It Doesn't Feel a Thing Like Falling.

I continued to sit on the floor taking in every word that left his mouth. I mean, what do I do from here? Before I could think of answers the guys came back in, well Jona and Oli. Lee was probably the one who brought Matt here.

"Why yeh still sittin' here?" Oli asked walking over and sitting beside me indian style.

"I don't know what just happened." I said honestly.

"Well that fucka can punch I'll give him that.." Jona mumbled rubbing his cheek.

"Did he apologize?" I asked and he nodded, "somefin bout how I deserved it, but he hope he didnt hurt meh."

I chuckled, "Yeah he said to tell you that..." i said looking down at my hands.

"What did he say ta yeh? Oi. Yeh know I don't fink yeh a whore right? I was juss tryin ta get a rise out of him." Jona said seriously.

"I know."

"I know yeh not." He added.

"I know Jona." I said laughing.

"Juss wanna make sure." He said sitting in the floor with us.

"Well, what did he say?" Oli asked and I giggled at how much of a girl he was being.

I breathed in and told them what I remembered which was not a lot seeing as how I was stunned when Matt was saying it to me.

"What the fuck?! I don't understand why yeh aren't runnin' afta him or like I dunno talkin' back!" Oli said loudly.

"This isn't a bloody movie Oli..." Jona stated and I rolled my eyes.

"Plus, maybe he's right. We should just wait and see how this turns out with Morgan..."

"Will it make a difference?"

"It might."

"Tha boy said he wants ta be wif yeh foreva! What do yeh fink that means ta someone!" Oli asked throwing his hands up.

I shrugged and Jona shook his head, "I'm through with tryin'. There's juss no use in tryin' ta get involved in tha Matt and Holly soap opera!"

"We're not a soap opera." I said rolling my eyes.

"Yeah, yeh are."

I sighed and leaned back onto the floor.

"Want meh ta see if he's still here?" Oli asked looking down at me with a grin.

"Shut up." I mumbled.

"Right. So, as we're leavin' if we happen ta see him I'll tell him to come back."

"Look. Oli is now docta Drew!" Jona said and I laughed and Oliver shoved him as I finally moved to the couch.

"Just leave." I mumbled as they scuffled out the door closing it behind them. I sighed and laid against the back of the couch.

Why can't I have a normal day?

Matt's words kept repeating over and over in my head and I still didn't know what to do. Of course I love him and of course I want to be with him and of course, more than anything, I was missing him. I know it has just been a few days, but a few days was a long time to go without talking to him and I dont think today counted as talking.

I just wanted to go over to his house, have him hold me and forget about all this life stuff I wasn't ready to deal with.

When did things become so complicated? Why do we have to grow up?

I sighed as I made myself get up and go into the kitchen to find something to eat even though this was all still heavily on my mind.

Once I forced down some food I decided I should at least text Dan and tell him how sorry I was. He was a great guy and under different cirumstances I would have been with him, but he wasn't Matt.

I sighed as I sat on the couch and began texting,

'Dan, i'm so sorry about the other day. I really didn't know all that was going to happen and I feel horrible and I hope you're not upset with me or anything. :/ '

I read over the text a few times before I sent it and once I did I laid back against the couch waiting for a response. I don't know why I was so anxious. I just really didn't want him to hate me over that whole thing.

Once my phone buzzed I quickly grabbed it back up to read his response,

'I'm not mad at you Holly. I knew when this started it was because you loved Matt. It isn't your fault that I started to like you.'

'You're an amazing guy and i would have liked you to if Matt wasnt in the picture. I hope we're ok...'

'We are, love. No worries. And if you realize Matt and you arent going anywhere...call me. ;)'

'Hahaha. I will.'

Hopefully it wouldn't come to that.

I sat my phone on the table feeling better that he was ok with it all, but that was the only thing I felt ok about...

I finally decided to just get up and go to Jona's. I feel as if I say Jona instead of Matt I'd feel better about it. Although, I was hoping Matt was there.

Yeah. I know... I don't want to hear it.

Once I got to their house I knocked lightly before just walking in.

No one was in the livingroom which was strange.

"Jona?" I called out as I checked out the kitchen and came up empty handed.

I sighed as I made my way up the stairs and Jona's bedroom door was opened, but no Jona. I swear if no one was here and they left their door unlocked I was going to steal something on purpose.

I opened Matt's door expecting it to be empty, but instead I saw Matt asleep peacefully on his bed.

I sighed and leaned against the doorway just watching him.

I didn't care anymore. I walked over to his bed and sat beside him. He didn't even move as I ran my hand into his hair. Well I thought he was asleep until his arm went around my waist.

"What are yeh doin' here?" He mumbled his eyes staying closed and I stopped playing with his hair.

"Well I came to find Jona, but he's not here."

"Mhm. Why yeh here wif meh then?" He asked pulling me closer to him.

"Well I was going to tell you that if no one else is here and you go to sleep you should lock your front door."

"I don't fink anyone is gonna kidnap meh."

"Um or murder you?"

He chuckled, "I'm alive arent I?"

"Yeah. Because luckily I came before the killer."

"Or yeh are tha killa..."

"That's possible I assume."

"Then yeh should juss kill meh and get it ova wif cause I'm propa tired." He said kissing my arm since he was still laying down.

"Or lay down wif meh." He added softly and I chose that over the latter.

His arm stayed around me as I kicked off my shoes and laid beside him.

"Good choice." He mumbled against my neck as he held me to him.

"I fink yeh came here ta juss see meh." He whispered.

"Whatever..."

"I know yeh did."

"Shut up. Go to sleep." I said rolling my eyes.

"Did yeh come ova ta get in my pants?" He asked with a grin as he leaned up to look at me.

"If I wanted in your pants Matt, I would be there don't you think?"

He chuckled, "I don't know what yeh fink Hols so no I don't know."

"Shut up, Go to sleep."

He laughed and kissed my cheek.

"Why yeh reallah here?" He asked seriously.

"I just...I don't know..." I fumbled and he brushed his hand against my cheek.

"Yeh lyin'..."

"I really don't know...I'm sure it has something to do with you..."

He sighed and kissed my jaw.

"Did yeh fink bout what I said?"

"Didn't you say you were tired?"

"Answer my question first."

"I mean what was there to think about?"

He sighed and pressed his face into my shoulder.

"Yeah piss meh off." He mumbled.

"Nothing new there."

"I'm not gonna go into this. I'm goin to sleep."

I sighed and closed my eyes, "Ok."

"Ok." He mumbled his grasp on me not loosening up, so I guess this was him saying he wanted me to stay.

I eventually fell asleep myself and I'm not sure how long I slept, but it was still dark outside when I woke up so I assumed it was still the same day.

I groggily sat up because Matt wasn't in the bed with me and looked around as I ran my hand into my hair.

He never just left so I was feeling a bit odd. Should I get up and look for him? Do I get up and hope Jona's here? My mind raced with possibilities.

I finally got up and fixed my dress before I headed out of his room. Walking quietly down the hall in hopes of hearing Jona's voice.

I passed his room which was still empty and headed down the stairs.

"Oye. When did yeh get here?" Jona asked looking over from the couch as I reached the living room.

"Um. I don't know...where's Matt?"

He made a weird face, "Uh. He's not here..."

"Well he was."

"Yeh were here wif him?"

"Yeah. Well asleep..."

"I'm not going to ask." He said with an raised eyebrow.

"Good." I said with a sigh as I sat beside him.

"When did he leave?"

"Bout an hour ago..."

"Where?"

"I fought ta yeh place ta beg for yeh loe or somefin but 'parently not."

"Oh..." I mumbled.

"I'm sure it's nuffin."

I nodded and he sighed before turning the television off and looked back at me.

"Holly, stop playin' games wif him. He loves yeh and he wants ta be wif yeh so be wif him and stop makin everyfing bloody complicated for him. He's done nuffin wrong ta deserve it."

"Im not playing games."

"Really? Yeh here aren't yeh? Yeh here afta him spillin' his guts ta yeh. Maybe yeh feel tha same way and have sort of admitted it in some crazy way, but he's a man. He needs ta hear it to believe it, so right now yeh need to quit fuckin' wif his mind. Don't yeh fink he has enough goin' on Holly? He juss needs yeh ta be on his side 'gain."

I crossed my arms uncomfortably as Jona's words sunk in.

"I'm never not been on his side..." I said softly.

"Yeah but he's stressed out cause he has ta keep fightin' for yeh and yeh tryin' ta stay away from him when right Now he needs yeh more than ever."

I bit my lip as he sighed, "I'm not tryin ta make yeh feel bad Hols nor say yeh in the wrong, but this needs ta end and I know yeh love him why can't yeh juss tell him? Is it cause he might have a baby? I fink that scares yeh cause if it's his then there might be someone more important in his life than yeh." He said and I bit harder on my lip trying not to get emotional. That thought hadn't ever crossed my mind, but now that he said it, it was going to consume my thoughts.

"So yeh not tryin ta care and yeh don't wanna be wif him and love him like yeh want ta. Isn't that it?" He asked.

"I'm not that selfish Jona." I asked wiping a few tears that fell onto my cheek.

"I know yeh not. I'm not sayin' yeh are. But...yeh want all that wif him don't yeh? Yeh don't want it to be his cause yeh want him ta go through all that wif yeh."

I wiped my eyes as he continued talking. This was not what I wanted to hear right now.

The front door opened and Matt walked in with a few bags causing Jona to stop talking.

"Why the fuck is she always cryin' round yeh?!" He asked his eyes shifting from me to Jona, a serious look covering his face as he closed the door with his foot.

"We're juss talkin'." Jona said and Matt glared at him, "then why is she cryin'?" He asked seriously.

"I dont know. Ask her." Jona said with a shrug as he got up from the couch and grabbed the bags from Matt I assumed were from a grocery store.

Jona went to the kitchen and Matt sat beside me concerned.

"What did he say ta yeh, love?" He asked brushing my cheek softly.

"Nothing. Where did you go?"

"Tha grocery store. We had nuffin here which isn't surprisin', but I didn't wanna wake yeh so I decided to go."

I nodded and he stared at me as his fingers ran over my cheek, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing..." I responded softly.

"I'm tryin' ta fink of otha ways ta ask yeh what happened but I'm comin' up short..."

I chuckled and a grin his lips.

"I'm sorry." I said and his grin faded, "for what?"

"Doing this to you."

"Doing what to me?" He asked softly.

"All of this." I said sniffling.

His eye brows knitted together in confusion, "Baby, what are yeh talkin bout?"

"I know you're going through a lot and I shouldn't be adding on and yeah maybe Jona is right, the reason I'm waiting to see if the baby is yours is because I don't know if I can handle it if it is..." I said softly as my tears got harder.

"What do yeh mean?" He asked at a whisper and I shook my head as Iwiped my tears.

"Holly, What are yeh tryin ta say?"

"That...I can't jump into this with you right now even though I want to cause I love you Matty and you know that. I just, I mean if it's yours, it's going to make it harder for me."

"Yeh said it wouldn't matta..." he said seriously.

"It wouldn't. I mean, not really..."

"Juss, yeh wouldn't want meh."

"It's not like that..."

"It's what it's soundin' like." He said as he removed his hand from me.

"I'm sick of playin' this chasin' game wif yeh Holly." He said and I sighed, "this is why I'm telling you this."

"Tellin' meh what? That yeh love meh, but if I have a kid yeh don't wanna be wif meh?! Makes tons of fuckin' sense!" He said aggravated now.

"It does if you'd let me finish!"

"I don't need yeh to Holly. I don't want ta hear anotha fuckin' excuse. That is all yeh have givin' meh lately! Didn't it use ta be tha otha way around?"

"Matt..."

"No. No, I'm not goin' inta this. I'm not arugin' with yeh or beggin' yeh ta be wif meh 'gain. I love yeh and if yeh love me then be wif meh. If not, this ends here. I can't take anymore. Yeh stressin' meh out and fuckin' wif my heart and I have too much shit to deal wif and if tha whole kid fing is just an excuse so yeh don't have ta tell me that yeh don't love meh than spare meh and tell me tha bloody truth."

"It isn't that Matt! I told you I love you..."

"Then what is it?!"

"I just..."

"She doesn't want it to be yours because it isn't hers, Matt. Not that she wants kids now or anyfing, but it makes sense." Jona chimed in and I placed my face into my hands with a groan.

Great.

The room went quiet and I forced myself to look at Matt who was standing in front of me. His eyes still locked on me.

I heard Jona walk up the stairs and I breathed in trying to calm down.

Matt kneeled in front of me and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Holly..." he whispered and I looked from my lap to him.

"It's stupid..." I mumbled.

"No, it's not, love. I'd feel the same way if it was tha otha way round."

"Yes it is. It sounds so selfish and..."

"It's not selfish Holly." He said cutting me off, "if anyfing it makes me love yeh more ta know that yeh love meh so much that yeh want all that wif meh some day."

"Don't hold back cause of that though. Whether it is or not, I still need yeh. I still will love yeh just tha same and I'll still want ta be wif yeh." He added as he cupped my cheek, "And we can still have all those fings togetha and it would be juss as important ta meh as it is ta yeh because yeh are my life."

I nodded and he kissed me softly.

"I love yeh Holly. I love yeh so bloody much." He mumbled against my lips.

"I love you too." I said softly and he pressed his lips to mine.

"Then stop this ok? Be wif meh. We will figure out fings as they unfold but that's what I want. Just like it's always been Holly, us figurin' out life togetha."

I nodded, "Ok."

"No more cryin'." He said brushing his thumbs against my cheek.

"Ok..." I said softly and he kissed my cheek.

"So Holly, gonna be my girlfriend?" He asked with a grin.

I nodded with a smile and he kissed me once more.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all...