Shooting Love in Real Time.

I stayed on the floor, curled up like that, for over an hour. I stopped crying fairly quickly, and started to think about everything Alex had said. It didn’t make me feel better, knowing that he hadn’t given up. I still felt as if we weren’t going to work, and he was still blindly holding on. I’d had a few texts from Jack and Marissa, telling me to feel better soon, that they’d be over to check on me in the morning. That made me smile; it made me feel like I wasn’t going to lose everything over this.
I stood up to go for a shower, shooting off a text to James in the meantime. He had already informed me that his parents were away, and he was planning on spending Thanksgiving at home, studying and eating take-out food. I invited him over, and went for a shower, changing into my pyjamas once I was done. It wasn’t long after that when James showed up.
He’d brought microwave popcorn and cheesy movies and I laughed at him, sitting down on the sofa and covering myself with the blanket. It was halfway through the film before I started to explain what had happened today. I told him exactly what Alex had said to me, explaining that I felt bad because I knew nothing more would happen. I’d taken to leaving out the fact that I was still in love with him whenever I had to explain what was happening to anyone (including the frequent visits from Marissa asking for an update), because it became too difficult to then explain why we weren’t together and what was stopping me from getting back together with him.
Today, for the first time, it made me feel like I was lying about the situation. Like I was making Alex out to be some sort of a love sick puppy who wouldn’t take no for an answer. I think, maybe, next time I needed to explain it better. Or, better yet, I won’t explain it to anyone, not unless Alex mentions it first.
I explain about what I thought was Alex moving to kiss me, about everything he had said to me and tried my best not to cry. It was starting to feel like a weakness, and I didn’t want to let it out anymore. I just needed to face the problem in my own mind and figure out exactly what was happening in my own mind and what I was going to do with it.
The next thing I knew, James has his lips on mine. I was so shocked it took me a few seconds before I understood fully what was happening. I began to push him away, moving my face to the side, away from his. Apparently unable to take a hint, James moved with me, pulling me closer to him. I started hitting my hands to his chest, trying to make him understand.
“Get the fuck off,” I panted out. He finally backed off, looking at me puzzled. I jumped up and moved toward the door, eyeing him warily. “What the hell?!”
“What do you mean ‘what the hell’? You’ve been flirting with me for weeks!”
I stared at him, utterly gobsmacked. Did he really think that’s what this was?
“Even before you broke up with you boyfriend, you flirted with me like there was no tomorrow. And then you break up, and you’re suddenly inviting me over all the time? I expected you to make the move ages ago!”
“I think you should go,” I told him, calmly. It was gone 8pm now and I knew there would be no one out and about, so I moved and opened the door for him.
“Are you for real? You’ve been coming on to me for weeks, and now suddenly I’m the bad guy for doing something about it?” His voice was rising with every word he said, and I began to look over my shoulder to check there was no one about.
“James, we can talk about this another day, but right now I think it’s best you leave.”
“You’ve been telling me for days that you’re no longer in love with your ex, making out like you’re ready to move on, dropping hints like there’s no tomorrow! What the fuck!” He moved closer to me and I inwardly flinched. I can’t believe how badly the wires were getting crossed.
“I’ve been dropping hints?! When the hell did I ever tell you I was over Alex?!” My calm exterior slipped a little when responding and I raised my voice to match his. Jasey Rae does not take this kind of crap lying down. “You need to get the hell out of my house before I make you go.” I’d stopped caring about who was out on the street now, who was snooping through their curtains. I know they’d been peeping on me since Alex and I split; I could feel them staring every time I walked in alone, or he went into Jack’s on a night. I’d seen them spying through their curtains more than once. He scoffed at me, picking up his coat and walking toward the door.
“You’re going to regret this.”
He left without another word and I shut the door quickly, locking it behind him.
God damn, I fucked up.