Innocence

“Fuck!” I whisper as I look at the prices of the cribs at the local Babies R Us.

“Oh, I love this one, perfect for our boy!" Matt says, I glance towards the crib she’s talking about. It’s a beautiful brown oak and has a bed with blue sail boats on it.

“Matt, it’s over a thousand dollars!” I say, picking up a blue stuffed elephant. I hold it to my stomach and the baby kicks. I smile with satisfaction.

“Well I'm buying it!” he says. “I don't want you spending your hard earned money on a crib, he'll only sleep in for a years.”

“I'm buying it.” He says.

“Fine!” I reply. I roll my eyes and put the blue elephant down. He gets a salesman and sets everything up for our baby.

I look at baby stuff, pacifiers, bottles, formula mixes, diapers, the whole nine yards. I see the prices and realize again that there’s no fucking way I’ll be able to afford all of the essentials on my own, without Matt.

I stop at a red light and go as it turns green. Out of the corner of my eye, I see the flash of a white truck flying down the road on my right side. He slams into the side of my mini cooper. I feel the car spin out of control into the next lane, I’m hit again by another car I can’t see. I’m thrown against the steering wheel and thrown back against the seat. My hands grip the steering wheel in fear. The spinning stops and I’m in the middle of the road at prime time traffic. Luckily, everyone’s stopped.

A man shouts as he pounds on my window. I hear him vaguely, as if I’m slipping under the water of a pool. My eyes feel heavy and I black out.

The next thing I know, I’m lying on my back and strapped to a board while being pushed down a long brightly lit hallway. I hear someone shouting my name, but I can’t figure out who it is until I feel their hand grip mine.

“Oh god!” Dylan says with fear in his voice. “Maci, what the fuck happened?” he asks in horror. I want to speak, but I can’t.

I’m pulled onto a table under a brightly lit light. My head is pounding. Why the fuck does the Emergency Room have to be so damn bright? Matt still has my hand in his. I don’t want him to let go.

"18 year old pregnant female, car accident. Lacerated forehead, possible concussion and a possible broken left wrist,” a loud booming voice shouts.

“All right, we’re going to need an X-ray of the wrist and an ultrasound to access the baby. First, let’s stitch up that nasty gash on her forehead,” another one booms.

“Are you okay, honey?” a nurse asks me.

“My boyfriend,” I whimper.

“He’s here, sweetie. He’s got your hand,” she says. I feel Matt rubbing his thumb back and forth over my hand. I try to look at him, but the neck brace forbids me to move my head. “We’ll take it off after we stitch your wound. Do you have any known allergies to medicine?” she asks. I shake my head. “Any allergies at all?” I shake my head again. “How far along are you?” she asks.

“Six almost seven months,” I say.

“Do you know what you’re having?” she asks.

“Yes,” I say.

“We’re just going to numb your forehead, you’ll feel a slight pull, just hold on to his hand tight, okay?” she tells me. I nod and feel the cold prick of the needle just above my left eyebrow. After a few minutes, I can’t feel it at all, except for the pulling sensation like the nurse said I would. But soon enough, it’s done and she’s back in front of my face. “We put ten in with gauze strips over it,” she says.

“Do you have a headache?” a doctor asks.

“Not really,” I say.

“What do you mean?”

“The bright lights a fucking pain,” I complain. He laughs and turns them off. He asks me a series of stupid questions, what’s my name, what’s the date and who’s president. He says I’m fine, no concussion.

She rips the Velcro straps of the neck brace off and releases my head and neck from the stiff brace. She gently puts my head into a stack of deep pillows. Matt holds my right hand tightly as he walks up to the head of the bed. I let out a few tears of pain as I can feel the sharp shooting pain in my left wrist.

After an X-ray of the wrist, I’m told it’s broken and am casted in a black cast up to my elbow. I’m given a sling and told not to move my arm.

“What about the baby?” Matt asks worried.

“We’ll do the ultrasound right now,” the nurse reassures us. She wheels a big portable ultrasound machine into the room. She pulls up my shirt and applies the goo on my belly. Matt puts a reassuring hand on my left shoulder, he bends down and kisses my cheek.

“Yeah,” I say. I’m scared, though. I want the baby to be fine, even though I haven’t felt a kick in a while.

“All right, honey, here’s your baby,” the nurse says. “He looks fine. He's moving around a little, which is good and his’ heart rate is going at a nice rate. But, we’ll monitor you two for a few hours before we release you, just to be sure.”

“That’s a good thing?” Matt asks.

“Yes, it is,” the nurse says.

"How'd you find me?" I ask Matt an hour later. I'm hooked up to a thousand beeping machines. They're all for the baby, who's heartbeat is thumping through the room, as if he's talking to us, letting us know that's he's alive.

"I saw it happen. I was behind that white truck, that fuckard just drove away," he says in disgust.

"It was you pounding on the door," I say. He nods. He sits back in his chair and looks up. I feel tears falling out of my eyes.

"Hey, hey, it's okay," he says, jumping up and sitting on my bed.

"Hold me," I cry. He hesitates, but climbs into the bed next to me. He wraps his arm around my shoulder as I rest my head against his chest. I let the tears flow.

"It's okay," he says, soothing me. "He's fine, you're fine and I have you both here, that's all that matters," he says. He reaches down and places his large hand on my stomach. Our son kicks my skin and Matt jumps a little. I laugh. "Does he always do that?"

"Yup," I say.

"Jesus crow, it's like you've got a soccor team in there," he exclaims, putting his hand back on my stomach.

"There's only one," I say with a laugh. He looks at me and laughs, kissing my forehead before I snuggle into his chest and close my eyes, exhausted from the days events, but grateful that my baby, my son, our son, is alive and well.

“Your car’s wrecked, babe,” Matt tells me the next day as I’m lying on the couch wrapped in a blanket.

“No shit, I got hit like three times,” I say.

“Twice actually,” he says. I roll my eyes. “I tried to fix it, but I can’t. There’s too much damage,” he says.

“Yeah, so how am I going to get to the doctor’s office now?” I ask.

“Call Sara.”

“She’s at work,” I tell him.

“What about Johnny?”

“Studio.”

"I need to go to the studio too!"

“And I can’t ditch a baby doctor’s appointment! What the fuck’s wrong with you? We have a baby on the way and I was just in an accident and I need to go to this appointment to make sure that he’s okay! Matt, I need you to drive me! No one else knows about the accident except for you! Why can’t you help me out for two hours? That’s all it’ll take!”

“Fine! Damnit! I’ll take you, but if I get shit from the guys I swear,” Matt begins.

“No...we won't have problems with anyone, I'm pregnant!" I say.

“God, what the fuck’s wrong with you? Did you bang your head in that accident or something? You’ve never been this testy before,” he says.

“Dylan, I’m beyond tired and pissed off. I don’t have a car anymore and that means that I won’t be able to get myself to the places I need to get to!” I say.

“Fine, just shut the fuck up and let’s go already!” Matt shouts. I stand up and get my purse. We walk out the door without another word. The silence follows us all the way to the waiting room. Finally, the nurse comes and I’m brought into the back.

“Hi! How are you feeling?” Dr. Yung asks.

“I’m fine.” I say.

“So, you got in an accident,” Dr. Yung says.

“Yeah, I did. And I went to the Emergency Room and they took care of everything. I had an ultrasound there to make sure the baby was fine, they said he was and I spent a few hours hooked up to the machines just in case and then I got released,” I say.

“You broke your arm?” Dr. Yung notices.

“Yeah, I’m not on painkillers,” I say.

“So, you’re healing naturally?” she asks.

“Yeah.”

“Does it hurt?” she asks.

“Like a bitch,” I say.

“Well, you can take some pain relief, just not the heavy duty stuff,” she says.

“Oh,” I say.

“But just be careful,” she reminds me.

“I will,” I say.

“All right, we’ll just do a routine exam and an ultrasound to be sure he’s okay." she asks.

“Yeah,” Matt and I both say.

“It is a boy, I saw his thing,” he says.

“Okay.,” she says.

I lie back on the table and let Dr. Yung do whatever it is she does every time I’m in this room. She measures my large belly and listens to the heartbeat and does all over her normal doctor stuff before giving me an ultrasound. Matt has his eyes peeled on me, I look at him a few times but then look out the window.

“Everything’s looking great,” she says. “Now let’s see your baby,” she says. Matt looks at me anxiously and then moves up to the head of the bed. I reach for his hand and he takes it into his and holds on tight.

Dr. Yung squirts the goo all over my belly and then rolls the wand around until she finds the baby on the screen. She watches the screen for a few minutes. The baby kicks and moves around a little as if to put on a show for his doctor, letting her know that he’s safe in his mommy’s belly.

“I love you,” I say, kissing Matt when we reach the studio.

“Love you too. I’” he says. I laugh once more and kiss him again before getting out of the car and slamming the door shut. We go inside hand in hand, our friends smile at us, as we sit on the couch, Matt has an hour to spare before he has to sing.