Picking Up the Pieces

I sat on the edge of the unfamiliar bed of the New Jersey apartment, and I felt the tears welling up in my eyes once again. I fought them off as hard as I could, but as they spilled forth I knew that I had lost the battle once more. It had been three days since Marc and I moved into the apartment, and I was unpacking when I found one of Sidney’s sweatshirts tucked in with my clothes. I pressed the sweatshirt to my nose, and it still smelled like him; vanilla, ice, and Old Spice. That caused the tears to flow even more freely, and I once again resisted the temptation to pick up my phone and call Sidney…to beg him to forgive me for being so stupid. I heard Marc shuffling around outside my bedroom, and I knew that he knew I was crying again. Almost as if on cue, he knocked on the door.

“Can I come in?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I muttered, wiping my eyes quickly and tossing the sweatshirt onto the ground on the side of the bed opposite the door. I prayed that he wouldn’t see it.

“You’ve been crying again,” Marc said point blank, staring right into my eyes. I felt my lower lip tremble, and I nodded before allowing him to pull me into his chest. His own unique scent immediately whisked the smell of Sidney away from me, and I began to relax as I breathed in the smell of pine trees, cinnamon, and mint. Marc’s heart thumped against his chest slowly, making me painfully aware that this really wasn’t a bad dream.

“I know,” is all I managed to mutter. Marc’s hands smoothed out my hair, and he hugged me again tightly. I felt my eyelids growing heavy as he rocked me back and forth, and I slowly fell asleep in his arms.

^^^^^^

It was depressing, really, how she couldn’t fall asleep unless I was holding her. In a way, I felt like I was taking advantage of her. There was the side of me that wanted to tell her that I could be the man that Crosby never was, but at the same time, there was the other side of me that wanted nothing more than to reunite two of my best friends. So as I closed the door to her bedroom, I sighed heavily and pulled out my phone.

“Hey Crosby,” I muttered after he picked up.

“What’s up Marc?” Sidney asked, and I could tell by the crack in his voice that he hadn’t been resisting the water works either.

“I was wondering how you were doing…” I said quietly.

“Not too well to be completely honest with you,” Sidney sighed, and I cringed.

“Oh…” I said, not really able to find other words.

“How is she? Is she happier now?” Sidney asked, and I glanced at her closed bedroom door before sighing heavily once more. Alice didn’t know that I was still talking to Sidney, and I didn’t want her to find out any time soon.

“Did you really think she’d be happy after all of what’s happened? She cries herself to sleep every night, and she can’t even fall asleep unless I’m there hugging her,” I said quietly.

“Are you being serious right now?” Sidney asked, and I sighed once more.

“I’m one hundred percent serious Sidney. She’s miserable. Some days I can hardly convince her to get out of bed and eat,” I said, and I wasn’t being dramatic. The flight out of Pittsburgh was the first time Alice had left our apartment in four days, and she hadn’t left the apartment in Newark since we moved in. Her skin was becoming sallow from the lack of sunlight, and her appearance, while still pretty, was deteriorating every day. I wanted nothing more than to whisk her away to a doctor’s office, but she refused.

“Well…I’m glad Evgeni isn’t the only one having trouble then,” Sidney sighed heavily.

“Don’t tell me you’re letting yourself fall apart. Sidney, it’ll only kill her more,” I croaked quietly.

“I have to go,” Sidney said, and the line went flat. For what seemed like the millionth time today, I sighed. I called Evgeni next, who confirmed the fact that Sidney was in bad shape. Except for the mandatory team workouts, he was doing next to nothing. Geno managed to get him to work out when they were together, but Sidney was having trouble coping with the fact that Alice was gone.

^^^^^^

When I woke up, it was dark out, and there was a note taped to the inside of my bedroom door.

Alice,

I’ve gone out to get a few things from the store. There’s some dinner in the fridge. Please eat it. You’re not looking too well. It would mean a lot to me if you did.

Marc

I groaned inwardly at the thought of eating, but I walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge. Inside was a container of General Tso’s chicken, one of my favorite foods. I smiled half heartedly and popped the now cold Chinese food into the microwave. By the time I finished choking it down, Marc was opening the front door. He had two bags of groceries in his arms, and I quickly went over to help him unpack them.

“It’s nice to see you out of bed,” Marc said sadly.

“I’m sorry Marc…” I said. Apologizing was all I seemed to be able to do lately. Marc simply put down the jar of peanut butter in his hands and pulled me into a tight hug. I was surprised, but I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him back just as tightly.

“Don’t you ever apologize for something that isn’t your fault Alice,” Marc whispered into my hair. I smiled softly, and realized with a start that it was my first genuine smile in weeks. A small giggle escaped my lips, and Marc pulled me back to stare at me.

“Did you just laugh?” he asked. I nodded and the giggles came pouring out now. His face was priceless, which made me laugh even harder.

“Merci beaucoup Seigneur!(thank you so much God)” he beamed before hugging me tightly once again.