Salvation

Sometimes I asked myself the dangerous question of, was I truly happy?

As I was stuck in the school run traffic out of Belleville, I found myself pondering this question once again, quiet classical music providing the perfect background music for my musings.

I had good and loving parents, whom I saw regularly. I had a very well paid job, which I loved to do, a big house and I was in no way struggling financially, and that was with regular charity donations.

Plus, I had my faith. I was almost certain that my faith made me truly happy. It was supposed to. Especially when you threw yourself into it with as much force as I did. But we are by nature, creatures of doubt and this was one of those moments here I doubted that faith was enough in my life.

I knew exactly what I was missing. It was the part that made the soul complete; part of someone else’s soul. I was missing my soul mate.

And the fact remained that I was creeping closer to thirty with every passing second and I was still no closer to finding the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and have a family with. I wondered if it had something to do with just waiting for God to lead me to the right woman or if I should begin searching. No, I had to put my trust in God. He would lead me to my soul mate.

Frank suddenly, and inexplicably, flashed into my mind. It was a memory of him that I didn’t like, there was pain and fear in his warm brown eyes at the possibility that he might be one of the poor souls struck down by the horrific disease that had claimed so many lives. But if that was God’s will, then there was nothing Frank could do.

I pulled into the car park of the Catholic school on the outskirts of town. I had had a call from the receptionist the afternoon before. One of the religious education teachers had asked me to come in and talk to his class about vocation, since I was a doctor. I had asked the name of said teacher but had been told rather usually and in a rather unclear manner that it was both not decided and that it was not important.

I thought it was slightly unusual that a Catholic school was asking an Evangelical Protestant to give a talk but I figured that since most Christians have the same belief on vocation, it didn’t really matter.

It was five minutes to nine, I had to hurry if I was going to get to the lesson on time. I got directions from reception and hurried though crowds of teenagers walking to their first lessons. I got lost three times and by the time I found the classroom I was looking for, the corridors were empty.

The door was slightly ajar and as I paused outside, a scarily familiar voice drifted through.

“James, if you make that noise one more time, I’ll have your ass in detention faster than you can say armpit farts!”

“Sorry sir,” I heard the student reply sheepishly.

“Yeah, you should be,” that all too recognizable teasing tone replied. There was laughter from around the classroom. I wanted to run a mile and not look back once. My arm reacted before my legs could and I reached out to knock lightly on the door.

After a few more instructions to his class, Frank Iero’s baby-face appeared and he ushered me into the classroom.

“Right, I want everyone to work on the recap sheet for five or ten minutes and then we’re going to hear from Doctor Way.” He called out before he turned excitedly to me.

“You’re the religious education teacher who asked me in?!” I exclaimed quietly so that only Frank could hear me, with my back to the intrigued teenagers.

“Yep,” Frank stated simply, with his trademark smile, as he sat behind his desk and began organizing some papers, not looking at me. I leant over to the desk so he could here me without me raising my voice any more than I needed to.

“You’re religious?! You’re…” His eyebrows shot up as I trailed off.

“What am I Gerard?” he teased. “Yeah, I was raised a Catholic, still am, don’t go to church that often though.”

“How did you get a teaching job with…?” I gestured to my arms in my speechlessness in the hopes he would get me point. I was pretty sure my eyes were still bulging out of my skull.

“I went to this school, it’s the same headmaster so he knows and trusts me. Plus…” he gestured to his long sleeved jumper and the small studs instead of the loops I had seen him with before through the flesh of his lip and nose. “And the kids don’t really mind if I have tattoos and piercings, I’m still their favourite teacher.” He winked playfully at a girl in the front row who laughed at him.

“What do I say?” I suddenly panicked; I had always been afraid of talking in front of the class because I was such an outcast and I usually got made fun of. It was a fear that had stuck with me. Frank studied me for a minute.

“Just relax, breathe. I need you to be honest with these kids. They need to here the truth about vocation because I know just from looking at you doing your job that that is what it was. I need you to tell them not to be afraid of a calling from God. My lessons are just about passing an exam but about learning to be comfortable in how and what they believe and they’re more likely to believe that it will be okay if it comes from an outside source.” I followed his instruction and breathed deeply before nodding at him. He smiled encouragingly as he had to his boyfriend in my office, two weeks previously.

“Ok,” everything that he had said made sense and made me a little calmer, and I was a grown-up now; I didn’t have to be afraid anymore.

“Ready?” he asked, I nodded again and he squeezed the top of my arm comfortingly as he walked around his desk.

“Frank –” He turned around again at my small call but I faltered and chickened out, he smiled again.

“Class, this is Doctor way, he’s going to talk a bit about his vocation to medicine this lesson and then in tomorrow’s lesson, we’re going to go over what the Catholic Church says about vocation. Listen hard and quietly, I want to impress him cause I’m trying to get in his pants.” I felt myself blush and my eyes grow wide. He turned around to wink at me, a twinkle in his impish eyes, joining in the laugher from the students at my expression. “Calm down Gerard, I’m just kidding. You guys can ask him some questions when he’s done.” Frank gave me the nod to go and went to sit behind his desk again but I paused and gripped his arm as he passed me, stopping him.

“Frank, lunch?” I asked quietly.

“It’s the time of the day when you usually eat your second meal.” He told me back, equally as quietly, the volume and his serious tone only adding to the teasing nature of the comment.

“You knew what I meant.”

“I’d love to go to lunch with you Gerard, I think it could be a very…interesting experience.”

“It’s not anything like a date Frank, I just need to understand you.”

“Your words not mine,” he said with a smirk. I scowled at him, letting him go and finally turning to the class to begin my talk.