Let The Walls Break Down

-April 29, 2009-

--Holly--

I rolled over in my bed to answer my new text and it was John.

‘Just finished the show…heading out of here asap…7 hours away <3’

I was still depressed that my grandmother passed away, but I was trying not to think about it. And maybe thinking of John coming back would help. Just then, my mom came in my room.

“Holly, I just want to talk to you before you go back to Arizona,” she said and sat down on the edge of my bed. To let her know I was paying attention, I sat up, but didn’t say anything. “I just want to know if you’re taking precautions to prevent…having children…in the near future.”

I turned red because I didn’t want to talk about this with my mother. But if I wasn’t adult enough to talk about this with her, I wasn’t adult enough to get married. “Yes, we’re very safe. Mom, you know I’m on the pill.”

“I know, I know.” She looked down. “I know you’re a smart girl, Holly. I just don’t want to admit to myself that you’re grown up and can take care of yourself – and possibly you’re husband someday, and kids… It just feels like you don’t need me anymore.”

“Mom, I’ll always need you. I’ll need you to help me pick out my wedding dress and your advice on what I should do when my 18 year old wants to move across the country from me.”

She smiled. “Your father and I might come visit you this summer. It’s been a while since I’ve seen Lisa, and maybe we can start thinking about your wedding details.”

“Mom, I’m not getting married for a while.”

“I know, but it doesn’t hurt to start thinking.” She pat me on my back, then Maria came in my room. “I guess I’ll be going now…”

“Maria, what are you doing here? Don’t you have school tomorrow?”

“Yeah, but I can blow it off. I want to see Eric when they come in. And before you ask, I don’t know if I’m going to spend the rest of my life with him, Holly. That’s the beauty of being young! We don’t all find Mr. Perfect on our trips cross-country.”

I stared at her. “I wasn’t even going to say anything like that. I told you to do what you want and I wouldn’t interfere.”

“Sorry, I guess I’m a little worked up from being paranoid. Jack said he was coming to visit me this weekend.”

“Why? Is he going to talk to you about you breaking up with him?”

She looked guilty. “Actually…I haven’t told him that we’re breaking up. I was going to, but then he started saying all these sweet and funny things to me, and I just didn’t have the heart.”

“And then you made out with Eric in my yard.”

She nodded. “I’m so bad. I can’t break up with him over the phone, but when he comes, Eric will still be here.”

“Just break up with him on the phone before he gets here so he doesn’t drive all the way here to be broken up with.”

She buried her head in my pillow and screamed, “WHY IS IT SO HARD!”

****

Maria fell asleep in my bed and I was waking up repeatedly during the night. I finally drifted into a 3 hour sleep around 4, only to be woken up by Maria putting her arm around me.

“Get off me, you lesbian,” I said drowsily and took the arm off and she put it right back on. “Maria! That’s not funny, stop touching me.” I finally opened my eyes and turned around to face her but John was there in place of her. I started screaming his name and hugging and kissing him. “I missed you so much. Don’t leave me again.” We embraced for a good 5 minutes before I asked where Maria was.

“She’s downstairs. She was up when I came in here, so she took the cue to go find Eric.”

I looked him in the eyes for a long time. “When can we go home?” He looked different to me but I didn’t know why.

“Whenever you want. I’m exhausted right now, so just go to sleep with me right now.” I agreed and we occupied only one side of the bed we were so close. Literally, someone else could be sleeping beside us and it wouldn’t even bother us.

I woke up around 11 and John was still sleeping soundly. I guess I didn’t notice before, but he had his shirt off and the necklace with my ring on it was touching the bed. I decided I better keep it there for fear of my dad seeing. I don’t know why I was so scared of him seeing the ring when I’m not scared at all at him seeing John and I sleep in the same bed, unmarried. I started holding the necklace and John woke up. “You know, I don’t know why people these days think that when they’re 20 they’re too young to get married. I mean, our grandparents had kids by now and our parents would have already been married.”

He laughed and kissed my nose. “That’s because no one had anything better to do except sit around and have babies. Nowadays we like to get ahead in our careers before we start settling in.”

I smiled and stroked his side. “And you want to settle down with me?”

“Why wouldn’t I? You want to settle for me?”

“Being with you isn’t settling because I couldn’t get anything better.”

He started tickling me again but this time we just started wrestling. It felt like we were playing Twister.

-August 4, 2009-

The last time I saw John was the last day of June, when they came to Phoenix for Warped Tour. I got replaced as the merch manager by Vito, the guy who filled in for me for the last tour. I didn’t mind, actually. I didn’t really like the idea of being outside all day, especially in the summer, so it was a win-win on my part. And besides, my parents were here in Tempe with me. Well actually, there. I was flying to Kansas today to wish John a happy birthday. I wasn’t really the text type of girl. I got to the side of the Hurley stage while they were playing Girls Do What They Want and my plan was in place. Their tour manager, Moose, and Vito helped lift this giant cake over me and they wheeled it and myself on stage towards the end of the song and the crowd started singing Happy Birthday to him. Once they were done, I popped out of the top and he looked as surprised as the rest of the band. Then the crowd started cheering like they knew me.

He walked over to me and I said, “Happy birthday,” and kissed him. Then the crowd sounded like a 80s sitcom audience whenever someone would kiss. He told me he loved me and I guess the way we were hugging the microphone was close to his face so the audience heard then starting to aww. I didn’t even care. I smeared cake on his face then I started to run away, but he threw some at me and the next thing we know, everyone on stage is throwing cake at each other. That can’t be good for the equipment.

After they played, John ran off stage after blowing a giant kiss to the entire crowd and hugged me. “What are you doing here?” He said finally.

“It’s your birthday, silly.”

“Where’s my present?” He asked jokingly. I pulled it out of my pocket. I bought him an engagement ring and put it around his necklace along with my ring. “What’s this for?”

“So our rings can be together when we’re not.”

He walked back to the stage where people were switching equipment for the next band and cleaning up the cake and got on the microphone. “Does anyone have a chain necklace that I can have?” He said and sure enough someone threw one up there. “Thank you so much, I will love you forever.” He walked back to me and took his ring off his necklace, put it on the new one and put it around my neck. “Now this way they’ll always come back to each other.”

I smiled. “There you go with that extra cheese again.”

“I can’t help it; you’re the one who offers it, so I take it.” And then he just held me until I had to go back to the airport.

****

When I got back to Tempe, I went straight to Lisa’s house to see my parents, but they weren’t there. “Where did my parents go?”

“They went home.”

“Without telling me?”

“I guess so Sweetie. They didn’t tell me anything. I’m only her sister.”

A week passed and I didn’t hear anything from my parents. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought they died. But one day I was lounging around Lisa’s house when my mom walked through the door.

“Mom! What the hell happened to you guys?”

“We had to go home and get our stuff.”

“Didn’t you bring enough with you in the first place?”

“Well there’s still a few things left at the house, but we’ll go get the couch another time. Your dad’s still up there making sure no one breaks in, you know how paranoid he is.”

I stood there for a minute. “I’m sorry…Did I miss something?”

“Oh, duh!” She said and hit her forehead lightly. “I thought we told you. We’ve been looking at houses down here since we’ve been here and we finally decided on one and bought it. We’re moving down here to be closer to you!”