Status: Active.
Here Today, Gone Tomorrow
Broken relationships
Dec. 23, 2005
Inhale. The power struggle between two humans in an intimate relationship: you are both stubborn, you fight, ignore each other. One gives in, and the other laughs to themselves in their victory. The feeble opponent sighs in defeat. Eventually this process continues until the one who always gives in decides to give up. You address this in your head in a single thought that goes something like this,sometimes it is necessary to give in, but it is not my turn to give in. So, I am giving up.You stick with that thought and avoid any other thoughts that would counteract the previously mentioned revelation. You must overcome this one, you think. Remain strong. Also see: remain ‘stubborn.’ If the other person does not interact as planned, take a deep breath. This is a good thing. You can now cross another inadequate relationship off from your list and bury it in the graveyard with the rest of the failed connections. Do not reminisce memories of the other, do not pass go or collect two-hundred dollars, and do not dwell on the number of years, months, weeks you have known about or spent with the other, just go. You win some, you lose some. This particular case, is a cat’s game. You have not won, you have not lost. You cannot win something you hardly had to fight for, you cannot lose something you never had. You can play a million games but nothing will wear you out as much as the games that are played silently and entirely in the mind. Exhale.
I curled my lips into my mouth and bit down on them, falling back onto my bed and sighing. Laney danced into my room, a box in her hands, she pranced happily and plopped down onto my bed.
"Im willing and ready to admit my wrongs and the things I have done wrong. What i did to zack, to you, to everyone. I mean, you can have alex if you-"
"Apology accepted." I cut her short on her 30 minute lecture about what shes done wrong. "Isnt dad leaving tonight?"
She nodded and sighed and we heard a door slam and a car pull away. Laney tried to brighten her mood and handed me the box.
"Merry christmas, Haley" She smiled. I untied the bow and unwrapped the box to reveala perfect pair of ballet flats, ones I had wanted forever. They had the most beautiful satin pink.
I gasped, "Laney.." I said softly.
"Don't even, hails, I owe you. And besides,I tought they might be better than that other old pair."
"Laney, these must have cost a fortune.. I mean, i rarely ever even dance anymore... I havent danced since I was 15."
"Why not?"
"It depends on the mood, I guess. I only really dance when Im truly happy."
She pouted slightly. "oh okay."
"But thank you, really. These are amazing."
She smiled and I thanked her with a hug. "Can i offer you a little bit of.. advice?"
""Ugh, advice from my little sister." I scoffed playfully.
She laughed and rolled her eyes. "I know how you are with alex.. really really closed off. and I know why because of.. well the thing. But haley, don't let this incident, or him, ruin anything for you. Alex is truly a good guy, one of the best friends Ive ever known. And hes trying so hard with you, I can see it, I can."
"Are you suggesting I talk to him?" I joked
"Obviously."
"Alright then I will, you know, starting after winter break."
"Starting tonight casue i invited zack over cause I have to talk to him and Alex is gonna occupy you in the meantime."
"Are you serious or.."
"Im serious."
The doorbell ring and Laney ran downstairs and I looked at myself in the closet mirror, taking my hair out of the bun and ruffling out... might as well look presentable.
I bit my lips and walked down to the kitchen through the foyer, trying to make myself unnoticed at first. I started fumbling around with the food, making myself some ice cream watching while Laney and Zack talked about something next to the christmas tree me and laney had poorly put up. I saw alex making his way itno the kitchen and I quickly turned back to the ice cream.
"So," He started, standing next to me, his back pressed against the counter "I was thinking you could be my partner in art for like, ever."
"You're in my art class?" He looked atme in pretend shock.
"I sit right behind you."
"Oops sorry i never noticed." I giggled and looked up at him.
"Oh whatever."he scoffed.
The night continued with small talk between Alex and I, jokes here and there.
"Zack wait just-"
"Just what? Here you out? Here what? The fact that you're in love with my best friend and didnt even have the balls to tell me?"
I felt myself shaking at them screaming back and forth. I hated fighting, absolutely hated it. It scared me everytime and I never liked it. I quickly walked out of the house and sat in my car, my hands on the wheel. I sat my hands in my lap, locking my fingers together, the way my parents used to, when they were happy. Then tore them apart like my mom would to my dad when they started fighting. I did this over and over, back and forth and sighed trying to calm myself down. Once i had convinced myself I was calm and just acting crazy, i walked back in but this time through the kicthen to the foyer and upstairs,being sure not to be seen by alex, zack and Laney while they sorted whatever they were sorting out. I shut my door quietly and sighed, falling back onto my bed.I started twirling strands of my hair around my finger and heard alex calling my name, clearly looking for me. I curled my lips back into my mouth and bit down on them before making an awkward horse sound with my mouth and laughing at myself. Alex poked his head in the doorway and looked over at me and I sat up, looking at him with a small smile.
"Are you okay or.."
"I will be."
"Oh, okay well are you coming back down?"
"Probably not. I'm pretty tired, so i think I'll just go to bed."
"Alright." He shut the door behind him and I laid down pulling the covers over me, feeling more excited about hopefully seeing alex the next day than i probably should have.
Inhale. The power struggle between two humans in an intimate relationship: you are both stubborn, you fight, ignore each other. One gives in, and the other laughs to themselves in their victory. The feeble opponent sighs in defeat. Eventually this process continues until the one who always gives in decides to give up. You address this in your head in a single thought that goes something like this,sometimes it is necessary to give in, but it is not my turn to give in. So, I am giving up.You stick with that thought and avoid any other thoughts that would counteract the previously mentioned revelation. You must overcome this one, you think. Remain strong. Also see: remain ‘stubborn.’ If the other person does not interact as planned, take a deep breath. This is a good thing. You can now cross another inadequate relationship off from your list and bury it in the graveyard with the rest of the failed connections. Do not reminisce memories of the other, do not pass go or collect two-hundred dollars, and do not dwell on the number of years, months, weeks you have known about or spent with the other, just go. You win some, you lose some. This particular case, is a cat’s game. You have not won, you have not lost. You cannot win something you hardly had to fight for, you cannot lose something you never had. You can play a million games but nothing will wear you out as much as the games that are played silently and entirely in the mind. Exhale.
I curled my lips into my mouth and bit down on them, falling back onto my bed and sighing. Laney danced into my room, a box in her hands, she pranced happily and plopped down onto my bed.
"Im willing and ready to admit my wrongs and the things I have done wrong. What i did to zack, to you, to everyone. I mean, you can have alex if you-"
"Apology accepted." I cut her short on her 30 minute lecture about what shes done wrong. "Isnt dad leaving tonight?"
She nodded and sighed and we heard a door slam and a car pull away. Laney tried to brighten her mood and handed me the box.
"Merry christmas, Haley" She smiled. I untied the bow and unwrapped the box to reveala perfect pair of ballet flats, ones I had wanted forever. They had the most beautiful satin pink.
I gasped, "Laney.." I said softly.
"Don't even, hails, I owe you. And besides,I tought they might be better than that other old pair."
"Laney, these must have cost a fortune.. I mean, i rarely ever even dance anymore... I havent danced since I was 15."
"Why not?"
"It depends on the mood, I guess. I only really dance when Im truly happy."
She pouted slightly. "oh okay."
"But thank you, really. These are amazing."
She smiled and I thanked her with a hug. "Can i offer you a little bit of.. advice?"
""Ugh, advice from my little sister." I scoffed playfully.
She laughed and rolled her eyes. "I know how you are with alex.. really really closed off. and I know why because of.. well the thing. But haley, don't let this incident, or him, ruin anything for you. Alex is truly a good guy, one of the best friends Ive ever known. And hes trying so hard with you, I can see it, I can."
"Are you suggesting I talk to him?" I joked
"Obviously."
"Alright then I will, you know, starting after winter break."
"Starting tonight casue i invited zack over cause I have to talk to him and Alex is gonna occupy you in the meantime."
"Are you serious or.."
"Im serious."
The doorbell ring and Laney ran downstairs and I looked at myself in the closet mirror, taking my hair out of the bun and ruffling out... might as well look presentable.
I bit my lips and walked down to the kitchen through the foyer, trying to make myself unnoticed at first. I started fumbling around with the food, making myself some ice cream watching while Laney and Zack talked about something next to the christmas tree me and laney had poorly put up. I saw alex making his way itno the kitchen and I quickly turned back to the ice cream.
"So," He started, standing next to me, his back pressed against the counter "I was thinking you could be my partner in art for like, ever."
"You're in my art class?" He looked atme in pretend shock.
"I sit right behind you."
"Oops sorry i never noticed." I giggled and looked up at him.
"Oh whatever."he scoffed.
The night continued with small talk between Alex and I, jokes here and there.
"Zack wait just-"
"Just what? Here you out? Here what? The fact that you're in love with my best friend and didnt even have the balls to tell me?"
I felt myself shaking at them screaming back and forth. I hated fighting, absolutely hated it. It scared me everytime and I never liked it. I quickly walked out of the house and sat in my car, my hands on the wheel. I sat my hands in my lap, locking my fingers together, the way my parents used to, when they were happy. Then tore them apart like my mom would to my dad when they started fighting. I did this over and over, back and forth and sighed trying to calm myself down. Once i had convinced myself I was calm and just acting crazy, i walked back in but this time through the kicthen to the foyer and upstairs,being sure not to be seen by alex, zack and Laney while they sorted whatever they were sorting out. I shut my door quietly and sighed, falling back onto my bed.I started twirling strands of my hair around my finger and heard alex calling my name, clearly looking for me. I curled my lips back into my mouth and bit down on them before making an awkward horse sound with my mouth and laughing at myself. Alex poked his head in the doorway and looked over at me and I sat up, looking at him with a small smile.
"Are you okay or.."
"I will be."
"Oh, okay well are you coming back down?"
"Probably not. I'm pretty tired, so i think I'll just go to bed."
"Alright." He shut the door behind him and I laid down pulling the covers over me, feeling more excited about hopefully seeing alex the next day than i probably should have.