It Doesn't Feel a Thing Like Falling.

Once I took as much time as I could I got ready in the bathroom not bothering to put make up on or even dry my hair.

I walked out and to my room where Matt was buttoning his jeans. I bit my lip as I watched him fix his belt as he searched the floor for his shirt.

"It's on the chair." I said causing him to look over at me.

"Oh. Um, fanks..." he said nervously and I knew the damage was done and I felt like crying to be honest.

I felt like something should be said, but I couldn't find the words.

"Are you leaving?" I asked softly and he looked at me after he slid his shirt on.

"I don't know Hols. Do yeh want meh to? Cause it seems like yeh do."

I bit my lip and crossed my arms nervously.

He stared at me waiting patiently and I tried to find the words to tell him I did in fact want him to stay.

I nodded and he sighed, "yes to what? Yeh want meh ta stay?"

I nodded again and he stared at me as if he didn't believe me.

"Yeah." I managed to finally get out.

"I would stay Holly. In fact, I want to, but I have to go to drop dead and help Oli out." He said softly.

I nodded and he took the few steps to me.

"Yeh reallah shouldn't take advantage of a drunk lad." He said jokingly as he cupped my face.

"I did not." I said with a grin. He always could fix an awkward moment.

"Yeh did. First time I've eva been taken advantage of. Kind of liked it." He said causing me to laugh.

"Shut up. Go."

He chuckled and brought my face to his. He kissed me softly.

"I'll come back lata sweetie." He whispered before leaving me alone.

I needed Jona stat.

Once the front door closed I grabbed my phone and dialed the familiar number.

He picked up on the 3rd ring and i spoke quickly, "Come over now. I need you."

"Um...ok?"

"I'll see you soon."

"I don't like the urgency here. I'm scared."

"Jona!"

"Ok! See yeh in a few minutes. Bye."

Once we hung up I began pacing my living room. By the time Jona arrived I was a disaster. He walked in without knocking and looked at me like I was insane.

"I slept with Matt." I blurted out causing his eyes to go wide with shock.

"Well, I mean, shit." He said as he sat down onto the couch.

"What do I do?"

"What happened this morning?" He asked ignoring my question.

"I mean...nothing really. I showered and he was getting dressed when I came back and I asked him if he was leaving and he was like do you want me to stay? because it seems like you don't." I said rolling my eyes and I sat beside Jona.

"And yeh said?"

"I said yes Jona jeez..."

"Well where is he?!"

"He had to go to drop dead so he couldn't stay, then as he's leaving he kisses me!"

"Yeh slept togetha kissin is now nuffin."

I groaned and leaned against his shoulder.

"What do I do?"

"Holly. He loves yeh. He wants ta be wif yeh. Take a chance. What do yeh have ta loose?"

"He might have a baby."

"So?! Holly stop finding excuses. It's not like yeh friendship will eva be normal now."

I whined into his shoulder and he chuckled, "Hols, yeh two are meant ta be togetha. Face it."

"I have a date with Dan tonight..."

"Yeah so? He knows it's fake. Break it off."

"Why yeh so scared Hols?" He asked and I shrugged, "I don't know..."

"Well yeh need ta figure it out."

"I know..." I mumbled.

Once Jona left I was alone with my thoughts and that was never good. Of course I wanted to be with Matt. But since when did he want to be with me? If he even wanted to be. I mean he seemed persistent in me dating Dan, but then the way he acted, well It was just all confusing, and people say girls are confusing. Ha.

"What are yeh doin?" I heard and sat up quickly to see who was the intruder.

Oliver of course.

"I have got to start locking my doors."

"So..." he said sitting beside me.

"Let me guess, Matt told you?"

"He's my best mate course he did. Be glad though cause I want yeh to togetha so I have no problem tellin yeh what he said."

I groaned, "I don't wanna know."

"Yeh do. I would anyways."

"That's what scares me..."

"He said and I quote. Well not directly but yeh know..."

"Oliver! Get it out."

He shot me a look before beginning, "well, he said along the lines of, it was tha best sex he's eva had but besides that..." he said causing my face to turn blood red.

"He said he was even more sure that he has fallen in love wif yeh Hols." He said seriously.

"He did not." I managed to get out and he nodded, "he did so. Why would I lie bout it?"

I breathed in deeply and he spoke, "Yeh love him don't yeh?"

I nodded slowly and he grinned, "then what's the problem love?"

Before I could respond Matty walked in to the living room apparently freshly showered because his hair was still wet.

He gave Oli a stern look and Oli stood up quickly, "Anyways I'm goin ta go. Call meh tonight." He said walking quickly past Matt to avoid talking to him.

"Why was he here?" He asked and I shrugged, "hell if I know he literally got here like 2 minutes before you."

"Mhm." He mumbled not knowing what to believe.

"Why are you here?"

"I told yeh I'd come back didn't I?"

I nodded and he sat beside me.

"We need ta talk bout last night Holly." He said seriously and I bit my lip and stared at the carpet nervously, "No we don't..."

"Yes we do."

I looked up at him, "why?"

"Seriously Holly? We need to because yeh my best mate and we bloody slept togetha."

"Well what is there to talk about?"

He stared at me as if he couldn't believe I was acting this way, but I just wasn't ready to face everything yet.

"I guess nuffin." He said standing up quickly.

"Matt?! All I'm asking is what is there to talk about?! Ok, we slept together! I get that. I was there!"

"Yeah and where does that leave us?!"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, do we pretend like this neva happened?"

"I mean if you want to?"

"Holly! Why cant yeh eva give meh a straight anwa?!" He asked growing frustrated.

I just stared at him and he sighed, "so yeh goin' on that date tonight huh?"

"I don't know.."

He stifled a laugh, "Course yeh don't. Well let me juss say, yeh should go. By all means don't let meh stand in tha way."

"Are you in the way?" I asked trying to get anything out of him.

"Guess not Holly..." he mumbled before walking out without giving me a chance to stop him.

See, a disaster.

I started crying as soon as he left my apartment. I wasn't sure why, but it felt needed.

If he wanted to be this way then so be it. So would I.

I wiped my face and grabbed my phone to text Dan and tell him I hope we were still on for tonight.

Ha. Take that Matt.

I quickly got up and went to my room to get ready.

I was now determined to have a good time just to spite him.

Around 8 Dan showed up and I grabbed my purse and quickly ran to the door.

"Ready?" He asked with a grin.

I nodded and I stepped out, locking the door behind me.

"So all this juss cause Matt? I should be a bit offended I assume, but I'm a bit flattered you think I'm attractive enough to make him jealous." He said with a smile causing me to laugh.

"Maybe that was the excuse I told jona to tell you when really maybe I just wanted to go on a date with you."

He laughed, "you wouldn't need an excuse, love. Let me tell you that."

"Wow. We get drunk once together and now everything is free game?" I teased. I felt a bit free flirting with Dan. Instead of the normal stressed out I was lately. It was kind of, well, fun.

He opened his car door for me and I got in quickly.

Well this wasn't so bad so far. Then again, he was nice the first time we hung out.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"Well, since this was short notice..." he said giving me a smile, "...I was thinking we should do something fun."

"Like what?"

"Well I was thinking I would take you to dinner first. I'm not that off tradition here." He joked and I laughed, "ok and then?"

"Well, we will go from there. I have some ideas."

"Why am I scared?" I asked laughing.

He chuckled, "i don't know! Don't be."

We ended up talking the whole way to the restaurant which shocked me but for some reason he was easy to talk to.

"So was I the first option?" He asked as we got seated at a table.

"The only one. Jona mentioned you."

"Ah i see. Because I'm a drummer?" He asked chuckling.

"That had something to do with it."

"Way to give a low blow Holly." He joked.

"Oh no. Jona did it."

"You agreed."

I shrugged, "You're cute. I wasn't going to object."

He grinned, "Being used isn't as bad as I would have thought..."

I started laughing and he smiled up from his menu, "You're pretty cute so I couldn't object."

"We seem to think a like..."

"Yeah well, you know what they say, great minds think a like."

"Do they now?" I asked laughing.

"I think so...not too sure."

I giggled as the Waiter walked over. I don't know why this was a planned date because this was fun and I'd gladly do it again without Jona's help.

"Hey Holly." Dan said with a grin as we walked down the sidewalk aimlessly.

"Hey Dannn."

He chuckled, "You know, I'd like to go on a date you actually want. Go on."

"Do I seem like I don't want to be here?"

He smiled, "Not what I'm saying. Just, one that isn't forced."

"It isn't. I'm havin fun with you."

"Yeah?"

I nodded and he smiled, "So...we could maybe do this again?"

"I'd like that." I said even though Matt was in the back of my head. I needed to get over him. It just had to be done.

The rest of the night with Dan was the break I had needed. No stress, no fake pretending to be happy just real laughter and light conversation.

By the time Dan dropped me off I was in a really good mood.

"So, I'll call you some time. Probably tomorrow but I don't want to sound desperate so I'll say some time soon..."

I giggled, "oh ok gotcha!"

He smiled as we reached my door, "I had fun tonight."

"Me too. Glad we did this. Fake or not."

He laughed and kissed my cheek, "me too. Goodnight Hols."

"Goodnight." I said with a grin before walking into my apartment happier than I've been in days.

But that all came crashing down when I saw Matt sitting on my couch. I jumped at the sight of him and placed my hand on my chest.

"Shit. you scared me. Matty...what are you doing here?"

"How was yeh date?" He asked boringly.

"Um, it was, ok."

"So that daze like smile wasn't real?" H asked standing up.

I didn't know what to say since everything seemed to piss him off.

"Right. Well glad yeh had a bloody good time."

"Matt, why were you here?" I asked grabbing his arm before he passed me.

"Morgan called meh, she found out what she's havin'. I juss needed to vent." He said shrugging as he removed my hand from him.

"Matty...stay." I said feeling a bit bad.

"No forget it. Don't let meh ruin yeh good mood."

"Matty stop being like this. Stay." I said grabbing his hand and he stared at me in debate.

I wanted him to go but I knew now that I've seen him, I'd be thinking about him the rest of the night.

"I don't wanna here bout Dan. Talk ta Jona bout that shit."

I nodded and he sighed, "Fine."

"Now...tell me what happened." I said as we sat on the couch.

"Nuffin she juss called, she's havin a boy." He mumbled with a shrug, "I mean, I hate like bein slightly excited, but I mean what if it's mine and this is reallah happenin'..."

I shrugged not really knowing what to say.

"Well it'll be cute if it's yours..."

"Way to be supportive. I'd ratha it not beh."

"Awe a little Matty. I'm a bit excited." I said clapping my hands together.

"Didn't yeh say yeh hoped it wasn't mine?"

"I still do but I have to make the best out of every possibility."

He sighed and I spoke, "Ok. Sorry. You're right. I don't want it to be yours, but if it is, well, I'd love it because I love you."

He sighed and leaned his head against the back of the couch his eyes still on me.

"I'm sorry bout earlier today. I juss have a lot on my mind lately. I'm sorrah yeh got the end of it."

I shrugged, "it's ok."

"And I'm sorry we slept togetha, I didn't mean for it ta happen and I hope it doesn't change anyfing between us cause I love yeh Hols, yeh my best mate. I don't wanna lose yeh ova some stupid mistake.." He said and it's like every word came out in slow motion.

Mistake.

So that's what it was for him.

I felt my throat close up and I nodded because I knew if I spoke I'd choke on tears.

I don't know why it hurt so much but it felt like he had stabbed me in my chest.

"So, are we ok?" He asked and I nodded trying to not cry and run to Jona like my life was over.

"Why aren't yeh talkin?" He asked chuckling.

Before I had to speak there was a knock on my door. I shrugged at Matt before quickly getting up and running to the door.

I opened it and to my surprise Dan was standing there.

"You know, I got all the way home and got to thinking how in the world will I be able to contact that pretty girl without her having her phone." He said holding out my cell phone.

A smile hit my face and I leaned against the door, "good question."

"So being the nice sort of desperate guy I am, I brought it back."

I laughed softly, "that's sweet of you."

He smiled, "here yeh go pretty girl. I think this deserves at least you answering my phone call."

"You know, I think you can count on that."

Because I was through with Matt.

He grinned, "Then, I will talk to you tomorrow."

I nodded, "Be careful."

"Goodnight again."

I chuckled and said goodnight before closing the door.

"Who was that?" Matt asked from his spot on the couch.

"Dan. Left my phone in his car."

"Mhm." He mumbled.

"Well, I'm going to change and go to bed so..." I said trying to get him to leave so I could call Jona.

I really needed friends that were girls before I turned Jona gay.

"So I should leave so yeh can talk ta Jona?" He asked and I nodded honestly.

He sighed, "Fine..."

"I mean you can stay..."

"No. I'd ratha not hear it."

I shrugged, "Oh well your loss."

I was done trying if he didn't care. It really was that simple.

Well, in my mind it was. My heart believed something differently, but I tried to tune that out this time.

"Mhm. Goodnight Holly." He said with a fake grin before he walked past me. I closed my eyes trying not to take every thing he did so personally.

"Come lock tha door." He said knocking me out of my thoughts. Once he left an the door was locked I dialed Jona's number as tears began to spill.

This was becoming too routine.