Salvation

I was sat on my bed when Frank called out. I was surprised; I didn’t think he would be talking to me yet. I shouted back out to him and waited for him to join me, twisting my fingers around each other apprehensively. He lingered in the doorway when he saw me sat on my bed. I bit my lip shyly.

“Frank –” He smiled slightly and came to sit in front of me.

“Yes?”

“I – I’m really sorry for what I said, and I’m sorry that it’s taken me this long to say this. I should never have said what I did, especially when I knew you were right and it was unjustified. Could you possibly forgive me?”

“Of course I’m going to forgive you Gerard, I –“ He suddenly stopped talking, as if he had been accidently about to say something he didn’t want me to hear. It made me curious.

“Thank you Frank”

“Gerard, tell me something…what do you think about love?” He suddenly asked. His question seemed so random that it threw me a little.

“Um…I don’t know. I guess…I guess I’m sceptical that it exists, I mean, my father can’t have loved us if he left us when I was so young, and my relationship with my mother wasn’t bad but it was superficial, and I’ve only had a girlfriend for a week but I don’t know. I guess the only love I believe in is God’s love.” Frank looked at me with an expression I could only describe as devastated, his eyes wide, before he leaned forward, placing one hand on the back of my neck, kissing me softly. His hand slipped down to my waist as he tried to pull away but my own hands went without my permission to his neck, holding him there. My lips parted slightly and his tongue slipped into my mouth. He used his hand on my waist to pull me closer to him, the other resting on my chest.

And that was where we stayed for a good while, just sitting and kissing. There was a part of my brain that was demanding I stop him and push him away, but the feel of his soft lips against mine, the heat from his small hands radiating through my shirt, setting my skin in fire, cut the connections from the demanding part of my brain to my body and the commands were useless.

It was him that finally pulled away, he smiled sadly, the back of his hand running down my cheek,

“Gerard? 1 Corinthians 13:1-8 ‘I may be able to speak the languages of human beings and even of angels, but if I have no love, my speech is no more than a noisy gong or a clanging bell. I may have the gift of inspired preaching; I may have all knowledge and understand all secrets; I may have faith needed to move mountains – but if I have no love, I am nothing. I may give away everything I have, and even give up my body to boast or to be burnt – but if I have no love, this does me no good.

Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and it’s faith, hope and patience never fail. Love is eternal.’” He kissed me once more before he stood up and left. I also stood, my legs slightly shaky and my thoughts confused. Why had he recited that passage to me? Why did he seemed so concerned with my lack of belief in love?

As I slowly made my way downstairs and entered the kitchen and began to prepare for that evening, certain phrases flew around my mind.

I may have faith needed to move mountains – but if I have no love, I am nothing.

Love never gives up.

Love is eternal.

But why? Why were they all I could think about besides Frank’s lips on mine and the heartbroken look in his eyes?

There was suddenly a knock on the front door and I hadn’t realized just how late it was. I prayed that Frank would stay in his room or if he did emerge then he would be reasonable and not…Frank. It was too late to tell him what was going on tonight.

I opened the door with a fake smile plastered across my face and welcomed in the Williams’ and the Shaw’s; they always car-pooled to our prayer meetings. More couples began arriving and they sat in my living room, eating my crisps and cakes as we waited for everyone to arrive. I began to relax as Frank still didn’t appear.

Soon, we were all sat in the living room in a circle and I had removed the food; we were ready to start.

“A quick announcement before we begin: Janet Barker decided to call her boys Roger and Martin. And the christening will be a week on today, and we are all invited." There was a collective ‘aww’ from around the circle. "Gerard?”

“Thank you Joyce,” I dimmed the lights and lit the candles in the centre, before taking my seat. Everyone joined hands and closed their eyes. “Let our first prayer to the Lord be for Janet’s young boys, that they grow up strong in the light of Christ and that their faith will always keep them on the right path. Lord in your mercy…”

“Hear our prayer.” Everyone murmured together. There was a moment of silence as everyone reflected on the prayer. Then next to me, Mrs Shaw spoke up.

“Let us pray to the Lord that all those practising a false faith, the Jews and the Muslims, will realize the error of their ways and convert to the one true faith so that they may know Jesus and the joy of God’s love and when God wills their life to be no more, they may reach paradise. Lord in your mercy…”

“Hear our prayer.”

“Lord, let us pray for the homosexuals. They might be disobeying your word, but without our help and our prayers, they will never understand their sins and cannot ever know you. Lord in your mercy…”

“Hear our prayer.” I prayed extra hard this time, I would have thought of Frank and all the sins we had committed together but I had found that that only got a positive reaction in my mind and that was definitely not what I wanted. Eventually my turn came around again.

“Lets us pray for all those facing temptations, that they remain strong and if they do drift from God’s path, that they seek reconciliation and that God would grant them forgiveness from their sins. Lord have mercy.”

“Hear our prayer.” I flinched slightly when my prayer reminded me that I had not confessed the sexual activity I had partaken in with Frank nearly exactly a week ago and I flinched again when I realized I didn’t want to.

I was distracted from my thoughts when instead of beginning the next prayer Sarah Shaw gave an small exclamation. My eyes opened in surprise and I found exactly the cause of her cry, my eyes widening; Frank was leaning against the wall, watching us in just in boxers, biting his lip ring with all his tattoos on show.

“Don’t let me interrupt you.” He grinned mischievously, “I wouldn’t want to get in the way of you judging everyone who doesn't believe what you do.” There was a collective gasp of shock and horror and a few of the group looked at me furiously.

“Frank!” I hissed angrily. “Bedroom, now!”

“Ooo, kinky bastard, trying to get me to do it while your little prejudice prayer group is here."

“Shut up! We need to talk!” I stood up and apologized profusely to the group, inwardly cringing at the gossip that would start up the second I left the room. I grabbed Frank’s wrist and half-dragged him up to my bedroom.

“You’re a bit eager aren’t you?”

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” I yelled as soon as the door was closed.

“Mind your language Gee, you wouldn’t want to end up there, right? Although, you might anyway since y’know, you got a blowjob off a guy before you were married. And you swore a hell of a lot as I did it. So how many sins is that? We’re looking at four, five sins?” I ignored his taunts and the way my heart jumped slightly when he called me Gee; something no one else did.

“How long were you standing there?”

“From the second you closed your eyes, I particularly liked that one guy’s, what was it? 'Lord let us pray for the homosexuals…'”

“What did you think you were doing standing there in your just your boxers?! Do you know what they’re going to think now?!”

“Why do you think I did it?” He asked, a playful glint in his eyes as he pushed me against the wall, easily as I wasn’t expecting it and began to suck at my neck, I tried to push him away but my heart wasn’t in it.

“Look, if you’re going to be downstairs then put some clothes on and keep your mouth shut.” He grazed his teeth over the place he had been sucking and I shivered involuntarily. How had he managed to do this to me again so quickly? Hadn’t I promised myself that I wouldn’t let him do this anymore?

“Of course Gerard.” There was something off in his voice.

“Frankie, what are you planning?” I asked suspiciously. He grinned and pecked me on the lips once before dropping onto his knees and getting my belt undone and my trousers down before I could react. “Frank! No!” I tried to push him away but he held my hands tightly to the wall. Using his teeth to pull down my boxers. He began to expertly suck me off and it took all my will power to keep my moans at low volume, remembering the prayer group that were gathered directly below us…

Suddenly he stopped and stood up, walking to the door.

“Wait! What are you…” Suddenly I realized his plan. “You bastard!” He grinned and giggled.

“Language Gerard! So, you can either go downstairs with your little problem in trousers that aren’t exactly loose so everyone will know we’ve been up to something up here or you can call me back to finish, but if you think I’ll ever let it go then you’re very wrong or you can deal with it yourself, which I’ve heard is a grave sin.”

“You little –!” He cut me off.

“I’m going to go and put some clothes on and talk to your friends while you make a decision.” He grinned, slipping out of the door before I could reply. I looked dumbfounded at the space where he had been.

Five minutes later I returned downstairs in tracksuit bottoms and a polar neck jumper, which he been a necessity after I furiously discovered the hickey he had given me. Frank was sat in the circle were I had been, flirting openly with Sarah Shaw, who was unashamedly flirting back, despite the livid glares her husband was giving her, but that was just the charm that Frank had. I was pretty sure he could have charmed the Queen of England into flirting back with him.

He looked impressed with my solutions to the two problems he had left me and how I had dealt with them without committing any further sins. I silently blessed the Lord for the loose comfortable trousers that I usually wore for evenings on my own just simply because they were so comfortable.

“I’m so sorry about my change of clothing, my cousin Frank here accidently split some red wine on me and you know what a devil it is to get out of clothes and everything else is in the wash. Shall we continue?” Frank recognized this as his cue to leave and winked at me as he passed me, I grabbed his wrist to stop and whispered briefly in his ear.

“This means war Frank Iero.”

“Big mistake Gerard, big mistake. Nice cover up, though I won’t deny that I wasn’t disappointed you didn’t call me back.” I leaned in even closer to his ear so that no one else in the room would have the possibility of hearing me. I was secretly pleased when he shivered slightly.

“Frank? Fuck off.” He laughed and left me to rejoin the circle, my body present but my thoughts a mile, or rather, a ceiling away.