Hogwarts Online: How the Students of Hogwarts Discovered the Horrors of the Internet.
Chapter 1
A/N: I love Harry Potter chat style fics but there never seem to be many around, so here’s my version. I hope you enjoy it.
Youngest-Seeker-In-A-Century has entered the chat.
Hogwarts-A-History has entered the chat.
Youngest-Seeker-In-A-Century: Hey Mione!
Hogwarts-A-History: How many times have I told you not to call me that?
Youngest-Seeker-In-A-Century: Once or twice...
Hogwarts-A-History: More like a hundred!
Youngest-Seeker-In-A-Century: Sorry. Ron set up his account yet?
Cannons-Keeper has entered the chat.
Cannons-Keeper: YES
Youngest-Seeker-In-A-Century: Should have known you two were together. Well done for being able to work it out Ron!
Cannons-Keeper: Mione did it for me.
Hogwarts-A-History: Will you two stop calling me Mione!
Slytherin-Sex-God has entered the room.
Slytherin-Sex-God: Pothead, Weasel, Mudblood.
Youngest-Seeker-In-A-Century: You sure you don’t prefer Mione?
Hogwarts-A-History: Yes! Malfoy, unless you want another black eye I’d suggest you join a different chat room!
Youngest-Seeker-In-A-Century: LOL!
Slytherin-Sex-God: LOL?
Youngest-Seeker-In-A-Century: Laugh out loud. Stupid purebloods!
Cannons-Keeper: HEY!
Youngest-Seeker-In-A-Century: Sorry Ron! I meant stupid SLYTHERIN purebloods.
Slytherin-Sex-God: Says the Gryfindork!
The-Littlest-Weasley has entered the room.
The-Littlest-Weasley: Harry. There’s something you need to see. The muggles know... And they’ve made you...
Youngest-Seeker-In-A-Century: The muggles know what, and have made me what?
The-Littlest-Weasley: www.fanfiction.net/Books/Harry_Potter
Youngest-Seeker-In-A-Century: What is this?
The-Littlest-Weasley: Rita Skeeter’s made these books under a pseudonym. They’re about you, and now the muggles have... Just go to the link!
The-Littlest-Weasley: Actually, you all should.
10 minutes later
Cannons-Keeper: I would never rape Hermione!
Hogwarts-A-History: Me and Snape. *Gag*
Slytherin-Sex-God: You think that’s bad? They made me gay with the-boy-who-just-won’t-die!
The-Littlest-Weasley: Poor Harry. At least everyone doesn’t hate you! Apparently I’m a slut!
Cannons-Keeper: NO COMMENT!!!!!
Fred has entered the chat.
The-Littlest-Weasley: Hey Fred.
George has entered the chat.
George: He’s not Fred! I am!
Fred: You’re our sister. Can’t you tell us apart by now?
The-Littlest-Weasley: Not on HogwartsOnline! I can’t see you. You need to see this website I found. www.fanfiction.net/books/Harry_Potter
George: Aww does ickle Harry have his own website?
Fred: Erm... Fred...
George: Yes my beloved brother?
Fred: Search our names...
George: Ok...
Five minutes later
George: I feel sick.
George has left the chat.
George has logged off.
The-Littlest-Weasley: What was that about?
Fred: I think we just discovered twincest.
The-Littlest-Weasley: Twinscest?
Slytherin-Sex-God: Lul
Hogwarts-A-History: It’s LOL.
Slytherin-Sex-God: LOL then! At least the Weasley’s won’t be breeding with some muggle!
Hogwarts-A-History: You’re shagging Harry!
Slytherin-Sex-God: Shut up.
The-Potions-Master has entered the chat.
Slytherin-Sex-God: Sevviekins!
The-Potions-Master: Excuse me?
Slytherin-Sex-God: Ask the mudblood!
The-Potions-Master: Ms Granger?
Hogwarts-A-History: There’s this site...
Five minutes later
The-Potions-Master: Ms Granger, I can assure you I do not want to bend you over my desk during detention.
Hogwarts-A-History: Thank Merlin!
The-Potions-Master: I am going to kill Skeeter.
Slytherin-Sex-God: Not if I get there first!
The-Potions-Master: I only came on to tell you it is past curfew. Not to be shown vomit worthy content. Everyone sign off now!
The-Potions-Master has left the chat.
The-Potions-Master has signed out.
Slytherin-Sex-God: Night losers!
Slytherin-Sex-God has left the chat.
Slytherin-Sex-God has signed out.
Hogwarts-A-History: See you all in the common room.
Hogwarts-A-History has left the chat.
Hogwarts-A-History has signed out.
Cannons-Keeper: BYE!
Cannons-Keeper has left the chat.
Cannons-Keeper has signed out.
Fred has left the chat.
Fred has signed out.
The-Littlest-Weasley: Bye Harry xxxx
The-Littlest-Weasley has left the chat.
The-Littlest-Weasley has signed out.
Youngest-Seeker-In-A-Century: They made me gay with the ferret?!
Youngest-Seeker-In-A-Century has entered the chat.
Hogwarts-A-History has entered the chat.
Youngest-Seeker-In-A-Century: Hey Mione!
Hogwarts-A-History: How many times have I told you not to call me that?
Youngest-Seeker-In-A-Century: Once or twice...
Hogwarts-A-History: More like a hundred!
Youngest-Seeker-In-A-Century: Sorry. Ron set up his account yet?
Cannons-Keeper has entered the chat.
Cannons-Keeper: YES
Youngest-Seeker-In-A-Century: Should have known you two were together. Well done for being able to work it out Ron!
Cannons-Keeper: Mione did it for me.
Hogwarts-A-History: Will you two stop calling me Mione!
Slytherin-Sex-God has entered the room.
Slytherin-Sex-God: Pothead, Weasel, Mudblood.
Youngest-Seeker-In-A-Century: You sure you don’t prefer Mione?
Hogwarts-A-History: Yes! Malfoy, unless you want another black eye I’d suggest you join a different chat room!
Youngest-Seeker-In-A-Century: LOL!
Slytherin-Sex-God: LOL?
Youngest-Seeker-In-A-Century: Laugh out loud. Stupid purebloods!
Cannons-Keeper: HEY!
Youngest-Seeker-In-A-Century: Sorry Ron! I meant stupid SLYTHERIN purebloods.
Slytherin-Sex-God: Says the Gryfindork!
The-Littlest-Weasley has entered the room.
The-Littlest-Weasley: Harry. There’s something you need to see. The muggles know... And they’ve made you...
Youngest-Seeker-In-A-Century: The muggles know what, and have made me what?
The-Littlest-Weasley: www.fanfiction.net/Books/Harry_Potter
Youngest-Seeker-In-A-Century: What is this?
The-Littlest-Weasley: Rita Skeeter’s made these books under a pseudonym. They’re about you, and now the muggles have... Just go to the link!
The-Littlest-Weasley: Actually, you all should.
10 minutes later
Cannons-Keeper: I would never rape Hermione!
Hogwarts-A-History: Me and Snape. *Gag*
Slytherin-Sex-God: You think that’s bad? They made me gay with the-boy-who-just-won’t-die!
The-Littlest-Weasley: Poor Harry. At least everyone doesn’t hate you! Apparently I’m a slut!
Cannons-Keeper: NO COMMENT!!!!!
Fred has entered the chat.
The-Littlest-Weasley: Hey Fred.
George has entered the chat.
George: He’s not Fred! I am!
Fred: You’re our sister. Can’t you tell us apart by now?
The-Littlest-Weasley: Not on HogwartsOnline! I can’t see you. You need to see this website I found. www.fanfiction.net/books/Harry_Potter
George: Aww does ickle Harry have his own website?
Fred: Erm... Fred...
George: Yes my beloved brother?
Fred: Search our names...
George: Ok...
Five minutes later
George: I feel sick.
George has left the chat.
George has logged off.
The-Littlest-Weasley: What was that about?
Fred: I think we just discovered twincest.
The-Littlest-Weasley: Twinscest?
Slytherin-Sex-God: Lul
Hogwarts-A-History: It’s LOL.
Slytherin-Sex-God: LOL then! At least the Weasley’s won’t be breeding with some muggle!
Hogwarts-A-History: You’re shagging Harry!
Slytherin-Sex-God: Shut up.
The-Potions-Master has entered the chat.
Slytherin-Sex-God: Sevviekins!
The-Potions-Master: Excuse me?
Slytherin-Sex-God: Ask the mudblood!
The-Potions-Master: Ms Granger?
Hogwarts-A-History: There’s this site...
Five minutes later
The-Potions-Master: Ms Granger, I can assure you I do not want to bend you over my desk during detention.
Hogwarts-A-History: Thank Merlin!
The-Potions-Master: I am going to kill Skeeter.
Slytherin-Sex-God: Not if I get there first!
The-Potions-Master: I only came on to tell you it is past curfew. Not to be shown vomit worthy content. Everyone sign off now!
The-Potions-Master has left the chat.
The-Potions-Master has signed out.
Slytherin-Sex-God: Night losers!
Slytherin-Sex-God has left the chat.
Slytherin-Sex-God has signed out.
Hogwarts-A-History: See you all in the common room.
Hogwarts-A-History has left the chat.
Hogwarts-A-History has signed out.
Cannons-Keeper: BYE!
Cannons-Keeper has left the chat.
Cannons-Keeper has signed out.
Fred has left the chat.
Fred has signed out.
The-Littlest-Weasley: Bye Harry xxxx
The-Littlest-Weasley has left the chat.
The-Littlest-Weasley has signed out.
Youngest-Seeker-In-A-Century: They made me gay with the ferret?!