Don't Go

The way he was lying in bed, you could barely see the rise and fall of his chest as he took in air. The only indication of him even being alive was the sound of his occasionally shallow breaths, which echoed in the silence and lingered until the next one came. He was fragile - incredibly so - and you could tell the moment you stepped foot in his apartment. The silence was so loud it hurt your ears.

“Oliver,” she called as she unlatched the front door and walked inside. She was greeted with silence, and without another word she opened the bedroom door to find Oliver curled up on his side, his back facing her, the covers pulled up to his chin and the television on mute, displaying a random news broadcast, the anchor’s mouth moving with no information coming out of it.

“Why is this still on? It’s the same channel as it was when I left last time. Have you not turned it off since then?” she asked, pressing the power button on it. The room went dark.

“Don’t,” Oliver croaked, clearing his throat. “Leave it on. Please, Tess.”

“What’s the point if the volume’s turned all the way down?” Tessa said to him, turning it back on nonetheless.

"I don't like the dark." Oliver mumbled, rubbing his sore eyes with his fist. He looked like a child, curled in on himself, tucked into his bed, claiming to be afraid of the dark. She wanted to just leave, although she knew if she did he'd probably starve himself to death or jump out of the window or something terrible like that.

"I brought you some pasta, I hope it's alright because it's really all I could find." she told him, removing items from the plastic grocery bag she'd been holding. She put a container on the bedside table, and a fork wrapped in a napkin. "You don't have to eat now, you can wait until I leave, but I expect it to be gone when I'm back tomorrow. I have a few bottles of water, too. Drink it all, okay?"

Oliver looked up at her through his eyelashes and nodded subtly. Tessa helped him sit up, taking a seat beside him and forcing the occasional smile as she spoke to him, telling him things like the fact that the sun had been shining for days, and that he should open the blinds or go for a walk. Even though she'd give anything to be somewhere else, with somebody else, and she didn't care whether or not he went for a walk or opened the blinds. She was just following through on something she said she'd do - and that was to keep Oliver alive.

The accident had only happened just over six months earlier. It was still fresh, still painful to think about, still vivid in Oliver's and Tessa's memories. It's what kept Oliver up at night, screaming and writhing in bed, and what kept Tessa coming back every day, instead of leaving town and starting over. It was the guilt that added pressure to his days, and the sadness that made sure she didn't forget any time soon.

"Have you been walking around on your own time? Just around the apartment and whatnot?" Tessa asked as she stood once again, pacing to the other side of the room and sitting on the window sill, where a small amount of light shone through the gap between the ledge and the blinds.

"Not really. I've been sore, and tired." Oliver answered quietly, his voice grainy and hoarse.

"Doctor's orders, Oli. You have to start exercising, no matter how hard it is." she told him, like she'd tell a child if they were same position.

"I know. You tell me every time."

"Then perhaps you should start listening."

Tessa's tone of voice made Oliver stop. He looked up at her from where he sat. Without noticing it at first, his eyes subtly filled with tears, and he looked down to blink them away. He was fragile - this was true - but he wasn't ever one to cry. Only Tessa was able to wear him down to that point, only she had that power behind her voice and that latent sadness in her eyes that could reduce Oliver to tears. And he didn't like that, not one bit.

"Oh, please, Oliver. Get a hold of yourself. You're a grown man, for God's sake." Tess told him, her tone not changing much. He glanced at her angrily, feeling his teeth clench slightly.

"I think I'm entitled to a few moments of weakness, considering my position." Oli shot back, pointing to his lap, then motioning to the rest of the room. "I think I fucking deserve to act like a child every now and then."

"Every now and then? Are you kidding, Oliver? For the past six months I've been picking up after you and taking care of you like a fucking maid, and you haven't shown any gratitude or made any effort to help me out. You call that acting grown-up? You've been acting like a kid since you and Tom -"

"Don't bring him into this! I've had just as hard of a time with this as you, so don't act like you're the only one suffering."

The room went quiet. Tessa stood near the window, Oliver sat in his bed, tears in his eyes and dripping down his cheeks. The two stared at each other for quite a while. After a moment, Oli backed down, leaning against his pillows and covering his face. Tessa didn't feel guilty, but proud that she had finally won.

"Are you ever going to forgive me?" Oliver whispered, wiping at his cheeks.

Tessa walked to the foot of the bed, put on her coat and gathered her things. She looked at him, almost thoughtfully, and shook her head. "No. I can't. You killed him, Oli. You were drunk and stupid and you killed the love of my life, your brother. You got behind the wheel of a car, and you killed Tom, and almost killed yourself. I can't ever forget that."

Oli nodded tearfully, sighing and sniffling. "I'm so sorry." he whispered again.

Tessa nodded. "I should go." she said quietly, hitching the bag up on her shoulders as she walked out of Oliver's room.

"No, wait, Tess." Oli fumbled, shaking his head. "Tessa, don't leave. Wait, Tess! Tessa, don't fucking leave me here! Don't fucking leave me here alone, fuck, Tessa, please!" he cried, pushing away the blankets and swinging his sore legs over the side of the bed. As he stood up shakily, he heard her footsteps going down the hallway. "Tessa! Don't fucking go! Please, Tess!"

He didn't know why he was so keen on having her around all of a sudden. He didn't know why he was hobbling through his apartment, despite the spinal chord injury he suffered during the car crash. All he knew was that he was going after her, screaming and crying and ignoring the pain that shot up his back and he limped down the hall and out the door, still shouting her name.

He put his hand on the wall beside him for support, nails digging into it as he collapsed by the door, letting out one last yell, one more cry for help.

Tessa turned around then. She wasn't able to ignore him anymore, and she certainly wasn't able to look at him without running over and helping him up. She kept a firm grip on his arms, keeping him stood up with some difficulty. Oliver pressed his body against the wall for support, breathing heavily.

"I know I messed up. But I've seen things that nobody ever should, and I've got that on my shoulders forever." he said. "But these demons are going to win, because I can't fight them like this. I can't win alone."

Tessa bit her lip, still steadying him with her small hands.

"I need you, and you need me. You know that." he whispered.

She stared at him, taking in what he was saying.

"Don't go."