Let The Walls Break Down

He crossed the room to me and kissed me with more passion than I've ever known. "Um...dinner's ready," he said, struggling for words.

I heard my phone beep and checked it really quick. 'Holly! Where'd you go!?' from Alex. I threw my phone on the bed and sat down at the table across from John.

"You know, I never thought I would say a girl looks hot in my clothes."

I blushed. I don't know why, but I did. I was feeling so anxious and excited and giddy. And John wouldn't stop smiling. I barely touched my food. Don't get me wrong, what I ate was delicious, but I still wasn't all that hungry and the excitement building up inside of me wasn't making me any hungrier.

"Is the food okay?" he said, noticing I was just pushing it around on my plate. He looked nervous. Like if I didn't like his food, I didn't like him.

"No, it's fine. I'm just not all that hungry yet."

"Well, we can eat it later." He picked up his plate and I noticed he didn't touch his either. He picked up mine and kissed the top of my head as he walked to the kitchen. "Are you thirsty?" he projected.

"Uh...yeah. Thanks." I didn't know what was going on. Why was I so spacey and freaked out?

He came back in the room with two wine glasses. I held mine and he poured water from a water bottle into it as I giggled. He was so adorable. We stepped out on the balcony drinking our water and got a view of the pool. Everyone was still there. Alex and Jack were the first to spot us.

"IT'S HOLLY! I FOUND HER! AND SHE'S WITH JOHN!" Alex yelled.

"THEY'RE GONNA DO IT!" Jack mimicked in tone.

I laughed and shook my head at them as John moved my hair out of the way and kissed me. Whooping from the pool ensued. We moved back into the room, slid the door shut, and closed the blinds. They yelled even louder, which made me break from the kiss to smile. "I love you, John."

"I love you too."

I layed down on the bed and he once again crawled on top of me. It felt like I wasn't breathing but in reality I was breathing more than needed. It's funny, when I was younger, I always pictured myself here, with John. And now it was coming true.
I started unbuttoning John's plaid shirt as he was hovering over me and his hands were carressing my arms. "Are you okay?" he asked. I guess he noticed my breathing.

"I'm fine. I'm better than ever."

"We don't have to do this if you don't want to."

"No, I want to."

As much as he didn't, he went ahead and acted like he trusted me. I rolled over on top of him and he lifted my shirt gently off of me and stroked the sides of my carriage. I leant down to kiss him and I ran my hands down his chest. I kissed his tattoos and his neck and finally made it back to his lips. It felt like we were making out for hours, but it was probably just about 6 minutes. I've never felt so much love and passion in my life than what was happening right now. I've never felt better and I have no regrets about anything John and I are sharing.

The next morning, I woke up around 9 in the morning and he was still asleep. He's always slept with his shirt off, but something about right now made him look even better. I slid closer to him and nestled my head underneath his as he woke up.

"Good morning," he said and looked into my eyes. "Did you sleep well?"

"Better than ever." I kissed him and he hitched up my leg on his and ran his hands up and down my thigh.

He stopped kissing me suddenly. "God, you look so damn beautiful. I've never seen you look this stunning before."

"Because I've never been this happy before."

For the next 10 minutes, we just snuggled in silence. "Happy birthday," he said and put his chin on top of my head.

"Oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm already 19..." I ran my fingers through my hair and realized I was thoroughly exposed. I wrapped the sheet around me and went into the bathroom and looked at myself. Although my hair was a mess and a new blemish was forming on my chin, John was right. I've never seen myself look this good; my eyes were greener than normal and my fake red hair had more vibrancy to it. I still had the sheet around me when I walked back out and John had on the gray jeans from yesterday and the v-neck I was wearing.

"This smells amazing, by the way," he said, sniffing the shirt.

"Amazing what a wash and someone who's had a shower wearing it will do."

I pulled on some clean jeans and the green plaid shirt I undressed from him last night. I left the top two buttons undone, that way I was showing something, but not a lot. By noon, we were done with lunch and everything was out of the hotel rooms and we started over to the House of Blues.

"Aww! I wanna go bowling!" John whined when we stepped out of the van, obviously viewing the bowling alley next door.

"We'll go bowling later," I said and rubbed his back and he put his hand on the small of my back as we walked inside. Alex grabbed my arm and I got whiplash from the sudden stop.

"So." He was looking at me with druggie eyes. "You had sex with him, huh?"

I turned red, but I tried to hide it. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh my God! You totally did!"

"Well, so what if I did. How could you tell? Can you see it on my face?"

"You're wearing his shirt," he said after looking at me weird. "And I think you were wearing the shirt he has on yesterday when you were on the balcony."

"Whatever Alex. Go get a life." He obediently walked into the venue and Zack came behind me, picked me up, and threw me over his shoulder. I would have screamed, but I got quite used to being carried over the shoulders of people. "Hi Zack," I said calmly.

"Hey Holly. What's up."

"Me." He laughed, but in a "that joke was so bad I feel sorry for you so I'm going to laugh" way. "You know, I'd appreciate not being carried away from the van, since I have to unload boxes and shit."

"Flyzik will handle it. You're hanging with us today." It sounded fun, but I had the strangest feeling Rian would be there. And I was right. We entered one of the back lounges and the rest of All Time Low, Lisa and Kara were sitting on the couches. "I brought Holly."

Zack reminded me of a caveman at times. I can't believe I used to like him. When I sat down, Kara and Lisa instictively migrated towards me. Rian kept staring at her and it made me feel uncomfortable everytime because I was sitting next to her and it felt like he was staring at me. I wanted to leave. I wanted to pretend like I got a text and needed to be somewhere else. I wanted to be anywhere but here.

"Well, I have to take a shower. Wanna join me, Zack?" Jack said and looked at him seductively.

"Dude, are you cheating on me right in front of me? Are you kidding?" Alex looked hurt.

"Okay. You get a free pass to do Rian," Jack said and headed towards the shower. Zack didn't follow and you could hear Jack's distraught cries down the hall. Alex started running down the hall screaming to wait for him, and Zack finally got up the nerve to go there as well. Rian stayed for a moment and then filed after them. Gay. Which left me, Lisa and Kara sitting there by ourselves.

"Well, I'm going to join them," Lisa said and walked into the darkness of the hallway. Kara was shaking her head and laughing.

"Yeah, I'm not going down there. It will get weird." There was a long pause. "You want to go get something to drink next door?" she finally said.

"Sure. Just hold on a second, I have to make a call." She nodded and left me alone in the room as I called my mom.

"Hi, sweetie! How are you?"

"I'm fine, Mom. How are you guys doing? How's Pickles?"

She ignored my questions. "Did you finish your classes today?"

"Yeah. They keep getting easier and easier. I hope I'm doing this right."

We talked for a few more minutes and then we hung up. I got up and I heard Rian's voice behind me. "Hi, Holly."

"Hey Rian."

"Um, can we talk for a few minutes?"

"Sure."

I sat back down and he sat rather close to me, his legs angled towards mine. "You're not mad at me, are you?"

"Why would I be mad at you?"

He looked at me like I knew. "I was in love with you and I started seeing Kara. If I were in your place, I would be pretty pissed at me."

"Well I'm not. Not anymore, at least. I was at first. But John helped out a lot in that department."

"Just listen to me when I say this. I meant it when I said that you were special and extraordinary. I wasn't just blowing smoke. But the reason I started dating her was because I didn't want our relationship to turn into turmoil. I figured if we were together, we couldn't withstand the drama of the situation, but I see you're doing just fine with John. I guess what I'm trying to say is...if I were to have a relationship on the road and it failed, I wouldn't want it to be you."

I didn't really want to believe him, but I did. "Well were you just going to keep me on hold forever?"

"No. I didn't know what I was thinking. But I do know that I messed up. Will you ever forgive me?" He looked sad and guilty.

"Of course. I see where you're coming from." I paused and I made him think I wanted to be kissed. "But we can't hurt John or Kara. You love her and I love him."

"You're right." He wouldn't look away from my eyes. He slowly leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine. At first, I didn't protest, because I was immediately brought back to that day he left my house, but today pushed itself back into my thoughts and I pulled back and slapped him.

"That wasn't very nice." I stood up, forgetting all about Kara, and ran until I found John. I even started crying. I didn't even see Kara when I ran around the corner and I didn't realize she'd heard the whole thing. I just had to find John. I saw him in the main floor of the place talking to stage people and managers and he saw me and immediately ignored them.

I started walking faster and he caught me in his arms and carressed my head. I guess I was bawling by this point. "Holly, what happened? What's wrong?" He pressed the side of his face to my forehead.

I found in myself the will to speak. "Just tell me that you love me. And that it'll be alright."