Salvation

“Why did you talk to me that first morning? If you’re an RE teacher and religious yourself then you must have known what I was doing. And you’re…one of them, so it’s not like you wanted to join in.” Frank studied me in silence for a minute after my question.

“It’s not important,” he finally shrugged and took another mouthful of pasta. I did the same, watching him.

“Tell me Frank, I need to know.”

“It doesn’t matter!” I could tell there was something that he was keeping from me but I didn’t think I was going to get an answer any time soon.

“Fine. How can you be Catholic and…” I trailed off, looking to the base of my glass through my drink, hoping that I could find some of my usual confidence that disappeared whenever I talked to the strange man that had bomb-shelled into my life.

“You know Gerard, you can say the word gay in a sentence that doesn’t condemn us and demand that we repent without being smited. The word isn’t a sin.”

“I’m just not used to it.”

“Say it,” he demanded, pulling my glass away from my face with his fingers. I frowned.

“Why?”

“I want you to be able to say it, it doesn’t matter why.”

“You’re really annoying. Fine, how can you be Catholic and gay?” It took a lot of effort for me to say the sentence in one go, trying to keep my tone level. There was a part of me that almost believed I might be ‘smited’.

“Easily,” he grinned at me.

“But how?”

“Gerard, who I’m in a relationship with has no affect on my ability to believe in God or in Jesus, the Son of God, or what he did for us and our sins, or the Holy Spirit.”

“But even Catholicism condemns the act of homosexuality.”

“Exactly, it condemns the act, not the feelings.”

“So it says you can be in a relationship but can’t have…” I faltered again and he chuckled slightly.

“Sex,” he finished for me.

“Yeah, that.”

“Pretty much.”

“Do you have sex?” I asked quietly, not looking at him.

“Yep.” His blunt answer shocked me slightly; he didn’t even try to give me a vague answer.

“So you’re still going against the laws of your religion.”

“No. I’m going against the guidelines.”

“You’re going to hell.” I whispered, thinking he couldn’t hear me.

“I’d better stock up on sun-block then.” His voice was laced with amusement, it didn’t sound hurt or offended or angry, but I blushed all the same that he had heard it. “Tell me something Gerard,” he paused, “why are you here?”

“I don’t really know.” I confessed quietly.

“You know, you said you wanted to understand me, but you’re a conundrum yourself. So in as much as you want to understand me, I want to understand you too.” He suddenly pushed his empty bowl to the side, out of his way, and leant forward on his elbows so that his hazel eyes studied mine. I also pushed my bowl away but moved no closer, for if I did, we would only be mere inches apart.

“How am I supposed to understand you, if you won’t answer any of my questions?” I asked him.

“I said I was going to come out to lunch with you Gerard, not that I would answer your questions.”

“So why are you here?”

“Why do you think I’m here?”

“Stop being so evasive!”

“Why?” His infuriating smirk returned.

“Because it’s just rude!”

“And protesting against my sexuality and demanding I repent isn’t?”

“Now you’re just not making any sense!” I quickly leaned back, realizing I had been doing exactly what I was trying not to do by subconsciously moving forward.

“Gerard!” A new female voice exclaimed, and one that I recognized. Frank quickly leant back as I had.

I smiled at Abbi as she came up to greet me. Abbi was about two years younger than me with golden hair and bright blue eyes. She was an active member of our Church community and was on nearly as many committees as I was and did a lot of charity work.

“Hey Abbi! What are you doing here?”

“Counselling lunch,” she smiled widely and gestured to a sad looking teenager hanging back about two metres from Abbi, I waved slightly and then returned my attention to Abbi, who was studying Frank with a slight look of distaste. “Who’s this Gerard?” she asked. Her voice and smile were sweet but I didn’t miss the slight venom in her voice and I felt a weird pang of protectiveness.

“This is Frank, he’s a friend of mine. Frank, this is Abbi.”

“Hi Abbi!” I had to use my hand to cover my smile at Frank’s fake over-enthusiasm. Abbi ignored him and turned back to me.

“You too looked close, you want to be careful Gerard; people might get the wrong idea.”

“I’ll bear that in mind, thank you Abbi.” I smiled at her and squeezed the hand that was leaning on our table reassuringly.

“Right then, I’ll let you get back to your lunch. Will you be at the parish social planning meeting on Thursday?”

“You bet,” I grinned.

“Good. God bless Gerard."

“God bless Abbi.” She turned at left, guiding the sad teenager with a hand on the small of their back to their table around the corner. I watched her go and then turned back to Frank. He immediately leant forward again with his smirk plastered across his face.

“What?” I asked him, smiling slightly.

“Dude, she is so into you.”

“She is not!”

“She was jealous.”

“She was not; she was just making sure I wasn’t wondering off God’s path.”

“Yeah, whatever. For starters, I know a look of jealously when I see one and secondly, the fact that you are not only denying that a girl might possibly like you and are not immediately asking out that smoking hot chick, and that’s coming from a gay guy, just proves my point.”

“What point?” I suddenly realized that I had leaned forward again and that our faces, our lips were inches apart.

“My point is that…” with every word he was closing the distance between us, tilting his hand slightly as I dared not move a muscle “…you’re not shouting at me, you’re not pushing me away, you’re not demanding I repent and save myself from my heinous sins.” His lips paused less than a centimetre from mine, they weren’t touching but I could feel them right there, my breath hitched in my throat slightly “My point is that you’re not stopping me.” His lips pressed gently against mine and my tense shoulders instantly, and involuntarily, relaxed.

He pulled away almost before my mind could react and got up without another word, pulling on his jacket and leaving me dumbfounded and alone in the restaurant, trying to desperately work out what had just happened and how I felt about it.