Here Today, Gone Tomorrow

I woke up the next morning, a smile planted permanently on my face. I didn't know why, and I sort of didn't want to know why, But I was in a fantastic mood. After fixing myself up and finally feeling decent I grabbed my bag, my car keys and left. Another reason was probably 'cause I wouldn’t have to wait for Laney to get ready, forever. She was probably still in bed. So 'distraught' Zack didn't want to talk to her, hell, he didn't even want to look at her. But honestly, I couldn't blame him. Since Laney was obviously trying to whore herself out for Alex, using Zack so she could get closer. I sighed and pushed my bangs off to the side as I got out of my car and walked into the school. I shoved my bag in my locker and hurried to get to world history. Since we had a sub all it really was was a study hall and I could feel laney's eyes burning a hole in the side of my face. I bit my lip and started writing in hope that her eyes would soon enough leave my face, hopefully.

"Unspoken contests and other things that don’t make sense."

'In the trenches of the part of my brain that believes to be in love with masked faces, I swallow them back like pills. I love my pills because I loathe my ongoing instability, they aid me, they treat me well, like a bandage wrapped over my deepest wounds. I love those masked faces because they are who my mind wants them to be. I romanticize the beauty in humans I interact with, because I romanticize human nature as a whole. Though I am completely aware of the general characteristics of humans I find it much more appealing to pretend that they, we, are great. This is one part of my brain. The other part asks “who are we?” “How do I know they are who they say?” “How do I believe anything that is emitted from another person?” Why do we lie? Why do people say one thing and mean another? Why do we laugh at things that are not funny? Why and what are we climbing? What are we fighting over all the time? We’re always fighting some kind of battle. With ourselves, with another. But who wins? No one.

No one wins.

Why doesn’t anyone realize that no one wins these insensible battles we keep fighting? No matter how much you believe you are victorious, you are not. You will only succeed if you live for you and you only. You will only succeed if you learn how to rise above the demons inside yourself, and discover what happiness is.

Happiness never comes searching for you. That’s half of our quiet battle. We’re angry, we’re so angry, because we don’t understand why happiness hasn’t found us. It never will. You and only you will be able to find it. You and only you, have the power to find it. Unfortunately, you and only you have the power to lose it, too. The other half of our battle—trying to ruin a good thing. No matter how much you doubt it, you deserve happiness. If you have it, hold on to it. If you don’t, find it and never let go.

Then and only then, you win.'

I looked up to see Laney was no longer looking at me, but now Alex. all awkward and seductive-like, i guess. I simply rolled my eyes at how utterly ridiculous Laney was acting. In all honesty, it was ridiculous. I sighed and shut my notebook and stuffed it in my backpack and once bell rang I hurried to art.

The day went by in a drag, the same thing happening over and over. Every time Alex even looked my way, Laney would burn thirty holes in my face. I threw the car keys on the kitchen counter and sighed as I looked through the refrigerator which had the same contents in it as it did when I left earlier that day.

"I can't get this fucking song right." I gasped and turned around to see my dad, his hands gripping the edge of the counter, a sigh escaping his lips. "Every beat and verse is just not right, off key."

"Dad maybe you should go lay down or something."

"Look, Haley," He stumbled over to me in a drunken like matter. "Your mother always said I would amount to nothing, my head was in the clouds and all this other bullshit so i see what you're trying to do." He pointed a finger in my face then started throwing things around, knocking plates, cups, anything he could possibly find to the floor.

"Dad stop it!" I cried, i tried to grab his arm but instead it came in full swing out to the bridge of my nose. He continued throwing things while i tried to keep my nosebleed under control but I suddenly felt, closed in, almost stuck, scared even.

I started to run through the kitchen and out of the front door, my nose still bleeding and the blood dripping on my shirt. I ran through multiple yards, covered in snow and even a few moms came out and yelled at me but I didn’t stop until I clashed into someone else standing in the middle of a yard I was running through.

"Sorry, sorry." I said quickly.

"Haley?"

I looked down at my shoes and simply nodded.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing Alex I really got to-"

"HALEY!" I saw a car slow down in front of Alex and I.

"Nathan?" I bit my lip.

"Hey little sis, where have you been?"

"At dads." I sighed.

"What happen to your-"

"Nothing." I said all too quickly.

"Well do you want a-"

"Uhm, no. I can um, I can walk home, actually."

Nathan nodded towards Alex, in a way of saying ‘who’s this guy'?

"Nathan, this is Alex my friend. Alex, this is Nathan, my half brother." They both did that awkward head nod that most guys do and then Nathan drove off, saying he’d see me around, or whatever.

“Sorry for bumping into you ill uhm, see you on Monday or something, okay?” I quickly turned around to leave but he grabbed my wrist and spun me around.

“What happened?” He whispered.

“Nothing, I-“

“Bullshit, Haley.”

“It’s.. sort of a long story.”

“I’ve got time.” He led me into his house and upstairs in the bathroom where I saat on the counter and he ran a towel under some cold water before wiping the dried blood from under my nose and off my hands. He gave me one of his sweatshirts to wear since mine had blood on it. After changing he led me to his room and I sat against edge of the bed on the floor with him next to me.

“So, what happened?”

“I don’t know, really. He started yelling and throwing things and after that it was just..”

He nodded.

It was silent for a while, an awkwardly comfortable silence. One I couldn’t explain. But whatever it was, it felt right.