Like the Stars

It had been a week. And nothing. Not a single thing had happened since the kiss.

It must be because I left after I said it. I knew he loved me, but I nearly pissed myself when I told him I felt the same.

Why the fuck do you have to such a girl? Ask him how he is, tell him that you’re sorry that you’re such a dumbass and ran away after the best damn thing in your life happened!

It sounds stupid, running away from the best thing to happen to you. But it was how I fell in love with Frank. Because, a long time ago, when life was pure and normal, I was in love. With another. With Jessica. And I threw that away.

I threw it – no, hurled it – across the room to watch it shatter into a billion sharp and beautifully broken pieces.

Just because I couldn’t handle having a real relationship. Because I wanted more, I wanted a Romeo and Juliet romance, forbidden lovers, but nothing tears us apart.

I tore us apart.

And I’d do it again, too. But only because I know now that even if she became even more beautiful and he became hideously scarred in an accident, I would love him more. Even if she selflessly gave away all her belongings to those in need, and he was cruelly greedy, I’d love him more. Even if she loved all beings equally, and treated everyone with kindness, and he was a mass murderer who tortured his victims maliciously, I would love him more. Endlessly, timelessly, love him more.

Just because he was Frank Iero. My Frank Iero. Who put his heart and soul and flesh and blood into everything he did.

And suddenly, there he was. The Juliet to my Romeo. The sweet Gertrude to my deceitful Claudius.

“Frank…h-how are you?” Please tell me you still love me. I think I’m ready to try something new, but only if you love me still.

“I’m…fine.”

Ask him about the night! Ask him about the kiss!

“Um…uh…Frank? I wanted to t-talk to you a-about the…the kiss.”

Your eyes got slightly wider and I could see a pretty pink blush dusting across your face.

“The one…from last week?”

“Yes…” what other kiss would I have been talking about?! We hadn’t been within a 5 foot vicinity of each other for the past week, so no onstage kisses or anything.

“The one that happened when I told you I…” he gulped, and I could see his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down, “I…l-loved you?”

“Yeah…” I was resisting the urge to run away again.

“O-oh…well, what about it?” your voice was shaky, you were nervous. But was it because you still felt that way, or because you were afraid I might still love you?

“We haven’t said anything to each other…and, I think you’ve been avoiding me…”

You went rigid, and I could see a flash of anger in your eyes, “I’ve been avoiding you?! You've been avoiding me! You…you ran away right after you told me you loved me too!”

“I WAS AFRAID! After breaking up with Jessica, I didn’t know if I could get over her! But then I fell for you. And I was confused, but I was so happy. And I didn’t want to leave you like I did with her.”

“Well, fuck, you could’ve told me! I love you, for god’s sake! That means that you can tell me anything, and I would accept it!”

“I’m sorry. And if you still love me…I hope we can start a relationship…”

You looked sad, as if you were apologizing to me.

Oh, god no. Please let us be together, please still love me. Don’t tell me you don’t feel that way anymore…

You gave a loud, shuddering sigh, I could see you were preparing yourself for what you were about to say.

“I still love you. I think that I always will. But you’ve hurt me so many times…”

My eyes were watering, and I could barely see through the film of tears. I clenched my eyes shut to prevent him from seeing me crying like a little kid.

You broke him one too many times, and now he’s afraid of you. Now he doesn’t want to be with you, because he’s afraid.

“…so it may take a while for me to get comfortable around you. But, I do want us to try it out.”

I snapped my eyes open. Had you really just said that…?

“Wh-what?”

“I said that I would like us to try this out. Try us out.”

“…oh.”

I couldn’t stand it anymore; I reached out and grasped his red shirt with my long needy fingers, pulling him into an embrace.

I knew I loved him then. Without a doubt, more than anything. Every time I hugged him, it was more of a collision. I could feel my heart beating against my chest, wanting to be closer to his beating heart. And his heart raced right along with mine, we were so close. And I know he could feel it too, because we were beating at the same time, in a way that only lover’s hearts can, like it were a song and we were the only one’s that could hear it or know it’s rhythm.

I wrapped my arms around him tighter, and I had never felt so tranquil before.

I could get used to this love stuff…