Here Today, Gone Tomorrow

I had unpacked, folded, and hung everything in my room. All in the matter of three hours. I smiled out of accomplishment and Laney leaned against my door frame, a smile on her face.

"Im glad your here, Haley." She smiled.

"Me too." I smiled lightly and she sat down on the edge of my bed next to me.

"So you start school tomorrow."

I laughed. "Yeah, it's always fun the first day of school."

"Well yeah."

I shrugged. "So laney, anything new while I was gone?"

"I have a boyfriend." She smiled.

"Really?!"

"Yeah, his name is Zack and he's adorable. Ill introduce you to him and the rest of his friends, and kara." She smiled.

"Well okay." I laughed.

We both went downstairs to find my dad in his office, playing beats, writing lyrics, and what not. We both decided it was probably best to just leave him alone and went and sat at the dining room table. Laney was tied up in her phone and I looked out the window, smiling at the snow falling from the sky to the ground. December in Maryland was always beautiful. "Damn," Laney said. "Its like 9 already."

"Well im gonna go to bed." I pushed my chair back and stood up. I kissed laney on the cheek and walked upstairs to my room, I grabbed my notebook and my pen. This one i didn't title, instead I just wrote.

'I prefer strangers rather than familiar faces. As soon I become acquainted with someone, I realize that they are just human, like myself, like everyone else. And I find myself lost in my own thoughts because they are all that is constant. And I prefer constant. That consistency in my thoughts gives me comfort that no other human has been able to give me thus far. It has been months since I have had an intelligent conversation with anyone other than strangers I run into sometimes at the grocery store, or Blockbuster. It has been months since I have done anything worth mentioning and I hate saying that, or, I guess writing that. It burns my tongue and cuts my fingers open. A million little paper cuts, minus the paper. I hate saying that everyone is the same, but I have yet to find someone that is an exception to the statement. I hate saying that I hate everyone because I want to be fair. But ‘life is not fair,’ so, who says I have to be? I have the world at my fingertips but time keeps elapsing while I wait for my ticket to physically be in my hand, and my mind runs in circles, and squares. And my ideas could come out like diamonds if I’d let them, if I used my abilities more often. If anyone fucking utilized their abilities. We are all so brainless because we choose to be. Well, I’m not choosing to be, because I know I’m more than that. That’s a start, isn’t it?

I don’t want someone to rescue me, I will be alright. I will be happy again. But I can’t make time go by faster, and even if I could my mother taught me never to wish away time ‘it will be gone soon enough,’ she’ll say. And it will. And our bodies will become dirt and flowers will sprout from where our hearts once laid. Our brains will become nonexistent after maggots and earthworms tear through them and sweep out your skull like dustballs in an abandoned cottage. The only thing that could possibly prove your brains ever once existed, is that you utilized them. You recorded things down, somehow, that you left your mark while you existed on earth, somehow, that you knew in your final moment you would never really become nonexistent. Somehow. You will exist forever. If you choose to. Everything is a choice. And I will reiterate that phrase until the day I die.

And one day I believe I find comfort in someone. I will find comfort in knowing I did everything I could up until the day I couldn’t. I will have understood everything I recorded, even though no one else will because it was only mine to understand, it was only my life to live. I will live and you will live and we will live. And time will keep going. And we will be happy. One day, we’ll be happy again. And we may not even realize just how fucking happy we are…

but we’ll always realize how lucky we are. Because we utilized our mind, our one mind that held our infinite possibilities.'

I smiled and read over the writing, feeling content with it I shut the notebook, set it on the night stand and put the pen on top of it. I laid my head on my pillow and nearly imediately went to sleep.

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I woke up the next morning, around four. Which would probably give me enough time to do the things I needed to do. I showered then brushed my hair and curled it a little. Afterwards I put my clothes on then did my makeup. Once that was done I put on my clothes, I walked downstairs and watched cartoons on nikelodeon 'til it was time for me and Laney left. Before we left we walked into our dads office where he was sleeping, clearly. We both kissed him on the cheek and tip toed to the door. I smiled as we got outside and the snow crunched beneath my feet. I loved the sound of the snow, the smell, the taste, Hell, i loved the sight of snow. We got into Laney's car and an unfamiliar song by an unfamiliar band played. I smiled over at her as she belted out the lyrics the whole way to the school. We pulled into the student parking lot and i looked up at the school. It said "Dulaney High School" in big block letters. Laney laced her fingers with mine and pulled me on campus, over to a group of people, as soon as we got close she let go of my hand and ran over to one of the guys attacking him in a hug which was probably Zack, the one she was telling me about last night. I stood there awkwardly looking at my shoes while she greeted everyone standing there.

I looked up from my shoes when i heard laney say. "Oh, you guys! This is my sister haley!"

"Hi." I said quietly, waving.

They all smiled and waved back but turned their attention back to Laney, clearly I was unwanted, or whatever. I turned away and walked into the main building of the school and to the office.

They gave me a schedule also with my locker number and combination on it. I walked to my locker and opened it, then closed it again, then opened it. I do this a lot. Just mostly to get used to the locker, or whatever. Yes, Im sure it's the stupidest thing you've ever heard.

Some guy walked past me, wearing an eminem shirt and i hit my head on the locker. this was definitely going to be some year.

I looked up and saw a guy, the same that was hanging around laney and the rest of that group of people staring directly back at me. I quickly shifted my eyes to the inside of my empty locker and shut it, I clutched my bag to my side and hurried to my first class, even though the bell hadn't rung yet. I sat down in an empty seat in the front row and eventually Laney walked in and sat next to me. We made small talk but then the guy I had had eye contact with before sat down next to Laney. I opened the book and began to skin through the pages just so I didn't have to look at him. I don't know what it was about him that pushed me away, but there definitely was something.