Lonely Road

Tally grinned as wide as she could as her charcoal black curls blew all around from the shivering wind that swept passed her. He was walking towards her, a soft smile tugging at his thin lips. His blue eyes were lit up like a child’s on Christmas morning from excitement, and she could almost see the happiness he felt burning through his skin.

Once they reached each other, Tally brought her hand up and hesitantly touched the side of his face softly. “Jimmy,” She murmured through tear filled eyes, “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too, baby,” He laughed softly at her and wiped away a stray tear that had fallen with his thumb.

Tally stepped into his arms and slumped against his chest, a content sigh passing through her lips. Jimmy kissed her head and wrapped his arms around her. Neither one of them wanted to let go, worried that if they did, they would be brought back to realty instead of with each other, because them being together again felt beyond unreal.

“I’m sorry, Jimmy. I’m so sorry for the things I said before you left,” Tally murmured, “I love you and I want to marry you. That’ll never change.”

“Ever?” He raised one eyebrow, although she couldn’t see.

“Ever,” She confirmed, nodding her head.

He smoothed his hand across her back and breathed in the sweet scent of her vanilla shampoo. “I love you, Tally.”

Finally, Tally pulled away from him and allowed their eyes to lock. “I love you too, Jimmy,” She told him, meaning it with all her heart.

Tally loved Jimmy so much that at first she was afraid to accept it, because she knew that he could easily shatter not only her heart but also her entire world in seconds if he decided he didn’t feel the same. Luckily for her, he did. He loved her more than words could express. They belonged together. They were soul mates. And someday soon, they would be pronounced as Mr. and Mrs. Sullivan. The weight of the small engagement ring on her finger reminded her of that every chance she looked down at her left hand, and it also reminded her of just how happy she truly was.

Tally’s light brown eyes blinked open groggily, a small groan leaving her lips just as realty hit her once again. She sat up with frustration and ran a hand through her messy locks of hair. She was just about ready to jump off a cliff because of those dreams. On average, she would have one twice a week or so, and she hated them. She hated being reminded of her past, her ex-fiancé, and the fact that she was the happiest she had ever been during those few years she spent with Jimmy. However, that was then and this is now. That was seven long, miserable years ago, and no matter how much she wished she could go back and do it all over again, she couldn’t. She couldn’t even fix what had been broken between her and Jimmy, simply because he had recently passed away.

When Tally received a phone call from Matt Sanders–an old friend of hers and Jimmy’s–two weeks ago on December 28th, she never expected to hear the news he told her. It took every bit of strength in her to not break down while still on the phone with him, knowing that it would only make matters worse. Jimmy’s death had simply crushed her. It was as if her heart had suddenly slid down to the pit of stomach.

She regretted not meeting up and talking to him several weeks ago when he asked her to, she regretted the way things ended between them, and she regretted the fact that she would always love him more than any other man in the universe no matter what.

Tally stood from her bed, stretching her arms up over her head for a moment before heading into the bathroom. She needed a long hot shower to relieve the tension building up in her neck from stress before getting ready and heading out for the day.

She knew today was going to be difficult to get through, considering it was the day of Jimmy’s funeral. She was nervous, scared, and sad. And she wasn’t sure how she was going to react around everyone. She hadn’t seen any of the Avenged family in so long, and she couldn’t believe Matt had talked her into being one of the small few to stand up and speak a few words about Jimmy.

Stepping into the bathroom, Tally immediately went over to the shower and twisted the knobs until hot water spewed from the showerhead. She then lingered over towards the mirror and the sink. She frowned at her appearance through the glass. She had noticeable bags underneath her eyes, red blotches all around her nose from crying, knots all in her hair, and her loose t-shirt and shorts made her look like a bum. Overall, Tally thought she looked pretty horrible.

“Thank God for makeup,” She muttered to herself.

It wasn’t long before she stripped herself of her clothing and stepped into the shower. The hot water cascaded down her body, making a small moan pass through her lips. It felt too good for words.

“Don’t say that, Jimmy!” Tally shouted, “You know that’s not true.”

Jimmy rose up off the couch and folded his arms across his chest. “I don’t know that’s not true, Tally. I have no fucking clue! You told me months ago that you didn’t want to marry me before I went on tour!”

Tally’s eyes stung with tears, but she refused to let them fall and for him to see how hurt she was. “I didn’t mean that, Jimmy. I was just angry, but fine then! If you doubt the fact that I love you and that I want to marry you, than maybe this shouldn’t happen. Maybe we should just forget this entire thing!”

Jimmy’s eyes narrowed in a glare, “Maybe we should,” He agreed.

Tally pulled the engagement ring off of her finger and threw it at him. “I never want to see you again, Sullivan,” She spat.

The ring bounced off Jimmy’s chest and right into his open palm. He closed his hand and balled it into a fist so hard that ring dug into his skin. He shook his head and muttered something that she couldn’t understand before walking out of the room.

Finally, the tears started rolling down her cheeks just as she heard the front door slam. Sobs started to rack her body as she moved for the couch so she wouldn’t collapse onto the floor. Her fiancé, her best friend, her everything had just walked right out of her life like it was nothing, like she meant nothing. And the worst part, she didn’t even try to stop him. Hell, it was her idea, one that backfired faster than one would expect.

One small tear bubbled over Tally’s left eyes and slipped down her cheek as she stared into the mirror at the simple black dress she was wearing. At this moment, she hated black more than anything in the world, even though it happened to be her favorite color.

She didn’t feel right wearing some black dress with black heels. She never usually wore this kind of clothing, and she hated that she had to today. What made it worse was she knew Jimmy would hate it. He wouldn’t want to see her in that ugly dress, he wouldn’t want to see her with bloodshot eyes from crying, and he sure as well wouldn’t want to see her as depressed as she looked. Tally knew that for sure, but still she didn’t change a single thing.

An hour later, Tally was sitting inside of her blue Jeep, her nerves raised off the chart. She was hesitant to get out of her car and walk over to the grave sight where everyone happened to be gathering, but she knew she had no choice. Well, she did, but she knew that she couldn’t back out. She needed to be here. She needed say goodbye one last time and find some peace in all this madness.

After a minute of biting down on her lip, she pushed open the Jeep door and climbed out. Her heels clicked against the cool concrete as she shut and locked the door. Taking a deep breath, Tally started her small walk towards everyone. Everybody around her seemed distant and upset, and Tally could understand that.

Once she reached everyone, she could practically feel the thick, heavy emotions from everybody around her, crushing every bone in her body. It was almost too much for her to handle.

“Tally, you came,” A deep voice said softly from behind her.

Tally swiveled around and came face to face with Matt. His hazel eyes were dull and slightly bloodshot, making Tally frown. She knew he had to be taking Jimmy’s death pretty hard since he and the other guys had known Jimmy since they were just kids. She felt sorry for them, knowing they had just lost not only their drummer but also their best friend and brother.

“I’m so sorry, Matt,” She murmured, not sure what else to say.

She was sure that he had heard it plenty of time within the past two weeks and was probably getting sick and tired of hearing it, if he wasn’t already, but she just didn’t know what she was supposed to say. She had never lost anyone close and she had never been to a funeral besides her grandparents when she was a child, which she hardly even remembered.

He tried to smile, but it was strained and fake. “Thank you, Tally,” He said, “And thanks for coming. It would mean a lot to him to know that you’re here, you know?”

“Yeah,” She nodded slightly, “I know.”

“Oh and,” Matt paused and reached into his pocket to retrieve something, “he wanted you to have this,” He told her as he set a silver chain with her old engagement ring hanging from it in the palm of her hand.

Tally’s vision clouded over with tears at the sight of what she was holding. “He kept it all these years?” She asked, looking up at Matt.

“Yes,” He nodded, “In fact, he wore it around his neck.”

Tally sniffled and closed her palm around the necklace tightly, not wanting to somehow lose it. “Thank you for giving it to me, Matt.”

“He loved you, Tally. After all these years he still loved you,” Matt said.

“I never stopped loving him either,” She licked over her bottom lip.

The funeral was about to begin, so Matt nodded his head at her words and gave her a small awkward hug before going off to talk to a few other people real quick. Looking around, Tally recognized most of everyone around her, but decided to keep to herself instead of talking to anybody.

She stepped past a few people until her eyes focused in on a large, wooden casket that held Jimmy’s body. She hated the thought of him being in there; about to be lowered into the gross, bug infested ground. However, she couldn’t do anything to change it. It just it what it is.

She stepped closer to it and reached out to touch it. Her fingertips slid across the surface, while a tear fell from her eye.

“I love you, Jimmy,” She whispered, “Always will, never won’t.”

Tally couldn’t stop thinking about Jimmy, no matter what she did. She hated herself for saying such harsh things to him; things she never meant. There was going back now though. As much as she wished with every ounce of blood flowing through her body that she go back and change everything, she couldn’t. She had screwed up, once again. She wished he would at least agree to meet up with her somewhere so they could talk, but Jimmy didn’t want to talk. Not yet anyways. That hurt of course, but it didn’t hurt nearly as bad as being apart from him did.

After two weeks of not seeing or speaking to Jimmy, there was a knock at her apartment door. Sighing softly, Tally rose from the couch and trudged over to the door. She was exhausted seeing as she hadn’t been sleeping very well. Every time she would lie down to go to sleep, her mind would start reeling with thoughts, and it made sleeping impossible.

She turned the deadbolt before twisting the doorknob. She licked over her bottom lip and blinked when she saw Jimmy standing there. She hadn’t expected him to show up all of the sudden, but a spark of hope ignited inside of her and she was glad he had showed up all of the sudden.

“Can we talk, Tal?” He asked, his blue eyes connecting with hers.

She nodded and stepped aside for him to come in. Jimmy licked over his bottom lip and slipped inside past her. He could clearly see she was not taking things so well, and truth is, he wasn't either, but neither one of them were going to swallow their pride and apologize. There had been too many fights between them for that to happen.

Tally led Jimmy into the small kitchen and motioned for him to sit down at the table, which he complied. She grabbed them both a beer from the fridge and set one down in front of him before sitting down across from him. She watched closely as Jimmy twisted the cap off his beer and took a small sip.

"So uh," She muttered, licking over his lips, "Lets talk."

He sighed and set the beer back down onto the table. "Tally, you know I love you and you know I want more than anything to marry you, but-"

She frowned and cut him off, "But what?"

"But we are never going to agree on anything. Whether it be the wedding or our relationship or even what we're going to have for dinner. I just don’t think this,” He paused and locked eyes with Tally’s, “Is going to work.”

"Jimmy, don't say that. We can make this work, you know we can."

He shook his head back in forth, “No, I’m sorry, Tally, but I don’t think we can.”

And just like that, the small spark of hope that had ignited inside of her just minutes before had been crushed.

“Jimmy happened to be the most lovable man I knew,” Tally’s voice wavered as she stood in front of everybody, speaking her few words about Jimmy. “He could make you smile just at the sight of his own smile, and he could instantly light up the entire room the second he stepped through the doorway. All in all, Jimmy was one magical human being with the biggest heart anyone could ever have. He loved everybody and made sure they knew it as well,” She paused for a moment to clear her throat quietly before it could crack, “He will never be forgotten."