Soldier
curtain call.
The Gerries had forced us into a stalemate. Ever since I'd come back from the aid station there had been no advancement and after the sixth day in the same damn trench I began to despise the Somme. I was pretty sure that, when I was a young boy, my father had taken me to the Somme to fish. It didn't look like I'd remembered it.
The new soldiers were restless in their posts, they'd get over excited on their watch and it pissed off both Ben and I to see such clueless, careless behaviour. When we first joined up the war we had been a tight knit group and now that more than half of us had been killed or injured during the fighting it was difficult to be friendly with the replacements. Time in the trenches would have been easier had we been sent over the top rather than be left to ourselves. Of course we weren't totally free from our duties, but with the stalemate forcing us to stay in our position there wasn't much to do except wait for the order. To be honest, the waiting was the hardest part.
Matthew, the poor boy, had secluded himself from all of us and found it difficult to even eat with us. Because the replacements didn't know what he was like before our assaults only Ben and I really cared about his mental state, and even then that wasn't a lot. When we finally did get the word that we were to go over the top Matthew seemed different, or at least slightly more alert. It was as if he had been planning something meticulously in his head and this was the missing piece he'd been looking for. I tried not to think too much about what we were going to do the next morning. My argument, to stop myself from worrying, was that I had done it before and survived so this wouldn't make any difference. It did.
I had been awake for hours before we were forced up by our CO and when he began to shout at us it almost felt like a comfort. We were to prepare our rifles and fix our bayonets to them before we were to be counted in. One soldier, a replacement, needed help from another soldier because his hands were shaking so much. He had never fought like this before. When we were all ready and waiting for the countdown to battle Ben, who was standing beside me, shook my hand and wished me luck.
I was a bit surprised at first but wished him luck too. It was in those few moments, that seemed to last for a lifetime, that I really looked at the other soldiers. I hadn't got to know most of them and they may very well be dead within the next ten minutes. Most of them had their fear written all over their face while others feigned a strong composure. Matthew was fidgeting and breathing heavily at the back of the line, it was only when our officer started the countdown and a shot was fired that I realised what had been going through Matthew's mind all this time. He killed himself rather than face Gerrie fire. I wondered if anyone would bury his body.
There was a short pause before the countdown restarted and by now most of the soldiers were shaken up by Matthew's action. I tried not to let it distract me. When the whistle blew I breathed in deeply, climbing the ladder behind another soldier whose name I'd forgotten, and ran across No Man's land with my gun blazing. As I ran my surroundings began to blur. It took me a short while to realise that I had been shouting ever since the whistle had blown and my throat was sore. A sharp wind hit me in the face and my eyes began to water as the Germans fired back at us with machine guns. It was then that the bullet hit me. I didn't even have time to cry out before more pierced my skin. I fell to the ground and looked up at the morning sky. I smiled. A bird was soaring over the battleground, oblivious to what was happening beneath it. I joined the war wondering what it would feel like to die. Now I knew.
The new soldiers were restless in their posts, they'd get over excited on their watch and it pissed off both Ben and I to see such clueless, careless behaviour. When we first joined up the war we had been a tight knit group and now that more than half of us had been killed or injured during the fighting it was difficult to be friendly with the replacements. Time in the trenches would have been easier had we been sent over the top rather than be left to ourselves. Of course we weren't totally free from our duties, but with the stalemate forcing us to stay in our position there wasn't much to do except wait for the order. To be honest, the waiting was the hardest part.
Matthew, the poor boy, had secluded himself from all of us and found it difficult to even eat with us. Because the replacements didn't know what he was like before our assaults only Ben and I really cared about his mental state, and even then that wasn't a lot. When we finally did get the word that we were to go over the top Matthew seemed different, or at least slightly more alert. It was as if he had been planning something meticulously in his head and this was the missing piece he'd been looking for. I tried not to think too much about what we were going to do the next morning. My argument, to stop myself from worrying, was that I had done it before and survived so this wouldn't make any difference. It did.
I had been awake for hours before we were forced up by our CO and when he began to shout at us it almost felt like a comfort. We were to prepare our rifles and fix our bayonets to them before we were to be counted in. One soldier, a replacement, needed help from another soldier because his hands were shaking so much. He had never fought like this before. When we were all ready and waiting for the countdown to battle Ben, who was standing beside me, shook my hand and wished me luck.
I was a bit surprised at first but wished him luck too. It was in those few moments, that seemed to last for a lifetime, that I really looked at the other soldiers. I hadn't got to know most of them and they may very well be dead within the next ten minutes. Most of them had their fear written all over their face while others feigned a strong composure. Matthew was fidgeting and breathing heavily at the back of the line, it was only when our officer started the countdown and a shot was fired that I realised what had been going through Matthew's mind all this time. He killed himself rather than face Gerrie fire. I wondered if anyone would bury his body.
There was a short pause before the countdown restarted and by now most of the soldiers were shaken up by Matthew's action. I tried not to let it distract me. When the whistle blew I breathed in deeply, climbing the ladder behind another soldier whose name I'd forgotten, and ran across No Man's land with my gun blazing. As I ran my surroundings began to blur. It took me a short while to realise that I had been shouting ever since the whistle had blown and my throat was sore. A sharp wind hit me in the face and my eyes began to water as the Germans fired back at us with machine guns. It was then that the bullet hit me. I didn't even have time to cry out before more pierced my skin. I fell to the ground and looked up at the morning sky. I smiled. A bird was soaring over the battleground, oblivious to what was happening beneath it. I joined the war wondering what it would feel like to die. Now I knew.
♠ ♠ ♠
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