“I LOVE 3Oh!3 and Family Force 5! And I get to hang out with Eric,” I said and smiled.

“I’m sorry, but he’s in love with Maria,” he said quietly.

“Oh no! This will never do!” He started tickling me for some reason and I guess I was shrieking so loud that John’s mom came in the room.

“Mom! Do you knock?”

“I’m sorry, John, but it sounded like someone was getting killed in here.” She closed the door and he looked at me, accusing me.

“I’m sorry! I’m ticklish!” I paused but he was still staring intensely at me. “I love you?”

He grabbed me and pinned me to the bed. “I love you too.”

-March 19, 2009-

It was the day before tour started and we once again gathered at Pat’s house for some type of food. This time, it was a cookout.

“Where’s your husband?” I heard from behind me. I turned around and Eric was walking towards me.

“Oh, inside. Taking care of our 12 children.”

“Thought so. So,” he paused and started smiling like crazy. “Is Maria going to go to the Milwaukee date?”

I couldn’t help but to return his smile. “I don’t know. Maybe. I’ll give her a call.”

“Can I talk to her?” He was basically climbing on me and breathing all over the place (he hates when I make fun of him for mouth-breathing).

I laughed. “I haven’t even called her. But when I do, you’ll know.” He calmed down and smiled pleasantly and gave me a hug.

“Hey, I thought I could trust you two, now how am I going to trust you during tour?” John said behind us.

“Oh no! At least he found out now, Eric. We don’t have to hide it anymore.”

“No! I love Maria!” He screamed and ran away, flailing his arms as John walked up to me and hugged me.

“She has a boyfriend!” I yelled back.

“NEVER!!!”

John and I laughed and he nuzzled his chin on my shoulder. “I wanted to be the last person that hugs you.”

“Am I going to die or something?”

“No…but if you did, I would be the last one to hold you in their arms.”

“Stop being so cheesy. Stop getting the extra cheese they offer at Olive Garden.”

He smiled and took me over to the gazebo to sit. “Do you…ever think about…Rian?”

“I haven’t thought about him since he left my house until this moment. Why do you ask?”

He shrugged. “Because if he never met Kara, you’d be with him.”

“Probably so. But I bet a million dollars, wait, a million dollars isn’t worth as much anymore…If this was 1950, I would bet a million dollars that I wouldn’t be as happy with him as I am with you right now.”

“And you call me cheesy…” He laughed his adorable laugh that I haven’t heard in a while and kissed my forehead.

I sat back, but still held on to his hand as he sat forward. “You know what, I don’t think we even need to get married. I mean, we’re already living together. Let’s just get a dog, have some kids and call it a day.”

“You want to get started on that right now?”

“Why would I want to get a dog the day before tour?” I smiled, knowing what he really meant. “And no, if we’re waiting to get married, we’re waiting even longer to have kids.”

“What would we name them?” He asked, rubbing my hand.

“Gidget and Orangello.”

“I was thinking Caroline…” He was speaking like he really thought he was in the hospital, ready to name her.

“This is not an Outkast song, John!”

He laughed adorably again. “Okay, then. How about Holden?”