Fear Of The Dark

I stared around at all the young socialites and the debutantes, knowing full well I should by birth right be amongst them. As it were I was just a guest of other socialites, none of which were my intended and I was asked far too many times for me to count the whereabouts of Maurice Washington.

I'd forgotten just how demanding being so well off could be. I had pretty much disgraced myself completely now. My friends were not best pleased because I had accepted the proposal whilst the rest of the wealthy I mixed amongst found it disgraceful that not only was I living in a house with five men who were not relations, but I was now at this ball without my intended.

If they knew exactly how my thoughts were I'd never be able to show my face in public again. I'd realised after my talk with Zachary that there was only one other option to the two I had spoken of, and that would be to tell my parents that I already loved someone else. However, that would require me telling Brian and right now, that looked like it was never going to happen.

My eyes found him amongst the people in the ballroom stood with a tall-ish blonde girl in a grey and pale blue dress. I watched as she took his hand and he led her smiling to the dance floor, only to begin twirling round like all the other couples. I sighed, finally fed up of watching him acting like I didn't exist and headed outside to the small balcony over looking the gardens.

I barely had a moment alone when I saw Sarah quite literally floating towards me with an extra air of happiness that she'd worn ever since the night before. She smiled at me and sat down on the stone bench at my side. "And what is making you so happy now?" I enquired, playing with the lace edge of my long gloves.

Sarah sighed then cast her glance towards me, "Zack."

"I should have known really shouldn't I?" I smirked back playfully.

"Yes but you don't know exactly what made me so happy, other than it being Zack, do you?"

"No, that is true." I conceded, still grinning. "But I'm about to find out."

"He kissed me," she hissed quietly and excitedly. I widened my eyes with pleasant surprise, not exactly sure what to say but jealousy flitting around in my stomach. Her and Zack were now together I suppose, as dangerous as it could be for them since it was forbidden, and yet here I was with the biggest mistake in the history of big mistakes resting on my shoulders and never being able to tell Brian how I feel.

I plastered on a fake, yet genuine smile to my lips for her. I couldn't ever remember seeing her this excited, not even when Johnny took us both to the freak show and we poked fun at everything there. "That's wonderful."

"You can't tell anyone though," she then said, pointing her index finger at me; it was so close to my face I actually went cross eyed, just to keep an eye on it. I didn't want to get poked in the eye. "You gotta swear you won't tell anyone."

"I promise," I nodded sticking out my hand palm side up. She stuck hers next to it and we spat in our hands before shaking them, the spit mixing together. "That information is going nowhere," I grinned childishly at her, wondering on what I could wipe my hand.

"I know," Sarah grinned back at me as a shadow loomed over us. I looked up and saw Zack grinning with amusement at us both.

"You're lucky nobody was out here to see you doing that," he said in the most casual voice he could use, looking at the both of us before looking at Sarah.

"Old habits die hard," we replied simultaneously with shrugs. It was such a rehearsed phrase that some people - being our mothers - had come to be able to say it themselves before we could get our mouths open. We cast glances at each other before Zack politely held his hand out for Sarah to take.

I told them I was going to stay outside, not particularly fancying going back inside. I decided I would probably stay out on the balcony until the others decided we should head home. I turned slightly, folding my arms on the stone balustrade and resting my chin upon it surveying the garden.

It was so pretty; right down the centre in front of me was a gravel path that met in the centre to form a cross with 3 others. Right in the very centre was a marble fountain carved into mermaids. Each quadrant was filled with flowers, my favourite being the roses which sprang up brightly in many colours than just the traditional red.

After a while of sitting silently I stood and moved towards the curved steps to go down to the garden. It was quite dark now, but not so dark I couldn't see what I was doing and walked slowly to have a better look at things. It was mid September now so most of the summer flowers were going brown but the roses were in pristine condition.

I heard the crunch of gravel behind me before it stopped and I heard someone clear their throat. I turned to see Brian standing there and felt my entire body freeze. He looked...nervous? I'm not sure, but he wore an odd look on his handsome face. "Is it really safe for you to be out here alone, Miss?" He asked, his dark eyes firmly set on me.

"Probably not, but I wasn't comfortable with being inside anymore," I answered quietly, as I lowered my eyes from him and to one of the flowers I was admiring when he showed up. "Too many questions. I forgot it was all so demanding."

"Questions?" Brian prompted.

"I'd rather not talk about it Brian," I sighed as I turned and began to walk once more. " The more I think about it the more depressed I feel about it."

"Oh, I see." I knew he knew what I was talking about with that response and the pair of us fell under an awkward silence as I walked, studying the flora and he followed. I wanted to say something but I didn't know what since 'sorry' just wasn't good enough.

"I thought you would want to dance with your friend," I said instead.

"She latched herself onto me, not the other way around," he answered sounding distracted by something; since I had my back to him, I wouldn't have been able to tell you what it was that was pre-occupying his attention and I never looked either, just kept walking. "My heart is too set on someone else."

Oh bummer. I felt my heart sink further than it already was and bit my lip just in case I felt the urge to cry about it.

"You know a lot about flowers," he said instead and I felt myself relax.

"I read a lot of books," I answered with a fond smile, suddenly finding my self at ease around him. "That and my grandmother is somewhat of a florist, if you will."

I glanced back at him and saw him smiling, his hands behind his back as he surveyed things too. He looked round, meeting my gaze and smiled, I smiled back. Oh how it hurt so much to know he couldn't ever be mine. I sucked it up though and kept walking talking about all the different flowers even though he probably didn't want to know.

"So what is this, then?" He asked and I stopped and turned to see him holding a long thin stem, with a rose on the end so dark in it's colour it looked like blood, with black edges.

"That is a Hybrid Tea, Black Magic rose. My favourite flower in the world," I replied as he held it out to me. I stared at it like it might try and bite me or something before he moved closer so it was nearer to me. I reached up and took it careful not to prick my fingers on the thorns as my eyes intently bored holes through the delicate, velvet like petals as opposed to looking at Brian, "Thank you."

"My mother always told me that if I looked hard enough I would always find true beauty amongst the dark and grime. I never believed her though because nobody else said it; I just thought she was crazy," he now said as I twirled the stem between my fingers, only to look up and straight into his eyes. "You proved her right."

"I don't feel very beautiful right now," I answered quietly, so quiet it was almost a whisper in fact.

"Why's that?"

I held the rose out for him to hold before bringing up my left hand and pulling from it the disgusting gold ring on my ring finger. We both looked at it. Well, not looked, glared would be a better thing to say. He made an 'oh' shape with his mouth and I nodded. Then with that I threw it away from me, not sure where it landed.

"Now I feel beautiful," I smiled to him.

"Good," he whispered, brushing back one of my golden curls and his hand cupping my cheek but that was all he could do when we heard the rapturous laughs of our friends as they made their way towards us. I glanced shyly at Brian before stepping away and looking up to see Sarah. She looked at me in confusion before they all reached us and stopped.

"What did you just throw?"

I glanced at all of them as they concentrated on me. "The ring," I answered quietly, but they all heard it because they broke out in smiles.

"What are you going to tell your dad?" Johnny then enquired.

"Honestly? I have no idea, but I can think about that another time as right now I want to go home."

"Me too," Sarah nodded with agreement, settling the matter instantly. That said we dismissed ourselves from the ball, hailed a carriage and headed home to Eaton for the night, the feeling amongst the seven of us far more relaxed than it had been in the last few days. Even I was nervous and shy around Brian, and my stomach was filled with butterflies as my brain tried to explain what he had said, and what he was going to do before the others interrupted.