Get off the Ledge and Drop the Knife

*Bert’s POV*
I exited the club through the side door with Quinn, Jeph,
and Dan. I think we played a damn good show and I was psyched to finally get on
tour. I knew we were going to blow peoples’ minds.
“Yo, Quinn! Toss me one!” I shouted over the sound of Dan
and Jeph enthusing over our show. I was referring to the cigarette he was lighting.
He obliged and soon I had the small white stick between my lips and lit.
“Bert man, your story was genius,” Dan praised me for the hundredth
time since I unveiled my idea to them. They didn’t know it was really about
Gerard. They didn’t need to.
“Thanks, Dan,” I gave him a small smile and took a long drag
from my cigarette. I looked up to the starts and wondered what Gerard was
doing. As cheesy as it may sound, I know that wherever he is he can see the
same stars I can. I thought back to how I saw Frank run out of the club pretty
quickly and Gerard followed soon after. They probably went home to fuck. Yes,
the thought of that brought an ache to my heart because yes, I still love him.
But what I said earlier was true, I was over him. I could live with the thought
of knowing he loved someone else. As long as he was living. After taking
another drag of my cigarette, I could have sworn I hear a sound. Something like
a sob. A human sob. My brow furrowed in confusion; surely everyone had gone
home by now. I rounded the brick wall corner, toward the front of the club. I
saw someone slumped over against the wall, uncontrollable sobs escaping his or
her lips, their body shaking just as uncontrollably.
“Hello?” I asked, as to make my presence known.
The person looked up and I instantly recognized the pale
skin and the stringy black hair.
“Gerard?” I asked, although it was obvious who it was. “Gerard,
what happened?” I crouched down to his lever and stuck my cigarette between his
lips.
He took a long drag gratefully before shrugging in the most
unconvincing way I’d ever seen. “Nothing,” was his answer, as shakes and sobs
still escaped him.
“Bullshit. Your pretty little face is tear stained. Your eye
liner has run , too,” I informed him.
He nodded, “I know.” And with that his body became
uncontrollable again as he leaned into me, causing me to change my position to
support him. I took the cigarette out of his mouth before he burned one of us.
I tossed it on the ground; it was almost done anyway.
“I n-never said I-I loved him,” he choked out between sobs.
I knew immediately who he was talking about. Frank.
“I know. Do you?”
“No,” he answered, without much thought.
“No?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted.
“Do you hate me?”
“No.”
“No?”
“No.”
“Where’s Frank?”
“He left,” Gerard croaked, his voice showing the strain of
all his crying.
“He left?”
He nodded.
“Why?”
“He found out about my ugly past.”
“He didn’t know?”
Gerard shook his head, “I didn’t want to tell him. I couldn’t
tell him. He would think I’m a monster. A horrible human being. I didn’t want
to risk that. He probably thinks that know though.”
Shit. I thought he knew. I thought Gerard told Frank. Shit.
I just told him in front of a club full of people. I just wrecked everything. “Gerard,
I’m so sorry. This is all my fault.” I scrambled to get up. Maybe I could find
Frank and set things straight.
“What are you doing?” Gerard asked at my sudden movement.
“I’m gonna find Frank. I didn’t know you didn’t tell him. I
just ruined everything,” I announced.
“Stay.” He pulled me back to my seating position, cradling
him.
“You have to hate me,” I stated.
“I don’t.”
“You should.”
“I don’t.”
“Okay,” I nodded. I decided to just stay silent as we sat
under the same stars together.

I felt Gerard move on top of me. I didn't know what he was doing since I had closed my eyes. After a while, he stopped moving and I opened my eyes just in time to see his face a centimeter away from mine. Half a second later, his lips were on mine and he enguld me in our most passionate kiss we ever shared. I could feel his sadness, his lonliness. I could feel like the ache in his heart through his lips and it made my heart ache too. I could feel his desperation for everything to be normal again. Our kiss never went beyond our lips, our mouths never opened. He was too damaged for that, and I could tell. Lust wasn't what he was looking for.

He pulled away. "Thanks for telling him."

I nodded. "I'm going on tour, Gerard. I'm leaving. I'll be out of your hair, done screwing things up."

He nodded too, looking behing me at the wall. "That's probably good."

"You okay?"

He shrugged, "No."

"You love him."

"You don't know that."

"I do." He just sat and continued staring at the wall, so I continued. "Go tell him. Fix another mess I created."

"Maybe you didn't create a mess. Maybe you saved one from happening. I never would have told him myself. He needed to know," he explained, still staring at the wall.

"Okay," I agreed. "Now get up and go." He slowly got off my lap and walked toward the curb. I called him the only taxi driving around. "I'm sorry, Gerard. I love you." He nodded once again before getting in the yellow cab. I watched as he drove away.
But it was okay. It was all going to be okay.