Caring for Ben

It's been a month since we buried Patrick, and besides the simple fact that he's not here, my life will never be the same. Somehow it was decided that I was the best one to care for Ben, so I have become his legal guardian. I sold my little ranch and moved back into my parents house because, normally children are no problem for me, but Ben, Ben is different. Ben has not talked since the fire, nobody can tell me if it is because he can't or he just won't. Since he can't, or won't, express all the pain and anger in him through words it comes out in tantrums. Kicking, screaming, throwing, sometimes even biting. Luckily his grandparents still lived two doors down from my parents, where we are now living, and his aunts and uncle visit often. But everyone, even my own parents are reluctant to watch him for me.
I can't say I blame them, he is even worse when I'm not with him. But that is why I was so excited to get out when Emily said that she would watch him for me one Thursday afternoon. When I got in the car I realized I had no where i needed to be, no where I particularly wanted to go, so I just started driving. Somehow I ended up in Union and pulled into the parking lot of my old church. The building was open and I entered silently, without looking to see who was around. I slipped into the sanctuary and sat in the back pew, so many good memories happened right here.
I was so deep in thought that I didn't hear him slip in until a deep voice broke the tranquil silence "Hey Missy" that voice, that nickname, could only come from one person. I can't help but grin as I look up at Justin, my best friend through the crazy teen years. I throw my arms around him and he holds me tightly. The butterflies start up in my heart and I remember that we had more than just a friendship. After he reluctantly lets go we sit down together and start to catch up. "So when'd you get back into the state" He asks after a while.
"Actually, I moved back here just a few weeks ago"
"Really!? Why?" I had been eager to get out of my house, the state even just a few years before.
"ha ha now that is kinda a long story" I said just not really wanting to get into it, acknowledging Patrick's death still hurt to much.
"Then how 'bout you tell it over coffee"
"that sounds great" I said standing up "But i got a better idea" I turned and walked away and heard him chuckle as he followed. I walked out of the church and over to my car, popping the trunk and opened a big bag, taking out a softball mitt and throwing it at him "Remember how to throw?" I teased
"Ha ha you still carry this stuff around" He asked slipping the mitt onto his hand. I lightly threw him the ball and he caught it with ease, just like he did that last time we threw four years ago."You still play?"
"Well my college career's over" I said scooping one of his bad throws "but uh... I'm looking to stay in the game"
"So you still haven't told my why you're back, not that I'm not happy to see you!" The sound of my phone ringing made me jump. I pulled it out and looked at the screen. EMILY.Through the crying and screaming on the other end I could only make out that Ben was hurt. I hastily hung up and walked towards the car.
"I have to go"
"Oh come on, it's been so long..."
I thought for a second, weighing the pros and cons "You wanna know why I came back? Hop in." He did, and for the first few minutes we drove in silence.
"OK so, where are we going" He asked trying to break the silence
"Home" I didn't know how to tell him I had a son
"everything OK?"
"Justin, there's something I have to tell you. I...I have a son now" I glanced over at him and saw how much my words hurt him."but it's not what you think!"
"What is it then?"
"Remember Patrick? Emily's big brother?"
"yeah" Out of the corner of my eye I saw him look at my hand, double checking that there was no ring there
"well he..." As we got onto my street I saw an ambulance up ahead, in front of my house "Oh my God" i whispered