Oh Baby Let Me In

January 16th, 2000
Friday; night

The tennis ball bounced off the hardwood door and Princess barked from the other side of the door. I waited a couple seconds until she quieted down before I threw the ball off the door again; her nails scraping against the hardwood floor.

“Frank!”

My Mom’s voice rang out from her room next door, and I glanced over at my clock to see that it was almost midnight as I heard her bedroom door open and shut. Princess barked again and then my own door was swinging open.

I roll the tennis ball in my hand and glance up at my Mom innocently. Princess bolts to join me on my bed, growling and trying to wrestle the ball from me. I turn my attention to my puppy, wincing slightly when she catches my finger instead of the ball.

“Frank, it’s almost midnight. I’m trying to get some rest, so you need to stop with the tennis ball, alright?” She crossed her arms over her chest as I shrug childishly. She sighs and rubs at her temples. I knew I was acting like a four year old, but being stuck in your room for two days straight can really get to a guy.

Rarely in my life has my Mom ever grounded me, and over all the things that she’s gotten mad at me for; piercing my lip, piercing my nose, or even that time she thought that I had run away after a fight we had and I had only stormed off to Mikey’s without consulting with her, I never got grounded for any of those things; just a stern talking to.

But now on this Friday night when I was supposed to be over at Mikey and Gerard’s, enjoying our movie night, I sat in my room, playing with my puppy and silently cussing out mother nature for giving me this cold.

I guess I could have saved myself from this punishment if I hadn’t went and erased the message that Principal Anderson had left on our answering machine before my Mom had a chance to listen to it. I didn’t think it was such a big deal until the school called my house when my Mom was actually home and questioned her why she didn’t call back like the message had said to do.

She just gave me that ‘look’ when she made me sit across from her in the kitchen as she sat on the phone with Principal Anderson yesterday after school. The ‘look’ that made you feel bad because you know you messed up without meaning to, because I hadn’t done anything wrong at school. I told her that after she got off the phone twenty minutes after listening to my Principal babble on about consequences and discipline.

My Mom went on to tell me she was disappointed in the fact that I tried to hide it from her rather than telling her what went on. She went to question me on why I had been so distracted in class and got myself sent out, and all I did was shrug and tell her I was having an off day. The punishment went from a full week to just the weekend, which helped a bit, but it still meant that I wouldn’t be able to see Mikey until school on Monday, and most likely Monday night to see Gerard.

My Mom just sighed again before quietly saying, “Goodnight, Frank”, before shutting the door softly behind her.

I sighed myself as I let Princess steal the ball from my hand, slobbering it up as she growled quietly. I ran my hand down her back, almost sad at how fast she has grown in such a short time, before pushing myself up and over to my desk. My computer hummed as I bumped the mouse and woke it back up from when I had been on it earlier. I sat in my chair, spinning from side to side as I gazed up at the screen at the one rectangular box occupying the desktop.

MSN showed that Mikey was in fact still offline, and when I looked down at the digital clock in the bottom corner of the screen; it read 11:44 PM. I huffed before I reached up and signed out of the messenger, knowing full well Mikey wouldn’t be able to make it back on the computer at this time of night.

Princess sneezed lightly from her spot at the end of my bed, and I couldn’t help but smile over at her as she stared at me with tired eyes. “Should we go to bed, baby girl?”

Princess yawns; little noises falling from her mouth, as she stands up to stretch slightly before moving up the bed and making herself comfortable against my pillow. I laugh, and push myself up from the chair to move over by my door and flick the lights off. I pull off my jeans and shirt, tossing them both into the laundry basket next to my desk before slipping on the long sleeved shirt lying on my computer chair; my room colder than usual. I made my way back to my bed, trying to avoid bumping Princess, but all she does is scurry down to the end of the bed again as I move around under the covers. I pat the open space I left for her, and she scampers up the bed, tripping over my outstretched legs before curling herself against my chest. I drape my arm over her growing body, scratching behind her ears quickly before getting comfortable myself.

I let out a long breath to just relax into my mattress and let my eyes slip shut, but they didn’t stay closed for long. The light chime that I had learned over the last couple of days signaled a new text message filled my room, and I reached out to my bedside table to grab my phone.

After my Mom had grounded me, she went out and bought the both of us cheap cell phones so she would be able to keep track of me all of the time. Or if another incident like the last came up, and I couldn’t get a hold of her at work or home, I could text her. I found it both kind of annoying, because my Mom insisted on practicing her texting skills the rest of the day, and my phone wouldn’t stop ringing as she laughed from the other room. I also found it amazing, because Mikey had taken Gerard’s cell phone and texted me all night on Thursday, and then the next day I found new messages from Gerard himself when I woke up.

I flipped open my phone, the harsh light blinding me slightly before I was grinning when I saw the message was from Gerard.

:) hey

I pushed my smile into Princess’ soft fur and placed a kiss to the top of her head. “Gerard’s texting me, Princess,” I said, grinning widely. “God, I am such a girl.”

Princess snuffled, and squirmed closer to my chest, apparently not as excited as I was. I scratched behind her ears quickly before turning my attention back to my phone, smiling at the message once more. As my thumb hovered over the reply button, the phone chimed again.

im sorry if i woke you up

I typed as quickly as I could, needing to delete and re-type half of my words because my stomach was swirling and it made my fingers shake. It was a bit ridiculous how this boy made me feel sometimes.

no im up :)

I reached over the now sleeping Princess to my bedside table again to click on my lamp and sit up in bed, just staring down at my open phone; waiting for it to chime again.

Princess huffed as I continued to shift, and if dogs could, angrily trotted down to the end of my bed; small paws digging at the end of the blanket to make her own bed before she circled around the pile of cloth a few times and finally made herself comfortable again. She breathed out evenly; her ears twitching out in annoyance when the sound of my phone filled my room.

“Sorry, Princess,” I murmured through my ridiculously wide grin. I couldn’t help it, no matter how bad I felt for rustling up my puppy as she tried to sleep, texting Gerard was far too important.

for two long days, ive missed your face

My heart sped up, and I could feel my face turn bright red at his words. I actually laugh; giggle is more like it, before hitting reply.

I contemplate typing back ‘same here’, but then thought it was a bit lame, and quickly deleted it to let my thumbs rest against the keypad. I was really thinking that ‘two days is truly much too long for us to be away from one another!’, but figured that is way to dramatic, no matter how true I felt that statement was. I sat there thinking of a proper response, but before I could even think of another cheesy thing to type, my phone chimed again.

how was your day?

good. I type back. pretty boring, and i wish i was over hanging out with you guys

Although it was only about thirty seconds, it felt like an eternity before my phone finally chimed yet again. Butterflies were all I could feel as I read the new words he had sent to me.

mikey fell asleep 2 hrs ago watchin tv. hes been lying to us

I raised an eyebrow at his words.

how so? I type back, eagerly awaiting his reply.

when i walked in he had been watchin spongebob before falling asleep

I laugh out loud, because I knew that at some point Mikey would cave to watching the show after having to sit around and watch both his brother and I talk up the show. I was so deep in my laughter, I almost failed to hear my phone ding again.

Almost.

when can i see you again?

I let out a shaky sigh, and slowly type back because I really hated what I had to tell him.

probably not until monday unless my mom lets me free before then…

It took a little while for him to reply again, and when he did, I felt my heart begin to hurt.

:( was his simple reply, and I couldn’t help but sport an unhappy face identical to the one he had sent me.

I smile sadly, and try to hold back the yawn that works its way out of my mouth. Princess has her eyes open when I look down at her, but pushes herself up from her comfortable position to face away from me when my phone goes off again. I laugh.

the moon is pretty amazing tonight. you should go look.

I flip my blanket off of my lap, and struggle to free my feet as they get tangled up in the sheets, and move across the room to pull open the curtain.

The shadow in the middle of my lawn was the first thing I spotted rather than the bright and bold moon that hovered high up in the sky. Hesitantly, I wiped away the fog-covered window with the cuff of my shirt, as my eyes grew larger than they already were. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

My window lock was jammed, and after a few incessant hits with my palm, it slid free and I pulled the window up. The cold air blew into my room causing me to shiver, but the voice of the shadow that had now moved across the rest of my lawn and up to my window distracted me from the freezing temperature.

“Surprise?”

I couldn’t help but laugh as I leaned down to rest my forearms on the windowsill. Gerard had a grey hat pulled over his head, tugged down his forehead so the tips of his hair brushed his eyelashes. He was grinning, shoulders pulled up in a shrug. His hands were tucked into the pockets of his button-less jacket, which he pulled around his body tighter. He laughed; a long white puff of air falling from his mouth, as the little bit of snow left of the ground crunched under his feet as he stepped closer to the window.

“Come out with me?”

I bit my lip and glanced back over my shoulder in the direction of my Mom’s room, and turned back to Gerard’s nose pressed against the screen. I giggle lightly and cover my mouth as he pouts and pulls his hands from his pockets to press against the screen. His gloves were the same shade of grey as his hat, and my stomach did a little flip when I watched him stick out his lower lip and whisper a small “Please, Frankie?”

I nod automatically, my grin matching his when I step back from the window to pull the jeans I had been wearing earlier from my laundry basket along with Gerard’s sweatshirt that I had yet to give back to him. Princess watches me from my bed; face buried in her paws, but doesn’t move an inch as I run around my room. I yank my jean jacket from its hanger in my closet and pull it on, running a hand through my hair as Gerard watches me from the window. He’s smiling, and his nose is red from the cold, and I really can’t do anything but smile back.

My shoes were out by the front door, but I didn’t want to risk my Mom waking up as I tried to sneak out. I dig around the bottom of my closet for the pair of Vans I had hiding in the mass of junk. They were a size too small, but they would work nonetheless. I push the closet door shut; making sure that my bedroom door is locked incase my Mom thought of barging her way in at any point in the night, and turned to pat Princess on the head.

“Be good,” I want to tell her, but because Gerard was right outside of the window, all I can do is drop a kiss to the top of her head. I look back at her as if to say, “And please don’t pee on my bed, please and thank you.”

“Frankie,” Gerard laughs my name, his voice almost whimsical as he tapped his finger on the screen. “Come on.”

I dig around for my phone which was buried in the mass of blankets, and slip it into my jacket pocket before moving over toward the window.

I reach for the bottom corners of the screen, pulling at the small plastic pieces to free the screen from the window frame, as Gerard takes a hold of the edges and lowers it to the ground.

“Hi,” he breathes up at me, teeth gleaming a bright white against the dark night. He reaches a hand up and I take it gratefully, easing myself up onto the windowsill, feet hanging down, and Gerard reaches up with his free hand to rest on my waist to help me down.

I may or may not have accidentally lost my balance when I dropped to the ground, pushing myself right up against Gerard for support, but overall it earned me a grin and both of his arms wrapped around my waist in a welcoming hug.

His nose was freezing against my neck, and I flinched away when he pushed it against my collarbone. The hot puff of air he laughed out afterwards warmed me up plenty enough for it to be okay.

Gerard pulled back, pressing his hat covered forehead against my own for a few seconds before moving back to reach up and pull my window closed enough so that I would be able to push it back open later.

“Come on,” Gerard smiled, reaching for my hand as he pulls me across the lawn. I pause my walking for a split second when we reach the sidewalk, scanning down the street for the familiar car I usually see Gerard driving.

“No car tonight,” Gerard lightly tugs on my hand again and giggles lightly at me when I raise my eyebrow at him. “I didn’t lie about the moon tonight, Frankie. I want you to see it with me.”

I grin, and Gerard slides his cotton-covered fingers between my own.

***

The elementary and middle schools were just a few blocks from my house, in the opposite direction of Gerard’s house. The elementary school had a park that was fenced-in next to the parking lot in the back, and our footsteps echoed off the cement of the school buildings as we walked through the lot. The wind picked up as we dragged our feet through the few inches of snow that was still left on the ground. The cold felt like it soaked right into my jacket and chilled me to the bone.

Gerard squeezed my hand, and apologized; like it was his fault that it was freezing outside, and tucked my hand that he was holding into his jacket pocket before wrapping his own around my middle. I smile and kept my eyes down as I watched my feet walk alongside Gerard’s, and when I take my hand from his pocket tucked between us to wrap around his waist to stick in his other, I try to avoid stepping on his feet as we walk closer together.

We reached the edge of the parking lot, the bright moon shining off of the metal of the playground equipment fenced up at the top of the hill. Gerard grins down at me, and motions with his head in the direction of the playground. “You like swings?”

I smiled brightly and nodded; enjoying the squeeze Gerard gives me before taking off up the hill in a jog. I laugh and take off after him, only slipping a couple times up the snowy hill before I push through the open gate.

With the moon being the only source of light, it’s hard for me to see Gerard’s figure, but the sound of snow crunching under his feet give away his location. Walking towards the noise, I’m able to see Gerard perched on one of the chain-linked swings. I laugh and lean myself against the cold metal of the swing set as I watch Gerard pump his legs, swinging higher and higher.

“Swing, Frankie,” Gerard chuckles, and there is an obvious grin in his voice. I perch myself on the swing next to him, but keep my frozen fingers tucked away in my jacket pockets.

Gerard’s swinging slows down after a few minutes as he digs his feet into the snow below him to stop his motions. He’s smiling but I can see his teeth chattering before he brings his gloved hands to his face. “My face is so cold.”

Our swings are close enough for Gerard to reach out to me and I slip my own hand out of my pocket to take hold of his. He rests my hand against his cheek, and I curl my hand into a fist to brush my knuckles against his face. Gerard frowns and quickly reaches up to cup my hand between his gloved ones. “Shit, Frankie,” he sighs sadly. “Your hands are freezing.”

My hand tingles as Gerard rubs it with his cotton covered hands, the friction slowly warming my hand from its icy cold state. I shrug lightly as to not make Gerard worry, but his eyebrows stay knitted together.

Gerard shakes his head sadly. “You were just sick, and this weather isn’t going to help you get any better,” he sighed, glancing at me sadly. “I’m sorry, Frankie, I shouldn’t have brought you out here.”

I’m shaking my head, mouthing the word “No” in Gerard’s direction before he’s even done speaking. I hadn’t seen Gerard since Tuesday, three of the longest days I’ve experienced in a long while, and I wasn’t going to let some stupid little cold stop me from seeing him.

I stop shaking my head when Gerard sighs lightly, defeated, but smiles nonetheless. “Missed you.”

The smile that slides across my face is immediate and uncontrollable, and I wish nothing more than to say the same back to him. My face blooms a bright shade of red and is a contrast of heat compared to the cold temperature outside. I shiver and nod, because that’s all I can do.

Gerard still has my hand between his own, but quickly raises one to reach behind my head and pull up my hood. My ears tingle the same way my hands did when the fabric of my hoodie presses against them, and I then realize how cold they had actually become. He tugs my hand gently before motioning with his free hand as if he wanted a hug; arms spread wide with a slight smile on his face.

I laugh and stand from my own swing, hand dropping from Gerard’s before I was being pulled down into his lap. His arms immediately wrap around my waist and he pushes his cold nose into my neck, murmuring about the temperature and then laughing puffs of warm air onto my cheek. My toes barely touch the ground as I sit sideways on Gerard’s lap. I loop my arm around his neck even though I know his arms will keep me safe from slipping anywhere.

Gerard’s feet continue to move along the ground to keep the swing swaying, and his arms tighten around me every time our swing inclines even a bit. I smile to the side of his hat-covered head, his face still pressed to my neck.

The trees rustle behind us and I can hear an occasional car pass on the road out in front of the school. I’m so used to silence; so used to not hearing my own voice. I hadn’t heard Gerard’s in days and I had missed it enough to almost want to plead to hear him speak again.

With the arm wrapped around his neck, I reach up to quickly snag off Gerard’s hat. He gasps and moves back from my neck, hair askew, lips pursed and eyes set in a mock-glare. “Excuse me, it seems as if you’ve stolen my hat.”

I raise my free hand to my chest and with a surprised look, mouth, “Me?”, before shaking my head, “Never.”

Gerard’s glare falters slightly, before his lips slowly slide into a smirk. “Really now?” The hat slips from my grasp, landing with the quietest sound to the silent air, and I show both hands to prove my point. Gerard’s eyebrow raises and he shakes his head and sighs. “You made me do this.”

My high-pitched yelp fills the night air as one of Gerard’s arms leaves my waist to loop under my knees, and he shoots up off the swing in a split second. My arms instinctively go back around his neck, and he begins spinning in circles, shouting about revenge and punishment for stealing his things. The laughs spill from my mouth and I try to contain them against Gerard’s neck, but they start to become uncontrollable the faster Gerard spins.

His movements become slow and unstable after awhile, and his vocals die down right along with my laughter before he stops moving altogether. I hear him whisper a, “So dizzy” before he drops heavily to his knees in the snow covered sand of the playground. I burst out laughing once again. Gerard lets my legs drop to the ground and uses his freed arm to loosen my hold around his neck. He slowly lowers me all the way to the ground, his mock-glare back in place, before he hovers over me with a stern finger. “Where’s the hat, Iero?”

I cover my mouth with one of my arms in attempts to stop the laughing before I shrug. Gerard’s eyes glance back over at the swings; the two of us now being a good few feet away from them after our spinning epidemic. He moves to stand and reclaim back his stolen hat, but before he could, I quickly reach out to grip the sleeve of his coat to attempt to stop him but he’s quicker than me.

I let myself rest against the snow covered ground as his triumphant laugh soon follows his breakaway. The snow melts under me and the cold seems to seep through my jeans. I shiver and frown up at Gerard when he returns to me, hat in hand. He grins and sticks his tongue out at me. “I win.”

I roll my eyes, but my frown soon turns to a smile. I couldn’t help it; Gerard seems to have that effect on me.

Gerard’s triumphant grin stays planted on his face, even as he kneels back down next to me in the cold snow. I wait for him to slip on his newly reclaimed hat, but instead he reaches out a hand and tugs me up until I’m sitting next to him. His smile is contagious, and we both have full-blown grins as he slips the hat over my head since my hood had flown off during our earlier activity.

A gust of wind moves to blow Gerard off balance on his knees and I laugh lightly as he waivers a bit. He goes to bring back his mock-glare, but falters as I tremble at the freezing wind.

“Frankie…” Gerard breathed out, his earlier concern for my health becoming apparent once again.

I shake my head and wave a hand as if to say, “I’m fine, really”, but my body decides it was an all right time for my ongoing cold to make an appearance, as I try to hide my sneeze in my sleeve.

“I should take you home,” Gerard frowns, reaching over to brush his hand across my cheek, but I stubbornly shake my head. I was fine and I didn’t want to go home because I knew there was a big chance that I wasn’t going to see him for another two days. His eyes cast down at the ground and it takes a few seconds for him to look back up at me. His eyes are sad and so is his smile, and my heart beats just a bit faster knowing he’s only saying these things because he cares about me.

“I don’t want you to be sick anymore, Frankie. Being out here with me isn’t going to help at all, you know that.”

I push myself up onto my knees along with Gerard as I try to plead with my eyes that I’d much rather stay out here with him, even if I was suffering with sickness or not. His sad smile fades and he reaches up to brush my bangs out of my eyes, and I know I’m loosing the battle when he sighs and moves to stand.

Actions speak louder than words, and they ring even louder when words can’t be spoken. I reach to grab the front of Gerard’s jacket with both hands, tugging almost too roughly with Gerard off balance as he moved to stand. He wavers forward as I drag him backwards, and he stutters my name as he completely loses balance and crashes into me, sending me sprawling out on my back. I let out a groan as Gerard lands completely on top of me on the cold ground, and not a second later was he apologizing for squishing me.

“Fuck, Frankie, I’m so sorry!” He exclaimed, moving to sit up to examine me. “Shit, did you hit your head? How‘s your side? Are you okay?”

I reach out to grip his shoulders to keep him in place, and grin at him. I’d truthfully forgotten all about my wipeout while we were sled-riding the other day; Gerard had this way of making me forget about everything that was bothering me.

“Frankie, what-”

It takes a few seconds for me to build up the courage, but before Gerard went off on another tangent of saying that he was sorry, my hands moved to grip the sides of his neck as I pulled him down to meet my lips. Gerard freezes for a split second before moving to arrange his body so that he wasn’t crushing me. One of his gloved hands moved to cup my cheek, and I opened my mouth under his as he quickly deepened our kiss.

We hadn’t been alone with each other without the presence of Mikey since we’d kissed in the hall of Ray’s apartment- almost an entire week. The urgency behind the way Gerard kissed me now, in the middle of the playground, I could relate to because I had missed this like nothing before.

The wind decided to be cruel once more and sent a gust blowing past us, and I heard Gerard whine against my mouth as his lips slowed. He shuddered against me as he pulled away. “Fuck that wind, seriously.”

I grin, letting my fingers slip down his neck until he flinched away because I knew that was where he was the most ticklish. He smiles down at me and I allow him to pull me up into a sitting position without any complaint; my back now soaked through from the snow.

Gerard sits closer than he was before and as he reaches out to tug his hat further over my ears, I see his teeth chattering and I frown. He pauses, hands frozen at the edges of my hat. “What’s wrong?”

I move my hand from his neck to his chin, where it quivers as I watch the muscles in his jaw tighten as he tries to keep his teeth from chattering. My frown deepens.

“I’m alright,” he smiles, moving to lay his cotton-covered hand over mine, moving it so that it’s resting against his cheek rather than his chin. He shifts forward, bumping his nose against my own, and I feel his warm breath against my lips. “You make me feel amazing, Frankie. I just want you to know that.”

My breathing comes shakily as I wait for him to close the rest of the gap between our lips. Seconds feel like hours, as Gerard pulls back a bit and we lock eyes. “Okay?”

I realize he wants me to comprehend when he’d said just a few seconds ago, and I nod quickly in understanding. I want to say I feel the same, that he makes me feel feelings I didn’t know existed, but I can’t, so I try to say all of those words with the kiss I press to his lips.

He smiles.