It Doesn't Feel a Thing Like Falling.

Once there was a knock on Jona's door I quickly gathered myself and went to open it hoping it was Dan.

"Oi, ready love?" Dan asked and I nodded in relief and closed the door behind me.

"You ok?" He asked once we got in his car.

I breathed in deeply, "No. I think Matt and I are like this close to not being even able to talk to each other."

"Why? What happened?"

"I don't know. I don't want to talk about it anymore."

He nodded, "Ok we won't. Let's go into town and make you feel better." He said patting my hand.

He really was a sweet guy.

Once we parked in front of a coffee shop we got out and he ushered me in telling me this was the beginning of me feeling better.

Once we got our coffee, we decided to just walk around the busy streets.

"You're right. I am semi- better."

He chuckled, "I know. I'm great."

I giggled and his fingers grazed mine.

I looked over at him as a grin hit his face and he kept looking ahead as his fingers linked in mine dangling loosely between us.

I chuckled and placed my hand in his. He looked over at me with a grin as we continued to walk.

"Yeh cute." He said and I blushed, "Whatever. Let's go into drop dead and see if little Tom is at work." I said with a smile and I pulled him to the store as he laughed.

We walked in and there were a few people around and I pulled Dan further into the store to the register were Tom was hunched over scribbling into a book.

"Um, I have a complaint." I said and Tom's head shot up.

Once he realized it was me he grinned, "Oh too bad. I don't care."

"Not nice. I need to speak to the manager."

"I am the managa. All can be forgiven though if we have a go in the back." He said wiggling his eyebrows causing dan and I to laugh.

"Ew Tom."

He laughed, "what yeh doin here, love?"

"Dan and I were just walking around and I was like we should go see Tom."

"The coolest one of tha Sykes brotha is what yeh said in return right, Dan?" He asked and I laughed.

"I was going to." Dan said laughing.

"Why the fuck is he with her?" Tom said looking behind me and I quickly turned around to see Matt and Morgan walk in.

I groaned and Dan grabbed my hand, "maybe we should leave." He said and Tom chuckled, "or juss come stand back here wif meh and we will watch the show unfold."

"Mhm..." Dan said and I elbowed him causing him to laugh and Matt and Morgan noticed us then.

Matt's face grew hard and Morgan rolled her eyes.

"What are yeh doin here?" Matt asked.

"Um, what are you doing here?"

"Came ta talk ta Tom."

"Likewise."

"I'm so bloody popular!" Tom said trying to ease the situation.

"So leave." Morgan said with a fake smile.

"Maybe you should leave. It's not like you can fit in any of these clothes anyways." I said smiling and Tom choked on his laughter behind me.

I crossed my arms with a smirk as Morgan stood there I assume a bit shocked. I usually wasn't a rude person, but something about her brought that out of me and since it never happened you can see how the boys found it amusing. Even Dan who barely knew me.

Matty's face was stone cold and I shrugged as he looked at me like he was going to kill me.

"So? You're still here why?" I asked with a confused look.

"If you think you're going to be around our baby you have another thing coming!" She said angrily.

I faked a sad face, "Oh no. What shall I ever do?! Let me leave so I can cry."

I rolled my eyes, "doesn't matter. I hate children." I said with a grin before she could speak. When did I become so heartless? Then again, when did it become so easy for me to pretend?

"I mean, with you two as parents. The kid is screwed anyways. I'd rather not witness a disaster." I said shrugging as I grabbed up my coffee and put it to my lips but before I could take a sip of it, it was knocked out of my hand and spilled onto the floor.

"Oye!" Tom shouted as we both looked at Morgan.

"Yeh a bitch Holly." Matt said seriously and I laughed and threw up my hands, "well at least now you can admit to feeling something for me."

"Are we goin ta go inta this again?"

"No Matt. We're not going into anything ever again." I said and his eyes grew worried quickly and he spoke, "what does that mean?"

"It means you win, ok? I'm done with all of this. I'm done fighting, and since we apparently have no chance in hell to go back to normal. I'm done with us. I'm done crying over you, I'm done missing you, I'm done loving you. Just done." I said as my eyes watered, "So fucking done." I mumbled as I stepped over the spilled coffee and heading for the door.

"Yeh don't get ta juss leave Holly. Yeh don't juss get ta come in here, and tell meh were done and fuckin leave!" He yelled grabbing my arm and spinning me around. I've never seen Matt this angry and I was a bit taken aback.

"Is this what yeh do?! Run away when it gets hard?! Throw our fuckin' who knows how long friendship out tha fuckin' door cause of this?!" He asked his grasp on my arm not budging.

"Yeah would look that way." I managed to get out trying to not cry.

"No. Yeh fuckin stupid if yeh fink I'm gonna let that happen like this! Dammit Holly! Do I not mean anyfing to yeh?!"

"Stop it!" I finally yelled pulling my arm from him as tears fell from my eyes.

"You don't get to do this! Make me feel bad when you're fucking stupid! Have you kissed anyone since me?" I asked lowering my voice so everyone in the back wouldn't be able to hear us.

He rubbed his neck nervously, "that has nuffin..."

"Have you kissed Morgan?" I asked cutting him off.

"Yeah...I have. But, yeh here wif Dan!"

"I haven't even kissed Dan's cheek, Matt. So no, that means nothing. Just, leave me alone Matt. Please. I'm begging you." I said softly as I wiped my tears.

"What have I done so bad that we can't work through this Holly?" He asked with a distraught look.

"I...I mean, yeh my life, I know we fought but i'll fix it. I'll, figure it out. I'll...do whateva needs ta be done." He fumbled as he looked at me with complete fear. Like I was dying or something.

I shook my head no, "Matt, we've crossed too many lines..."

He started breathing heavily, "No. No yeh not leavin meh. Yeh not gonna shove me aside because we slept togetha."

"Matty, why does it matter anyways? you're having a baby and you're working things out with Morgan." I said and he shook his head no as he looked like he was now in a panic.

"No. No Holly. I need yeh. Not her. I need yeh." He said desperately.

His eyes began watering and he grabbed my hands, "I need yeh. I need only yeh. Don't do this. Please. Please. I, I don't know what I did, but, but I'll fix it Holly."

I began to cry as his chest began to move rapidly and he blinked trying to hold back his tears.

"You, you can't make me unlove you Matt. That's the problem." I said through my tears and his eyes got wide, "What, what do yeh mean?"

"Meaning if I could pretend like I don't love you I would but I can't so I need to be away from you."

"Why can't yeh love meh?" He asked his eyebrows knitted together in confusion and hurt.

"Because you don't love me Matt. Not like I want you to anyways." I said with a grin as I pulled my hands from his, now feeling a bit relief that I finally told him how I feel.

He stared at me daze like and I spoke, "I mean, i'm sure we will be seeing each other but ya know..." I said shrugging as I forced myself to open the door and walking out into the fresh air.

I breathed in deeply and pulled down my sunglasses right as tears started to fall.

Leaving Matt was like I assume leaving someone you've been married to for years would be like and I couldn't stop crying as I walked down the street not sure were I was going. I forgot all about Dan driving me here.

This was the worst day of my life.

"Holly!" I heard and turned around to see Jona running after me.

"Hols..." he whispered once he reached me.

"I don't want to hear it."

"I'm not gonna say anyfing." He said wrapping his arms around me, "I'm proud of yeh Holly." He said as I cried into his chest.

"Why does it hurt so much?" I sobbed into his shirt.

"Cause yeh love him Hols."

"Why doesn't he love me? I mean, is something wrong with me?" I asked looking up at him and he sighed as he cupped my face, "what? No. Yeh are so close ta perfect it's scary. Nuffin is wrong with yeh."

"Then maybe i'm not pretty enough I mean, even pregnant Morgan looks pretty and I hate her." I said sniffling and he grinned, "Holly. Yeh are so beautiful inside and out."

"Apparently not."

"Maybe he's juss scared because yeh are so perfect."

"I'm not perfect though."

"In his eyes yeh are love." He said brushing my cheek.

I sighed, "can you please take me home?"

"Yeah love."

"I should go talk to Dan..."

"No don't worry bout it. Tom's handlin' it."

I nodded and he grabbed my hand and led me to his car.

Once we reached my apartment I had no tears left to cry and I found mself in just a numb state. Jona gently helped me from the car and walked me to my door.

"Want meh ta stay?" He asked seriously.

"No. I'm fine."

"Holly..."

"Seriously, I appreciate it. I just want to be alone right now..."

He sighed, "Ok. If yeh need meh call. I mean it."

I nodded and he kissed my forehead before I walked in.

I sighed as I groggily walked to my couch and fell down pressing my face into a pillow.

I had no tears left but I felt completely empty inside. Like my heart stopped beating, but I was still alive. It was the worst feeling I've ever thought possible. I guess this must be what heart broken feels like.

I forced myself up and to my room where I kicked off my shoes and pulled off my dress before crawling into bed. Which is where I laid until Oli came in about one in the afternoon the next day.

"Hols, yeh can't do this to yeh self."

"I can." I mumbled as he sat on the bed.

"Yeh know, he's doin tha same fing. With a lot more tears. I mean, i didn't know he had it in him or any guy did for that matta."

I sighed and he brushed my hair softly, "Holly. Yeh gotta get up."

"No, I can't." I mumbled.

"Why not?"

"Because I'll cry."

"Why?"

"Cause I don't have Matty anymore." I said shutting my eyes tightly trying not to cry.

"Yeh still got him. Truss meh. He's miserable Hols." He whispered.

"He should be. Doesn't change anything though..."

"What do yeh want then?"

"To wake up and it be last year."

"Afraid that isn't goin ta happen love."

"Then I'm going to stay here." I whispered my voice cracking as I felt my chest tighten yet again.

He sighed and laid down taking me into his arms.

"I don't like seein yeh like this...yeh suppose ta be happy Holly. Wifout happy Holly I can't be happy Oli!"

A soft laugh escaped my lips and he brushed my cheek gently, "I love yeh Hols. Yeh like a sista I don't had and yeh gonna hate meh but i'm not lettin yeh do this to yehself so get tha hell up." He said before he hopped up.

I groaned, "Oliver! Leave me alone!"

"Nope."

"I'm naked."

"Yeh not. I see yeh bra strap."

I groaned and he pulled the cover from me.

"Rape!"

He rolled his eyes, "I've seen yeh in a bathin suit basically tha same fing."

"Not really..."

"Get up Holly."

I glared at him as I sat up and he grabbed my hands pulling me up, "come on."

"No." I mumbled as he pulled me from the bed.

"Oli. Leave me alone. I mean it." I said as my eyes began to water.

He wrapped his arms around me his eyes filled with concern.

"No. I just want to stay in bed." I mumbled as I wiped my eyes.

"Hols..." he whispered bringing his hand to my cheek.

"Ok. Ok. But i'm not leavin yeh."

"Ok." I whispered and he removed his arms from me and let me crawl back into bed. As I closed my eyes I heard Jona's voice fill my apartment.

I sighed and covered my face with my blanket.

"I'm calling the police." I mumbled.

"Holly." I heard Jona say as he sat on my bed.

I sighed, "can you two not go bother someone else?"

"Fraid not." He said as I looked up at him.

He brushed my hair back softly, "Hols...yeh need ta go talk ta him. He's a wreck..."

"Oh and I'm not? I'm sick of being the one who fixes everything for him."

"I know..." he said softly, "But..."

"But nothing. I'm sorry he's upset, but so am I! Can you both leave?" I asked exhausted of fighting with everyone.

"Yeah. Ok..." Jona said no arguing as he got up from my bed.

Oli looked at me then at Jona, "Mate I..."

"Come on Oli." He said grabbing Oli's arm and pulling him from my room. Once the door shut I closed my eyes tightly. I hated being that way to them, but I just needed time to think! Although, he was right I couldn't lay here forever.

But, I think I earned a day or two to do so. I just lost my best friend afterall.