Let The Walls Break Down

-July 4, 2008-

I'd been staying at Pat's for a week now along with the rest of the band and his parents. I don't know why they were all here, it's not like they lived far away. Tomorrow would be the first date of the tour and we were leaving tonight after watching some fireworks. Patty, Gare, and I were sitting/lounging/laying in his front yard and Kenny, John and Jared joined us. John was propped up on his elbows and wearing a gray beanie and a plaid shirt. He looked good in that beanie. And a good plaid shirt makes anyone, even Jared, hot. I was sitting Indian-style but my back started to hurt so I layed down next to Kenny. He was sitting closest to Jared and kind of away from everyone else.

"When are you going to make a move on John?" Jared's question caught me off guard.

"What are you talking about?" I rolled over to face them.

"Holly, are you blind? John's crazy about you. He always has been," Kenny said. I personally didn't like to call him Kenny, but it was a lot simpler to say than Kennedy.

"How can he be crazy about me? Number 1, I haven't been here for seven years. Number 2, I'm totally different. Number 3, I've been back for a week."

Jared rolled his eyes. "Kennedy, you're so dumb. He hasn't been the entire time, but when you came back, all his old feelings did as well."

"I don't understand. I was so ugg."

"Yeah, I don't understand either," Kenny said and laughed as I shoved him. "It's the truth! I really don't. Him and Ross made fun of you all the time and I thought it was just because he hated you. But he was inconsolible for like a month after you left. We didn't have to ask."

I got up from my spot and sat close to John and he sat upright and got off his elbows. "How's it goin'?" he asked.

"Good. I'm just watching the fireworks."

"You know, you state the obvious a lot."

"It's because I state the obvious." It was at this time I noticed that there was music going on and a song I recognized came on. "Is this All Time Low?"

"Yeah. Running From Lions. I love this song."

"...Me too." I thought about Rian. And I thought about how I got here. Whatever happened to Rian? I didn't care. I was here with John now. I could see his arm moving behind me like he was going to put it around me. Smooth. Pat and Gare kept pointing in the sky in all different directions saying 'Look at that one! No that one!' John looked at me as this huge firework exploded and crackled and I could see the lights dance around in his liquid green eyes.

"Happy Independence Day." He might as well have said 'I love you,' because that was how much emotion was put in it. The rest of the night we loaded the white van and attached trailer with all of our stuff and piled in where there was room. Kenny drove first because he slept most of the day. We bid adeux to Patty's parents and turned on some loud music I hadn't heard before. Jared was sitting in the passenger seat, Pat and Gare were in the middle and John and I were in the back. We both turned to face each other and were leaning against the sides of the car. I stretched my legs and put them in his lap and played Are You Nervous? I got nervous when he got just above my knee and I had to stop when I was getting close to his happy place. Once it got half past one, I fell asleep with my head on his shoulder and he put his arm around me.

It was around 4:30 in the morning and everyone was piling out of the van except for Pat and Jared, who were asleep. I stirred out of my sleep as John waited patiently for me to get up. "Where are we?"

"Vegas. We got here sooner than we expected so we're getting something for breakfast."

We got out of the van and Gare and Kenny were already in line. When I got inside, I finally realized where we had stopped. Taco Bell. "Wow, we're like the only people in the world at a Taco Bell right now." We ordered our food and ordered stuff for Jared and Pat.

"So...I heard you two playing Are You Nervous earlier," Garrett said with a mischievous smile. Kennedy looked completely oblivious and surprised because he had been driving the whole time.

"And where was I?" Kennedy looked appalled that he had not been included.

"I don't know if you realized this, Kenny, but you were driving," I said and took a bite of this taco thing. John laughed adorably and wiped his mouth. "Just FYI."

"How far'd you go?" Kenny said and Gare leaned in to listen.

"All the way," I said.

"I told you she'd make a move tonight!" Kenny somewhat screamed to Garrett.

"Hey, did you know the word 'gullible' isn't in the dictionary?" John said.

"Yes it is!" Gare said and then looked puzzled and whispered to Kenny, "Is it?"

"I don't know!" he whispered back.

****

We got to the Hard Rock Hotel and I started setting up the merch table in the front corridor as they got ready for sound check. Before the show, I sold about 15 shirts and I heard a bunch of screaming and guessed they had come on stage. John's beautiful voice enveloped me. They started with Everything I Ask For and sang a couple more songs from their new CD and some from their EP and ended with We'll All Be. I was mezmorized the entire time. After their set, about 30 girls came to the table to buy merch and I heard some of them talk about how hot the lead singer was. For some reason I became insanely jealous. I wanted to beat them. I listened as Metro Station came on next and then Good Charlotte and ending with Boys Like Girls. I sang along to pretty much everything except a couple of old Good Charlotte songs I didn't own. The after-show crowd came through and I sold a few more items. About an hour after the show, the merch guy for Metro Station told me I should be packing up. I got all of the boxes back into the trailer next to where Pat's drum set was going and a few guitars on a rack.

The hunt for the guys was exhausting. I got told that they were in the showers, backstage, and outside meeting the fans. All lies. I just decided to wait on, near, or in the van. Whichever I decided. Jared and Pat made it back to the van first because everyone else wanted to talk to John, Kennedy, and Garrett. I felt bad. Then Garrett came, then Kenny was pretty much pulling John along because so many people wanted to talk to him. I just had this pit in my stomach full of jealousy. John looked like he was about to collapse of exhaustion and we all stood in a circle with our arms around each other.

"That...was a fucking show. That was a show."

We piled in the van again and I once again fell asleep on John and his rhythmic breathing told me he was asleep too. We didn't have to be in Chicago until the 8th, so we could have a couple of stops between here and there.

-July 21, 2008-

Tonight was the Tempe show so we were staying at Pat's parents' house again. It felt so nice to be sleeping in a real bed. At the show, I was taking money from this girl and giving her a shirt when I heard John say into the microphone, "I'd like to dedicate this song to this really amazing girl I can't stop thinking about. I hope you enjoy this." This isn't a song that they normally played live. This was my favorite song by them.

"She thinks I'm crazy.
Judging by the faces that she's making.
And I think she's pretty.
But pretty's just part of the things she does that amaze me.
And she calls me sweetheart.
I love it when she wakes me when it's still dark.
And she watches the sun.
But she's the only one I have my eyes on.

Tell me that you love me.
And it'll be alright.
Are you thinking of me?
Just come with me tonight.
You know I need you.
Just like you need me.
Can't stop, Won't stop.
I must be dreaming.
Can't stop, Won't stop.
I must be dreaming."

I wanted to cry. I thought I was the only one who felt this way, but he explained clearly that I wasn't the only one.

When we got back to Pat's house, John and I took a walk again. "Did you mean everything you said?"

"Every word."

I looked at him with his shaggy hair and plaid shirt with the top buttons undone. I just wanted to attack him. We came to a stop at the corner of the street and he took my hands in his. "I've wanted to do this for a long time."

I could feel what was coming next. He slowly lowered his head (because he's like 10 feet taller than me) and I raised myself up to kiss him. I felt all the tension in him and myself leave and he let go of my hands and put his around my neck. I put my arms around him and he ran one of his fingers down my arm softly. He kissed me one last time and held me close to him. Why was I thinking about Rian?