Status: Completed; finally.
Shooting Love in Real Time.
Twelve.
It was now well into November and Thanksgiving was right around the corner. Alex and I had been broken up now for three weeks and I was starting to fit back into my routine. The pain hadn’t subsided, but I was learning to deal with it. I just kept reminding myself that it was all for the best, and that Alex agreed. That’s what he’d been continuing to tell the guys.
James had stayed over a couple of times the first week, and once or twice since. He was my go-to-guy when I was feeling down. I still felt like I was putting too much responsibility on Marissa and Jack’s shoulders and avoided opening up to them too much. They said Alex was doing fine, that he was getting back to normal, but he’d not spoken to me again since that first night. I’d noticed his stuff gradually being removed from our bedroom when I came home from school. His guitar was the first to go, his clothes started to follow after. Pictures of us still hung around the house, but I’d noticed one of the pictures had disappeared from his bedside table about a week after we’d broken up and I felt a little comforted by that. I didn’t even know if it was him that had taken it, or if it was an attempt to get him to talk about me by one of our friends.
“So, are you coming round on Thursday?” Marissa asked. It was the Monday before Thanksgiving now, and I’d had two invitations for dinner that Thursday. Jack and Marissa, of course, being one offer, my parents and the Gaskarth’s being another. I didn’t know which one would be more uncomfortable, nor had Alex given anyone an answer about what he was doing. I definitely wasn’t going to go to my parents, knowing I’d have to face Alex’s parents at the same time. Once upon a time, that had made my life easier, and we’d usually go to see our parents first and finish off with dinner with the guys. Now it made my life impossible.
“I don’t know,” I shrugged.
“Come on, where else are you going to go? And don’t say you’ll have dinner with your parents, because we both know that isn’t going to happen when Alex’s parents are going to be there too.”
“I think I’d rather face his parents than risk facing him and making your day uncomfortable.”
“He’s not coming. He said he was going to visit his parents so you could come over.” I sighed. There he goes, being the better person.
“Fine, I’ll come round. But make sure he knows he can come too, I don’t want him to feel like I’m trying to push him out. He’s been a constant friend to you guys, I’ve flitted in and out on a whim.” Marissa pulled a face at me, making to say something about me being stupid, when Alex’s voice floated through from upstairs. I knew he was here, upstairs with Jack doing whatever, but I don’t think he knew I was here. Like I said, we weren’t on speaking terms just yet.
“I wish you could see your face right now, ‘cause you’re grinning like a fool,” he sang softly, guitar strumming away. “We’re sitting on your kitchen floor, on a Tuesday afternoon. It doesn’t matter when we get back to doing what we do, ‘cause right now could last forever just as long as I’m with you.”
I didn’t know whether to smile or cry. I remembered the day, right after he’d last come back from tour, when things finally felt like they were going to get back on track. When he’d told me we would get married; have kids; be together forever. I knew it was his way of coping, writing about what he felt. I’d been the same once upon a time, but I’d lost that part of me long ago. Just another reason I wasn’t the same girl he’d fallen in love with.
“I think we should go out,” I stated, as he continued to sing.
“Just let me grab my coat,” Marissa replied, leaving me in the kitchen alone.
“We never stood a chance out there, shooting love in real time,” Alex continued from upstairs. He was right, of course, we worked on paper, even in real life long ago, but we didn’t seem to work in the real world. At least I wasn’t the only one to know it now.
Marissa returned, and we hopped into her car and drove out into town for a coffee or two.
“He is doing fine, you know,” Marissa told me, filling the silence that had gone uninterrupted for a couple of minutes while I stared at my half empty coffee cup.
“I know. I know that’s his way of dealing with things. He wouldn’t be showing Jack what he’d written if he was still upset about it, trust me.”
“What about you?”
“I’m… coping. Things are starting to get back to normal, school is keeping me occupied. It still hurts, you know? But it was the right thing to do, I’ve always known that. I think it’d be safe to assume I’m in the same place as Alex, maybe a couple of steps behind, but I’m getting there.”
Marissa nodded, though the look on her face said she was either hiding something from me or didn’t believe me. That was fine by me, because God only knows I was hiding a lot from her right now.
“But, anyway, I think I’m going to change my major,” I told her. It was sudden and it was Alex that had brought it on. He’d reminded me of the importance of writing to me as a person, and how lost I felt without it in my life. It was the one thing I had always been truly passionate about. “I’ve decided I want to start writing again. I’m thinking I’m going to major in English now, mix in a few creative writing and journalism classes. See where it takes me.”
“But you’ve been set on being a doctor since you came back from Arizona…”
“I think that was an overreaction. I was falling back into the girl I had been in High School and I was scared, so I picked up biology and it spawned from there. At the end of the day, I’ve still taken an English class or two along the way.” I shrugged, smiling properly for the first time in a long while. Everything that had just spilled from my mouth was completely true, and I was only realising it as I said it. It brought me back to a little piece of the girl I wanted to be, back to being Jasey Rae, the girl who knew how to laugh, how to have fun, and would have done anything for her friends.
“Well, I’m happy for you. When are you going to sort your classes out?”
“We’re picking next semester’s classes soon, so I’m going to switch it up then. I’m gonna keep some of the same, but I think it’s going to change quite a bit.”
James had stayed over a couple of times the first week, and once or twice since. He was my go-to-guy when I was feeling down. I still felt like I was putting too much responsibility on Marissa and Jack’s shoulders and avoided opening up to them too much. They said Alex was doing fine, that he was getting back to normal, but he’d not spoken to me again since that first night. I’d noticed his stuff gradually being removed from our bedroom when I came home from school. His guitar was the first to go, his clothes started to follow after. Pictures of us still hung around the house, but I’d noticed one of the pictures had disappeared from his bedside table about a week after we’d broken up and I felt a little comforted by that. I didn’t even know if it was him that had taken it, or if it was an attempt to get him to talk about me by one of our friends.
“So, are you coming round on Thursday?” Marissa asked. It was the Monday before Thanksgiving now, and I’d had two invitations for dinner that Thursday. Jack and Marissa, of course, being one offer, my parents and the Gaskarth’s being another. I didn’t know which one would be more uncomfortable, nor had Alex given anyone an answer about what he was doing. I definitely wasn’t going to go to my parents, knowing I’d have to face Alex’s parents at the same time. Once upon a time, that had made my life easier, and we’d usually go to see our parents first and finish off with dinner with the guys. Now it made my life impossible.
“I don’t know,” I shrugged.
“Come on, where else are you going to go? And don’t say you’ll have dinner with your parents, because we both know that isn’t going to happen when Alex’s parents are going to be there too.”
“I think I’d rather face his parents than risk facing him and making your day uncomfortable.”
“He’s not coming. He said he was going to visit his parents so you could come over.” I sighed. There he goes, being the better person.
“Fine, I’ll come round. But make sure he knows he can come too, I don’t want him to feel like I’m trying to push him out. He’s been a constant friend to you guys, I’ve flitted in and out on a whim.” Marissa pulled a face at me, making to say something about me being stupid, when Alex’s voice floated through from upstairs. I knew he was here, upstairs with Jack doing whatever, but I don’t think he knew I was here. Like I said, we weren’t on speaking terms just yet.
“I wish you could see your face right now, ‘cause you’re grinning like a fool,” he sang softly, guitar strumming away. “We’re sitting on your kitchen floor, on a Tuesday afternoon. It doesn’t matter when we get back to doing what we do, ‘cause right now could last forever just as long as I’m with you.”
I didn’t know whether to smile or cry. I remembered the day, right after he’d last come back from tour, when things finally felt like they were going to get back on track. When he’d told me we would get married; have kids; be together forever. I knew it was his way of coping, writing about what he felt. I’d been the same once upon a time, but I’d lost that part of me long ago. Just another reason I wasn’t the same girl he’d fallen in love with.
“I think we should go out,” I stated, as he continued to sing.
“Just let me grab my coat,” Marissa replied, leaving me in the kitchen alone.
“We never stood a chance out there, shooting love in real time,” Alex continued from upstairs. He was right, of course, we worked on paper, even in real life long ago, but we didn’t seem to work in the real world. At least I wasn’t the only one to know it now.
Marissa returned, and we hopped into her car and drove out into town for a coffee or two.
“He is doing fine, you know,” Marissa told me, filling the silence that had gone uninterrupted for a couple of minutes while I stared at my half empty coffee cup.
“I know. I know that’s his way of dealing with things. He wouldn’t be showing Jack what he’d written if he was still upset about it, trust me.”
“What about you?”
“I’m… coping. Things are starting to get back to normal, school is keeping me occupied. It still hurts, you know? But it was the right thing to do, I’ve always known that. I think it’d be safe to assume I’m in the same place as Alex, maybe a couple of steps behind, but I’m getting there.”
Marissa nodded, though the look on her face said she was either hiding something from me or didn’t believe me. That was fine by me, because God only knows I was hiding a lot from her right now.
“But, anyway, I think I’m going to change my major,” I told her. It was sudden and it was Alex that had brought it on. He’d reminded me of the importance of writing to me as a person, and how lost I felt without it in my life. It was the one thing I had always been truly passionate about. “I’ve decided I want to start writing again. I’m thinking I’m going to major in English now, mix in a few creative writing and journalism classes. See where it takes me.”
“But you’ve been set on being a doctor since you came back from Arizona…”
“I think that was an overreaction. I was falling back into the girl I had been in High School and I was scared, so I picked up biology and it spawned from there. At the end of the day, I’ve still taken an English class or two along the way.” I shrugged, smiling properly for the first time in a long while. Everything that had just spilled from my mouth was completely true, and I was only realising it as I said it. It brought me back to a little piece of the girl I wanted to be, back to being Jasey Rae, the girl who knew how to laugh, how to have fun, and would have done anything for her friends.
“Well, I’m happy for you. When are you going to sort your classes out?”
“We’re picking next semester’s classes soon, so I’m going to switch it up then. I’m gonna keep some of the same, but I think it’s going to change quite a bit.”