Lost At Sea
one/one
I’m like a soldier, guarding his post with intense observation. I’m like a cat, stalking, and watching her prey. I’m like an owl, waiting for the sun to set. I’m like a desert, yearning for the rain to come. I suppose I’m like a lot of thing, but I’m only like them, nothing more. I’m not trained like a soldier. I’m not stealthy like a cat. I’m not peaceful like an owl, and I’m not vast like a desert.
I’m not any of those things, but this is what I am. I’m a twenty two year old girl with long dirty blonde hair and dull brown eyes. I have a fear of being alone; I have more insecurities than you could count. I am awkward, clumsy, shy, and broken. The strangest part is that, for a time, I wasn’t this fragile creature, I used to be strong. I had never fit in, but he made me want to stand out. He had brought out in me this strong, outgoing, vivacious girl who had a love for life.
Andrew managed to bring out the most beautiful part of me, if only I could have done the same. Maybe I took too much, maybe I didn’t care enough, love enough, support him enough. With each wave that washed over my feet, a new thought came to mind. A plethora of ‘what if’ statements ran through my mind, different scenarios burst through my subconscious.
I pleaded with myself, begging my mind to stop speculating, stop wondering. In the early morning light, I stared out at the ocean, the most powerful piece of nature, deadly yet beautiful. The ocean was a fascinating contradiction; nothing so lovely should be so cruel. My life had been spent on the coast, and I could recall everything I had ever lost to the ocean. Bracelets, necklaces, trinkets, and valuables, all of these things had been swept up by the current. Loved things, loved ones. But then again, the ocean had given me so much.
It gave me memories, laughter, smiles, it even gave me Andrew. He was like a perfectly crafted pearl, dug up from the depth of the ocean and planted right into the palm of my hand. His eyes were the color of the sea, his hair the color of the sand, he was my buried treasure. He was put together, smooth, beautiful; I was the one with jagged edges.
He sculpted me though. He rubbed sand on the edges, and sometimes it hurt, but for once in my life I was smooth. I was becoming like him, I was becoming his masterpiece. We spent countless hours on this beach, our toes buried deep in the sand. We would talk about everything, blocking out the whole world around us. It was always just us two. Andrew and I, in the presence of the ocean, that was the way it should be.
So here I stand, waiting for Andrew to return to me. This was our spot; he would know where to find me. My stomach clenched with hunger, but I couldn’t leave. What if Andrew came and didn’t find me here? I would never forgive myself if I let him get away. It was such a stupid fight too.
We were sitting at the beach in the late evening, no one was around, it was just us. It was perfect, the sun had just set, yet neither of us moved. The words slipped from his mouth with no hesitation, I’m leaving next week. He was going to graduate school, he had mentioned it before, but I never thought he would ever leave me. My heart had begun racing, tears building in my eyes. I knew I was overreacting, but I couldn’t help myself. We began arguing, I was pleading with him to stay. He stormed off, but not after agreeing he would stay.
He would never leave me, he loved me, I was his jagged masterpiece and he was my beautiful pearl. I sighed, wondering when he would come back. I looked down at my thin shirt, noticing a stain right under my breasts. It was large and round, I thought back, not remembering what I spilled on it. I knelt down into the water, splashing it onto the large stain. I couldn’t let Andrew see me so disheveled. I stood back up, rubbing the stain viciously, but it wouldn’t come out. I dropped my arms, giving up on that and focusing my attention back at the ocean.
I suddenly felt someone next to me. I looked to my right, a smile breaking out on my face. There he was, my pearl, my gem, my gift straight from the ocean. I jogged over to him and looked down at his beautiful face. I knelt down, and gently stroked his face. “I love you,” I whispered, and a smile came to my face.
He was here with me now, and he would never leave. No one could take my treasure away from me, no one had that kind of power. I sat down flat and pulled his head into my chest. It was strange, but his head fit the red spot on my shirt perfectly. “What did you do?” I asked him as I ran my fingers through his hair, “Silly boy, always getting hurt,” I giggled as I moved hair to cover the missing piece of his skull.
I rocked him back and forth, humming a tune to myself. I mentally thanked the ocean for this wonderful man in my arm, for giving me the best thing in my life. I closed my eyes and listened to the waves, which were soon accompanied by the sound of sirens.
I’m not any of those things, but this is what I am. I’m a twenty two year old girl with long dirty blonde hair and dull brown eyes. I have a fear of being alone; I have more insecurities than you could count. I am awkward, clumsy, shy, and broken. The strangest part is that, for a time, I wasn’t this fragile creature, I used to be strong. I had never fit in, but he made me want to stand out. He had brought out in me this strong, outgoing, vivacious girl who had a love for life.
Andrew managed to bring out the most beautiful part of me, if only I could have done the same. Maybe I took too much, maybe I didn’t care enough, love enough, support him enough. With each wave that washed over my feet, a new thought came to mind. A plethora of ‘what if’ statements ran through my mind, different scenarios burst through my subconscious.
I pleaded with myself, begging my mind to stop speculating, stop wondering. In the early morning light, I stared out at the ocean, the most powerful piece of nature, deadly yet beautiful. The ocean was a fascinating contradiction; nothing so lovely should be so cruel. My life had been spent on the coast, and I could recall everything I had ever lost to the ocean. Bracelets, necklaces, trinkets, and valuables, all of these things had been swept up by the current. Loved things, loved ones. But then again, the ocean had given me so much.
It gave me memories, laughter, smiles, it even gave me Andrew. He was like a perfectly crafted pearl, dug up from the depth of the ocean and planted right into the palm of my hand. His eyes were the color of the sea, his hair the color of the sand, he was my buried treasure. He was put together, smooth, beautiful; I was the one with jagged edges.
He sculpted me though. He rubbed sand on the edges, and sometimes it hurt, but for once in my life I was smooth. I was becoming like him, I was becoming his masterpiece. We spent countless hours on this beach, our toes buried deep in the sand. We would talk about everything, blocking out the whole world around us. It was always just us two. Andrew and I, in the presence of the ocean, that was the way it should be.
So here I stand, waiting for Andrew to return to me. This was our spot; he would know where to find me. My stomach clenched with hunger, but I couldn’t leave. What if Andrew came and didn’t find me here? I would never forgive myself if I let him get away. It was such a stupid fight too.
We were sitting at the beach in the late evening, no one was around, it was just us. It was perfect, the sun had just set, yet neither of us moved. The words slipped from his mouth with no hesitation, I’m leaving next week. He was going to graduate school, he had mentioned it before, but I never thought he would ever leave me. My heart had begun racing, tears building in my eyes. I knew I was overreacting, but I couldn’t help myself. We began arguing, I was pleading with him to stay. He stormed off, but not after agreeing he would stay.
He would never leave me, he loved me, I was his jagged masterpiece and he was my beautiful pearl. I sighed, wondering when he would come back. I looked down at my thin shirt, noticing a stain right under my breasts. It was large and round, I thought back, not remembering what I spilled on it. I knelt down into the water, splashing it onto the large stain. I couldn’t let Andrew see me so disheveled. I stood back up, rubbing the stain viciously, but it wouldn’t come out. I dropped my arms, giving up on that and focusing my attention back at the ocean.
I suddenly felt someone next to me. I looked to my right, a smile breaking out on my face. There he was, my pearl, my gem, my gift straight from the ocean. I jogged over to him and looked down at his beautiful face. I knelt down, and gently stroked his face. “I love you,” I whispered, and a smile came to my face.
He was here with me now, and he would never leave. No one could take my treasure away from me, no one had that kind of power. I sat down flat and pulled his head into my chest. It was strange, but his head fit the red spot on my shirt perfectly. “What did you do?” I asked him as I ran my fingers through his hair, “Silly boy, always getting hurt,” I giggled as I moved hair to cover the missing piece of his skull.
I rocked him back and forth, humming a tune to myself. I mentally thanked the ocean for this wonderful man in my arm, for giving me the best thing in my life. I closed my eyes and listened to the waves, which were soon accompanied by the sound of sirens.