Let The Walls Break Down

After John kissed me, I didn’t even notice the people around us looked completely confused. I didn’t really care; I was home. John put Holden down on the ground and looked at me and held my hand. “Forever,” he whispered in my ear. Gradually people started to leave until Maria and Austin were the only ones left besides us.

“I’m so happy for you guys,” Maria said and she was literally exuding happiness. “Can I talk to you Holly?” I nodded and once again, we went into the back guest room. “What if it’s Rian’s baby?”

“After thinking about it, I don’t really think it’s his.”

“How can you be sure?”

“I used condoms with Rian.”

Maria looked around the room like she couldn’t believe me. “And you didn’t with John?”

“No because every time I’m with John, it’s kind of spur of the moment. But with Rian, it was like we carefully orchestrated it.”

“Gee, I wonder who you were really meant to be with…” she said sarcastically.

“Shut up. I know who I’m supposed to be with. I’ve known since June 28, 2008.” I looked past Maria, getting nostalgic.

“What, did you like imprint on him or something?” She chuckled.

“Something like that. I don’t know…I know it sounds cheesy, but it was like something greater than any of us brought us together. I told you about him when I moved here, right?”

“Yeah. I didn’t know the two were the same guy for a while.”

“Okay, well anyways. You know that I completely despised him then, but before that, I had this huge crush on him.” Maria nodded. “And then my cousin calls me out of the blue, all the way from Arizona at that, and asks me to be the merch person for the band he’s in which coincidentally John is in.”

“Crazy. Ass. Shit,” Maria said.

“Yes. So anyways, I really believe it’s John’s baby.”

“Well, I hope it is. You guys deserve one another because the whole time you were gone he wouldn’t even look at another girl. He’s completely loyal to you even when you’re not to him.”

“I know, and that’s the part that scares me. Because even though we’re okay right now, who knows if this is going to come back and bite me in the ass.”

“Just talk to him.”

“It seems like I have to. I mean, when we were out there tonight and talking, it was like he wasn’t even mad for anything I did.”

“Well, he’s not mad…he’s hurt. You wanted to be with Rian instead of him.”

“Not instead of –”

“In addition to? Really Holly?”

“No, not in addition to…John understands that I met Rian before I got involved with him and that I had this deep desire to be with him even if I didn’t show it. And it was sort of like a free pass to go be with Rian. Now that we’re done, it’s like I used up my visa, you know what I’m saying?”

“Like a hall pass.”

“Yeah. And now that John and I are back together, everything is finally going to be okay.”

She gave me a hug and pat my back. “I hope everything works out for you. I have to go; Austin and I have to go watch Dexter.”

I chuckled. “Okay. See you soon.”

She walked out of the room and I followed after her. I put my hands on my stomach and John walked over to me and did the same. He looked deep into my eyes and as if he could hear what I was thinking said, “We’ll get over this. I promise.”

It turns out all I needed was his reassurance and I already felt better about things. “John?”

“Yes.”

“Can we go home now?”

He smiled like there was no tomorrow and nodded. “Merry Christmas, Holly. Our fourth together,” he said after he picked up Holden, said goodbye to my parents and walked outside.

“Maybe we should get married on Christmas. I mean, that is our day.”

“Who would go to a wedding on Christmas? Everyone wants to be with their families.”

“Christmas is so obsolete now-a-days. I mean, look who we had here tonight. Everyone besides me was away from their family.” He put Holden in the car seat, shut the door and leaned against it and pulled my hips towards his. “Well…I think it’s a good idea.”

“I guess you’re right. December 25, 2013. Exactly one year from today, exactly 5 years from being engaged.”

“Technically, we got re-engaged today too.” I was looking at and stroking his jawline then I looked in his eyes and kissed him softly.

After I pulled apart, he held me close and kissed the top of my head. “I love you Holly.”

“I love you John.”

-Two weeks later-

I was starting to show but I just looked like I gained 10 pounds. John was on tour and I was at the apartment all day everyday just hanging out with my best friend Holden. He was a cotton head. He had bleach blonde hair like John when he was a baby and he was already walking and terrorizing the house. He’s so smart now; he figured out how to open the refrigerator and get the chocolate sauce out and “paint” as he called it.

“Holden, you’re wearing me out!” I huffed as I scooped him up in the hallway and took him into my room. “It’s sleepy time now.”

“Where Dadda?” He whispered loudly as I picked him up and laid him next to me.

“He’ll be back soon. He’s making money so we don’t live in a box.”

“Okay Momma.” He was laying down and squirming a lot but after 5 minutes he had passed out. I called John.

“Hey Holly.”

“John, he’s figuring it out. He’s noticing that you’re not around.”

“Is he sad?”

“Of course he’s sad. He doesn’t have his dadda.”

“Well I’ll be on Skype at around midnight if you guys wanna stay up.”

“We’ll just sleep until then. He’s passed out right now.”

“Has he finished his painting job?” He laughed adorably.

I let out a sigh. “No he got fired and the paint had to be stripped. I have a feeling he’s going to do graffiti or something when he’s older.”

“Or you know, something a bit more positive like art class.”

I rolled over. “Oh John…why do you have to be in Brazil…”

“We love Brazil. We should move here.”

I let out a stifled laugh. “Yeah. Okay. But we do need to move though. Baby no. 2 is full-speed ahead and we’re short a bedroom.”

“When I get back we’ll go house hunting.”

“An actual house?” I started to sound really excited and he chuckled.

“Yeah, if you want. We can buy a mansion for our six kids.”

“I already told you that six kids are not coming out of me.”

“Five?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Four. Bargain price. Take it or leave it.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Come on, you’re almost half way there anyways.”

“Goodbye John. I’ll see you at midnight.”

He sighed. “Fineee. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

Midnight comes around and Holden was wide awake next to me as I signed in on Skype and immediately I get a video call from John. But it wasn’t John. It was everyone except him. “Hey Holly,” Jared said calmly.

“Hello there Jared.”

“Jared!” Holden screeched, making him smile.

“What about the rest of us?” Garrett said looking hurt.

“Hi Gare, Kenny, Pat,” he said shyly and hid his face and they all smiled and laughed.

“He is so FREAKIN’ ADORABLE,” Kenny said.

“Too bad he picks favorites,” Pat said and looked at Jared as he gloated.

Suddenly I heard John somewhere on the other side. “You guys already called her?” They looked around like they didn’t do it and slowly got up and walked away as John came back to the screen. He looked so adorable. His hair was fixed up the way it was in summer ’08 and he was wearing a nice looking suit.

“Are you going to prom?” I asked.

“Just dressing up for a date.”

“With who?”

“You, of course.”

“Why didn’t you tell me we were going on a date? If I would have known, I’d be wearing something nicer than a gray v-neck and athletic shorts. I mean, my face is all gross and my hair is a mess.”

“You look beautiful. You look better when you’re not trying to.”

Holden looked at me. “You look bootaful Momma.” I kissed the top of his head and he crawled into my lap and started slapping my knees lightly.

“Hey Holden what did you do today?” John said and smiled at him. You couldn’t look at this child without smiling.

“We saw Mimi and Papa then we go to sleep.”

“How’s Mimi and Papa?”

“They give me new trucks!”

“Can I see your new trucks?”

“Yeah, yeah hold on.” He climbed out of my lap and ran into the living room.

“I miss you, John,” I said and he looked sad.

“I know. I miss you too. I’ll be home in a month. Have you gotten any bigger?”

“Yeah. Just a little bit. I just look like I have a food baby.”

Holden came running in the room and showed John his trucks and he expressed his excitement along with him. Soon John was falling asleep and we got off of Skype and I put Holden in his crib in the other bedroom. “See you in the morning, kid. I love you.”

“I love you Momma.”

A month later I was woken up by bangs in the kitchen and I ran in there to see that John had gotten back already but it was just my mom. “Mom, what are you doing here?”

“I’m making you guys breakfast. And you haven’t seen me in two weeks I was getting worried, so I came by to see how you guys are doing and I decided to make you breakfast while you were still asleep.”

“Thanks Mom.” I walked over to the bar and sat on a stool. “John should be coming home today.”

“Oh, so that’s why you ran in here to see me.” She was stirring something and smiling.

“Yeah, you were just a big disappointment Mom.”

“I know, I know. So are you guys engaged again?”

“Yeah. We got engaged on Christmas again.”

“So what was this whole Rian thing about?”

“I don’t know…You know I used to like him. I guess I wanted something more than we had all along I just couldn’t recognize that. John was understanding enough to let me do what I wanted.”

“You weren’t afraid of being tied down to John for the rest of your life?”

“Why would I be afraid?”

“Because you remind me a lot of myself when I was younger. Like yourself, I met your father when I was fairly young and knew I was going to spend my life with him but I wasn’t ready to completely settle down with him.”

“Did you cheat on him or something?”

“No, dear. We broke up for about a year until we realized we were completely miserable without each other so we got back together and after years of being engaged, I finally committed myself to him.”

“It’s so weird to hear you say stuff like this, Mom.” I laughed and walked to the other side of the bar and ate some strawberries she had set out.

“I was young once too. I wasn’t born old.” She glanced at me. “Oh my goodness Holly! You’re getting so big! Looks like you could have twins or triplets in there.”

“John would be so happy if that were true. Did I tell you he wants to have six kids?”

“Six! I had my hands full with you.”

“Well I’m not going to have six kids. I bargained for four – that’s as low as he would go.”

“You certainly are getting a head start, aren’t you?”

I paused. “Are you upset that I’m having kids before I’m married?”

“Oh, goodness no, Hun. The times have changed and that means domestically as well. At least you’re now in a stable relationship.” I gave her a hug and she lightly pat my back. “So are you hoping for a girl this time?”

“No, I’m kinda content with boys…I don’t have to worry about her taking cross country road trips at 18 and having kids with her boyfriend so young.” She shook her head and smiled, dumping the sausage on a plate.

Later on that day, Holden and I were watching TV when I dozed off and woke up to John kissing me and I jumped up with excitement and hugged him tightly as we kissed again.

“That was the longest freakin’ month of my life! I hate tour.”

“I hate that it means not being around you.” He took a step back and felt my stomach. “I’ve been gone longer than I thought.”

“Dadda!” Holden was jumping up at his leg and he picked him up and kissed his forehead.

“I missed you buddy! You wanna go get some ice cream later?” Holden didn’t say anything but just had this huge smile on his face and John put him down and held my hands. “Guess where we’re going today.”

“To get ice cream?”

“I called a real estate agent today on the way over here and I set up some houses for us to go and look at.”

I jumped up in his arms and wrapped my legs around him and he held me as I kissed him. “Oh my gosh really?”

“Yep. And I requested for houses with at least five bedrooms.” I rolled my eyes then we were off to search for houses.

After looking at only five houses, I had decided on one and John seconded my decision and Holden was happy wherever he was. We were only in the house ten seconds before we realized we were home.

****

I was already in bed and John finally laid down. “I went to the doctor’s today,” I said and wrapped my arm around him.

“And?”

“It’s a girl, John.”